Well I have never kept a journal before. To tell you the truth I doubt I will keep this one too. I am too lazy sometimes. I have always had a facination with journals and people who write in them, kind of like an appriciation. I dont know why. Now that I am thinking about, people who normally write in journals are sad sort of people. You dont see many people with the perfect life writing and documenting their perfect day. Now that I realize it I have kind of admitted that I myself do not have a perfect life. Well its pretty close. I have nothing to complain about. I have an excellent family, have an excellent future. My mother died 14 months ago. That has been tough but not something I wanna get into today. I mostly wanna get my life on track and be more productive. I always say I am gonna do what I am sopposed to do, then instead I go out with my friends or whatever. Well I am writing in this journal because I wanna start that today. I need to take small steps towards what I wanna achieve. I want to be pefrect. Not perfect as other people see it. I wanna be perfect as I see myself. I want to be on my way to perfect before I go home for Christmas. This way the holidays I will be able to think about something other than myself. I tend to think glass half empty. I think if i can fill my cup then I will be happy right? I am decieding to stop worrying and thinking about my life and I am gonna live it instead. On a different note. I am a freshman in college this year and its not all too different. I went to boarding school for high school (by choice, i wasnt sent) so i am used to living away. Any ways, this is the longest I have been with out a girl friend in 3 years. I have always had a girl friend whether it was for a couple of weeks or almost a year. I realize I am happy when I can focus my thoughts on someone else. Instead of being judgemental of myself, I adore whoever I am with. So I think I may begin to look for a girl friend again. I am going to go to brunch and when I come back I am gonna do what I am sopposed to and I will let you know how it goes tonight or tomorrow.