He gives me butterflies It has been on and off for the longest time.. but he always start conversations i miss being such good friends with him and having him to myself but just the fact hes taking interest in me makes me smile p.s i miss my brother p.p.s i decided to get him a coffee maker for christmas

my parents drive me up the wall fuck it will be such a relief to finally move out my friends dont understand why i hate them so much, they still love their parents even if they fight with them. either im fighting with my parents or avoiding them completely, they really dont help me with much other than a place to stay. it has been years and years since i even gave either of them a hug since i was five i have had something against my dad and since i was about 11 or 12 i havnt gotten along with my mom... she cries all the time, and blames it on me it will be good to be gone i graduate this year and them im moving thank god! p.s im 17 and i still get raped by drama p.p.s i miss my brother

Usually im overly stressed over the most insignificant things but lately i'm not just moderately stressed.. which is normal whats not normal is that i should be stressed im graduating this year, but my marks are shitty, I am in difficult classes but my average will suck I have absolutly no clue what i will do with my life i do have a goal though.. As of next weekend i am unemployed, and i need money uber bad for school and a car, and moving out etc, fortunately i have a job interview today I am craving listening to "you owe me and IOU" by Hot Hot heat

what is the point of living its so routine This is what my life consists of.. Monday-Thursday: wake up at 7:00, get out of bed at 7:04 get dressed, brush my teeth, do my hair/makeup get on a city bus at 7:38, catch my connecting bus at 7:46 then i go to starbucks and get a grande latte I go through the day pretending to like more people than i really do in reality there are only four people max i honestly like but there are at least 30 people i fake smile with after school i either a) go to the mall with people i dont like b) take the bus home while all my friends drive or are getting picked up, then go out for coffee later with my best friend(who dropped out of my school and i miss her) P.S wednesdays often consist of making bad life choices Fridays: school gets out at 1:36 a group of my friends go to each others houses to drop stuff off or pick stuff up then we go to parties get drunk and do things we always regret P.s i always end up ditching people cause i make too many different plans Saturday: wake up (still slightly drunk) and 7:45 catch a bus at 8:15 to go to work i hate the people i work with im off work between 4:00 and 5:00 go home and shower then go get drunk again, make more regrets Sunday: wake up still drunk at 7:15 catch a bus at 7:45 go to work until 4:00-5:00 come home and shower go visit my granny who i love then do it all again and again and again and again why bother? p.s i still miss my brother

ahh he talked to me! my tummy just did a belly flop!

honestly, I enjoy reading peoples journals its interesting to hear other peoples thoughts and compare them to my own I wonder if people read my writting or if people think about me ever I'm always thinking about other people my friends are already on the back of my mind weird! i just had a boy on my mind as I wrote that and he just signed on to msn... I wont talk to him because I have nothing interesting to say

i miss my brother i saw him briefly tonight meaning about 30 seconds i almost cried when he left so soon ok i actually did cry but no one saw i miss never seeing him anymore

snowboarding was savage im so stoked to go again even though im in some intense muscle pain.. so worth it

tomorrow is going to be core sunshine opens i have been waiting for this allllllllll summer honestly, nothing gets me as excited as snowboarding it makes me feel so alive tomorrow is goin to be knarly

Im sad.. this sounds so emo now that i am writting it.. but sometimes i feel all alone not actually.. cause i have a substantial amount of good friends.. but all these good friends have boyfriends whats wrong with me? i just can never find a guy its not that i always like guys and they never like me.. i just dont like very many, and when i do its always the wrong guy like i will hook up with guys but never have real relationships ..i guess thats my fault honestly, im bad with feelings and junk like that but when my friends have gorgeous boyfriends who are so amazing to them it just makes me kind of sad to be all alone ok that was my moment of being emo