[thursday 9th april] 11:58pm this week was no different from any other week... it wasnt life changing, well maybe a lil, but it was definitely not dull.. im a bit too tired atm to do a proper long post so ill just summarize what i can remember and maybe come back to expand on it later.. maybe monday got back maths test, the one i didnt do so well.. infs lab we sussed out all the q's we had over the weekend and also tried to answer some q's as a grp.. altho we ended up mucking around more than working =) mostly on what our product should be, varied from lingerie, jess's idea, to portable toilets, sherman's idea.. and i think we ended up on stationery and office equipment, coz amanda was gettin a bit annoyed at us.. being immature and having fun n all.. i guess lecture after was pretty boring so we didnt really pay attention.. instead we played the "cross" game.. sherman owned me. we taught jess, she got the hang of it and won i think like 3 out of 3.. i remember the last thing she said that day was "bye alvein" twice =) micro lect was ok, not as great as the usual.. sherman was fallin asleep.. tuesday micro tute was average.. i made a fool of myself by trying to answer a q with a totally wrong answer, i said something like price floor, where the topic was no where near price floors.. yeah felt stupid for awhile afterwards.. but hey atleast i tried lol saw jz briefly after.. no squash today since we were meant to study for infs.. which we ended up doing only like 10 mins of in the hour we had.. oh! and bumped into milky.. good ol milky.. might be seeing him next sem in infs2603.. jess came a bit later with dean.. he was his usual clingy self arnd jess, just tried to ignore it.. sherman told me something later that was intersting tho.. while dean was trying to get his arms around her waist, apparently jess pushed him away.. i guess she did mean it when she doesnt like it when he makes her feel uncomfortable.. but i wonder why he doesnt get the hint.. or maybe he doesnt want to.. like me.. oh well, its hard not showing it, but thats the way life goes.. so we studied briefly after some youtubing.. then the actual infs lecture.. was pretty boring.. that dodgy guy, apparently his name is dave.. came late as usual.. and course sat next to jess.. his intentions are pretty clear.. well he sorta made us join him for the grp project.. then the guy next to me asked to join.. couldnt say no.. so felt bad after coz we sorta ditched on the other girl who we wanted in our grp and i think she sorta expected us to ask her.. oh wells.. theres a reason for all this.. might just not know it yet.. there was one presentation.. the dodgy guy was being a jerk and laughing at the guys accent just coz it was fob n all.. and the guy presenting could see it.. was pretty slack.. for the test we had to split up, so jess went to one corner while i was stuck with dave. overall i reckon it was alrite.. some good q's some tricky ones.. had enough time to check over.. after the lecture we asked if it was allowed that the other girl.. i think her name is ebany? if she could join us, but that would make our grp have 5 ppl which is more than is allowed.. so dont know what will happen with her now =/ i actually cant rem much what happened after, oh right i think melissa came half during our lect to talk to jess, and that we met up with her after or she was meeting her in the city or somethin.. bah i dont know.. i shldve really blogged abt it on the day.. haha backtrack oh wait now i remember.. we finished early because of the test so we went to bum at marsh room till 6 before we met up with mel.. here is where jess said the most beautiful thing to me, the most beautfiul thing anyone has ever said to me, earlier she told me she was going to tell me a nice story.. a nice mushy story.. soo as we were walking down unsw walkway.. with the sun just going down.. she tells me her nice mushy sweet story.. that just melts my heart and i guess at the same time sends me into a deeper affection (and a bit of unwanted confusion). she tells me of a story abt her long time crush on jason, yep ive heard that many times before.. but this time she tells me the whole story.. how she tried to see him, get into the same class as him, and so forth.. but she didnt and ended up taking a class that i was in.. which she was grateful for because if she didnt she wouldve never met me or sherman, and might be at this moment miserable clutching onto a hopeless crush with no one to enjoy uni with.. the part where she talks abt how she is really grateful for having me to talk to and just be with, i was so warm and fuzzy inside.. i just put my arm around her for a brief moment.. and told her how much of a sweetheart she was and how she is such a good friend to me as well and ofcourse how the story was mushy and nice.. i couldnt say all the things i would have wanted to say, for obvious reasons.. but i tried to stay the good friend without the crush coming out.. im good at that.. i can keep things inside and no one would suspect.. but the toll is inside im dying, im fighting this never ending battle of love vs friendship.. right now i value her friendship over anything else.. even my hearts wishes.. its a tough choice but one i am sticking too right now.. so yeah that was her cute nice mushy warm story.. that was one of the best moments of my life.. and will always be.. anyways so we were heading to marsh room to "jam", more like muck around for an hr in a room with mirrors and a piano and walls.. well we both had a really good time.. practicing handstands (which left two marks on the walls of marsh room haha), bit of piano, and then she showed me some six step.. or four step as she calls it since thats as far as she has gotten heh.. felt on top of the world in that room.. but i know it can never be.. so ima just enjoy the moment =) =*( well we had too much fun that we realised it was nearly 6 and so left to meet up with mel.. on the way met up with a highschool friend of hers, mark, seemed like a cool guy, and apparently shes talked to him abt me.. but only as a friend im guessin.. otherwise she wouldnt have said that to him when we were introduced.. anyways met up with mel then bused it to townhall and trained it home.. they were both havin their lollypops.. while we talked abt random stuff like neopets and random shops on oxford st and kingscross.. lol i dunno, we talked random stuff. wednesday wednesday was one hell of a day.. i really shld dedicate a whole post to this day.. its sorta significant.. a few things happened that day.. i think ima stop here for this post and continue it later.. but before ill summarize (yeah i guess i sorta did a long post anyways for the above.. sheesh) bumped into johnson and pf on the bus.. was a tiny bit late for maths.. which was good that happened coz i then bumped into jess walking thru quad to clb.. =) she ran to catch up to me, all smiling =) decided to meet up after at qlab maths was *yawn* sat next to some white dude, who asked abt where to pick up the sydney daily telegraph at uni.. went quad lab. bumped into jason.. rang up sherman.. he came abt 15 mins later to quad lab 6.. we stayed there only for a few mins before leaving for asb.. all the rooms were taken or locked so we studied on 4th level.. nice view.. pretty good study place.. told sherman johnson was at uni tennising, so he called him up to meet up for tennis later.. we watched a bit of family guy after some micro study.. txted jess the new place we were gonna be at, at courts the back ones.. we went arnd 3:35 to courts.. no one was there when we arrived, so sherman rang.. they were at roundhouse, probly pooling.. when they got here, the twins arrived first.. then the rest.. even some new guys never seen before.. we tennisd for like 5 mins before jess came.. i got hit by a random sherman ball just before i left haha, probly on purpose, damn u shermy lol..then we left for marsh room.. when we got there there was a bunch of guys on the couch, which sorta freaked her out a bit.. she didnt want to go in while there was so many ppl watching.. so we sat outside for a bit just laughing and talking abt what are we doin outside here.. she got changed then eventually went in to take class when they were all gone.. shes getting better. she can now sort of lift herself on the ground. a semi turtle.. and knows the steps to six step.. randomly thruout she looked and we just smiled... then laughed, she makes all the worries of the world just disappear when she smiles.. it really is something.. hmm damn its nearly 1.. gotta wake up early for tennis tmr at uni.. yay good friday.. easter break time *yawn* so tired.. songofthemoment rilo kiley - portions for foxes

[sunday 5th april] 11:51pm (decided maybe i shld start putting date n time coz songmeanings time is not my local time and there isnt any time zone option..yet) well how was this week..if i said "the usual" that would be about half correct..for the most of it things went normal.. but what is normal? every week is different from the other in some way be it big or small.. this week i guess i would have to say was a "transitional" week in that maybe, just maybe things are starting to change up there in my head..for better or worse i dont know.. all i do know is things are less intense.. maybe even more distant.. workload is getting better, fitness is so so.. and well feelings.. it does feel a bit empty to be thinking abt it less n less.. overall this week feels like the in-between of a slump and a high (couldnt rem the proper opposite for the word slump). i think i left off last time on tuesday, which was a rainy cold day.. the day where my mind got the best of me and i was pretty much a bit emo near the end of the day, soo pathetic i know. anyways the next day was wed.. a totally diff day.. weather was good, and that sorta reflected how i was that day.. had gym that mornin and trained straight from revesby to uni.. maths lect was ok.. bumped into nari again.. or more like the other way arnd.. after went to get the paper and as i got out saw jess n dean on their way to clb.. they didnt see me she looked half in a rush/ half worried (could be from how i was yesterday, i dunno) anyways i knew she would be lookin for me after my lect which i realised now was a bit early so yeah she would just have to wait till later.. coz i didnt really have anything to say then.. so quad lab 6.. did some work, checked stocks, did micro self test.. checked if sherman was at uni, which he was, again in asb 223. so asked if he wanted a pearl milk tea since i was gonna myself a taro.. got them and went to asb.. forced him to take the drink free of charge, my shout, ofcourse he insisted to pay, just left the coins somewhere where he could find it.. we then just worked on the project.. sussed out the specs and analysed the code.. his good at that, explaining things.. got this thing abt it that makes it easy.. anyways yeah michelle came by later, but left coz she had to do some charity thing, jelly store or something, i think its the relay for life thing.. anyways.. jess course didnt find me at quad 6, so smsd her new location.. she came sometime before 4.. tho we were still working on project.. she seemed a bit bored, just reading and sitting arnd.. anyways yeah so we left arnd 4 for marsh room.. she was already changed in her tracksuit ready to take class, this week she was gonna actually do it.. haha. she thinks i laugh and make fun of her everytime she tries just to tease her.. little does she know its the opposite.. but the way she looks when she laughs or smiles is just.. words cant describe it... bliss? so the highlight of my day, my week really, is that 1 hr i spend with her on wednesdays.. this time like i said she was taking class.. she seemd a bit shy at first to go, but she eventually got up and went and took class. she leant me her textbook so i could study.. which was soo boring.. project management.. i would rather just watch her the whole time but that would just be a bit much n awkward.. so i read most of the time and just looked up from time to time when she tried something.. usually it would be when she just tried a step or two and we'd both just look at each other and smile then laugh.. =) abt 20 mins to the end of class i went out for a walk around roundhouse.. quickly went to the toilet and checked out the rooms.. there this empty room nearby that seems like its hardly used.. might be able to use for practice or something.. maybe even to just relax.. i think u have to book it tho but im sure u can just use it when its not in use. came back and she was just finishing.. so we collected our stuff and went to the bus stops.. she had to leave earlyish to meet a friend in wynyard.. so i caught the central bus, she went on the other.. made plans to meet on fri the rest of that day is a blurr. thursday gymed then went home had lunch then went uni.. first was maths tute, the cute chick i think was sittin at the back.. maybe one day ill sit next to her and just say hi.. but not too interested atm.. so went to the front.. moments later some dude comes and sits.. had a different look abt him.. something strange.. and my assumptions were confirmed seconds later.. he introduced himself with a gangsterish "supp" i just lold inside and returned his greeting with a "hey, whats up".. anyways his name was louis.. asian dude, im thinking chinese vietnamese.. but with a clear english speaking accent, that alternates between normal american and straight up ghetto talk on the high pitched side.. so for example it would go something like this.. ghetto: sup me: hey whats up nothin much normal: im louis me: alvien normal: u first year? me: nah second, u? normal: im first year, where u from man me: lidcombe *he looks at me funny* me: did u mean like nash? or like location ghetto: nah man like u from here.. me: yeh i am ghetto: oh thats cool thats cool me: where u from? ghetto: wessst siiide YeaH me: oO ghetto: nah man south siide me: oh u from the US? ghetto: yehh, south siiide, Tennessee man me: cool, how long u been here normal: uhm abt 3 years, yeah my parents moved over me: awesome, so u really from america? (haha i know stupid ey, but not every day u meet an american) ghetto: yeh man, you play basketball.. basskettballl me: no ghetto: u shld man its goood (oh yeah he had a basketball) so yeah that was interesting.. the fact that he was sometimes speaking like a high pitched black dude was a bit weird.. but i guess it was better than the boring same old.. and he'd say random stuff like "hows are you" "hows the weather" whenever i asked him something during class... i dont know what was up with that..anyways some other dude sat on our row a bit later too.. and he did the whole routine with him too.. so atleast he wasnt just doing it to me.. i honestly though he was joking and playing arnd.. met him again on saturday.. and he did the same routine (well not routine but yeah the way he carries himself).. i think his been watching to many american ghetto/urban movies.. lol or maybe he really is like that.. i dunno..was just something interesting i thought i shld add.. damn this one is a long one.. anyways so after was micro tute.. teacher made us all late again.. but luckily its only micro lect and its like downstairs.. lecture was ok.. funny but still avg.. so sherman showed me this new game on paper. sorta like noughts n crosses cept u play in a 4 x 4 grid and the aim is to make the other player put the last x.. and u can put either an x, x x or x x x in a line each turn.. in the end we played abt 10 games on paper and it came down to the finals.. it was a draw.. to be continued at a later date.. after we went to quad lab 6.. met up with michelle and also bumped into danny/alex? im pretty sure it was danny.. anyways the story behind that they are identical twins.. and they have this game to confuse the new guy.. which was me at the time.. so yeah it for me for a bit but i think i know who it is now.. that took a good 20 or so mins.. where sherman and michelle was laughing their heads off while i tried to guess.. eventually got the answer by asking michelle and watching her face expressions.. haha.. but still.. nearly got confused again.. then checked stocks.. and we quickly mucked arnd and bought 1 of each from random shares.. shermans sneaky plan worked on me coz i forgot abt brokerage so made like a $200 loss and didnt realise till the next time i checked.. oh well.. then trained it to revesby and had dinner with family.. it was pouring when i got to the station so i had to call to get picked up.. dropped my stuff down.. incl my mobile.. and got some food to eat.. later realised i got a missed call from jess arnd 7:34.. like only 20 mins after i took off my stuff.. when i got home i went msn to see the msg.. it was abt friday what was happening..it was too late to call.. but i did anyway.. no one picked up so just smsd.. on the way to uni the next day got sms saying sherman is coming today, which he wasnt, which was confusing coz we confirmed last night he wasnt coming.. so smsd back with the new arrangements.. had early lecture.. during got another sms.. so just told her she could stay home and study.. but she was already at uni.. after went quad lab.. she was there. that day was spent on gettin maths tests to work for maple.. couldnt log in to mapleta, which was a bit frustrating.. sent emails to get help.. thankfully it fixed it.. got in and did some .. meanwhile she did some management hw i think or acct.. something else basically.. altho that whole day i spent on the maths tests.. didnt get much infs done.. told her she should just work on the ERD.. so she made one.. thankfully melissa was coming to meet her after her classes.. she came some time after 2 i think.. altho she couldnt help at quad coz all her stuff was on her maths acct >< so we had to rush down to the maths labs.. went to the underground one.. the maths lab was successful her stuff helped me so much and managed to ace all the tests..we even helped a friend i met in maths tute ace all his.. and some guys down our row ace all theirs.. when we first got their they looked like they needed alot of help.. which we gave later which was funny coz the dude was just guessin the test each attempt... and hoping for 100% since u could take it unlimited times.. anyways bumped into yosha there.. he tagged along after with us to quad lab.. felt a bit awkward with him there.. not that i didnt want him there.. he was like me.. tho he was also like my cousin.. talks a bit much sometimes.. and talks abt stuff i dont really talk abt with jess.. so yeah he said a few things that were strange to her i think.. i felt so bad.. but i didnt wanna say anything and tell him to go.. thats even worse.. well she seemed to laugh a bit.. whether it was genuine or not i dont know.. we were pretty much finished and i couldnt concentrate on infs anymore, let alone her ERD.. so we called it a day and did quick neopets and then left the lab.. course with yosha there i couldnt really talk with her properly.. so she walked with mel and i walked with yosh.. he plays cod4 to, so got his contact so we could maybe play sometime.. he had to go townhall tho so we separated there.. he was gonna come central with us but persuaded him to go town hall.. i know i feel so bad.. for doin somethin like that.. but its only coz i dont think they were comfortable with him arnd.. and tbh i wasnt a lil as well.. well we caught an 895.. saw figget.. but he was too shy to come sit with us.. i sat infront of them two..bus ride was nothing special.. just listend to mp3.. its funny reading all this at a later date.. because i dont see how stupid it all sounds when i am actually writing it. coz its really just train of thought.. and sometimes our train of thought sounds stupid when we read properly after.. i just hope she has never seen this journal or else id just die inside.. all the things ive put up here.. would make anyone run away if they saw it abt them..i guess i would.. altho it might explain a bit if she did.. i feel a bit nervous now posting this stuff up.. but i do it so all this doesnt just disappear.. so i dont forget i guess. so that was friday.. oh yeah and i went to gym from uni.. finished late like 830 so met up with sister in the city and then went home.. we had some good bonding.. talking abt relationships and her course.. its funny how much we've both grown up.. and now we talk abt different things.. she was talking abt how i shld get a girlfriend coz she could totally help me or something.. haha, its ok sis.. then abt one of her korean friends, whose arnd my age.. then we just talked abt how girls appreciate wit in a guy..somethin abt how it shows a bit of intelligence and confidence in a guy.. and how guys are not exactly looking for wit in a girl.. i guess coz they just want a girl that will laugh at their jokes.. which is true.. nothing nicer than a girl who appreciates and has the same humour.. someone u can laugh with..and maybe even make u laugh.. saturday.. had to come into uni for grp work.. was late abt 40 mins.. we got a bit done.. but was still mainly ironing out the details of the project and completely understanding it.. we got lunch arnd 1:30 nothing is really open on campus on weekends. so choice was either kebab or indian..we went with indian, i wanted some rice and they wanted to try the wraps.. was a good choice coz it was a bit cold that day.. so some warm food was good.. sherman and michelle left arnd 2ish.. so me n amanda just looked at the submission questions and tried to figure out what the project actually wanted us to do.. and who was the user/buyer/client and what our business case is etc coz overall its pretty vague and is open to a bit of interpretation.. we realised we couldnt really progress and we already sent the lecturer a bunch of q's we needed answered first so we finished up early near to 3.. she drove here so she went the other way i went to the buses.. uni is such a ghost town.. literally nobody.. but guess what, i bumped into to american louis.. which i didnt realise till i was like a few metres from him.. he was walking from law but he was in moogol or something, one of the engineering labs.. he didnt know where the toilets were so i think he went to one on the west side of campus, haha west side.. anyways yeah bused it home.. wasnt feeling well to go gym and wanted to just study at home.. sunday was a slow day.. didnt even bother to shower today.. just stayed in same clothes all day.. procrastinating.. trying to get some work done.. regret not going gym today.. and instead eating some delicious food.. but oh well 1/7 isnt too bad.. gotta relax once in awhile.. so tired now its past 1am and another week is here.. wonder what this one will hold.. songofthemoment nothing.. been too distracted lately to even listen to my mp3 half the time its on.. i guess i need some new music gnite