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Can I die of just wondering wondering if there is something something special between us I wish I could see the future So I can know if we will be together If we are meant to be Then that is an excellent reason to have a life When we are together I wish I could express my true feelings towards you But we have boundaries That keep us from showing our feelings for one another You are my Heaven 'Cause you make my day every time I lay my eyes upon you and your beautiful smile When I am having a real god awful day you know how to make it so much better I hope someday you will be mine - x - x - x - x - x - x - Zack wrote me a poem today.

Pretending is a game we will play- theatrics shall come in handy here. A show of betrayal of the heart and deception, manipulation the key and will. So you convince them you're a goddess- and loathing you becomes hard. It gives you enough incentive- to plunge the blade in and leave scars. Twist it a little farther- just to hear them scream. You're in the farce called life. Scene 2, act 3.

I lay upon the clutter; the tangled-up sheets, contemplating on my dreams- or at least what I want them to be. I lack incentive, motivation, care; my creativity cowering beneath their stares. Logic is the illusion and I function on fact; dysfunction the epitome of my past. A solid layout paves the road to my future- and a tributary my only escape; only a cowards run away. So I wear a mask to hide the truth, and step in time in their shoes; they're a bit too big but I wear them well. You're played like fools and I'm unwell. The longer I pretend the harder it becomes, and death doesn't seem as scary as it was once before, So I'm not unstable -- just a bit too aware, and scared that maybe everything will end in this Hell.

ClientID: Rock170 StudentID: 664503106 Psswrd: edutest

misogyny -- "hatred of women" misandry -- "hatred of men" misogyny --> dichotomy

I'm such an idiot. Honestly, I think I should be shot. Yesterday I wanted to post a journal entry stating that it has been one month since Joshua and I split, but I didn't. It didn't seem that important of a topic anymore. (The way I easily get over things is semi-frightening.) So alas, here I am. On the month aniversary of my split with "sir asshole" and someone confronts me with a request. He had a cute way of going about it, but whoa... Él es loco. Honestly, you can't be very sane to ask me out, can you. (Rhetorical question.) When Katie finds out she's going to flip, and when I say flip she's going to go nuts, but she'll deal; she doesn't really have much of a choice on the matter. I have a tendency to date people she doesn't like. (James & Joshua for instance.) Yet this one isn't an asshole so it's an improvement. Let's compare the statistics, shall we? Subject 1: James -- A relationship that lasted about a year. He made moves on a compulsive flirt, Ashley; at the time we had been dating for about three weeks. The majority of the time I spent with him alone he usually spent pestering me about getting into my pants, or getting me out of them. (A year of not getting any would drive anyone insane.) Subject 2: Joshua -- A relationship that lasted just about four months. Let's see the cost of damage: He could never do wrong, therefore I was blamed for everything. If he didn't degrade me (assumably to make himself feel better), then he degraded me for the mere sake of degrading something. He broke promises, he lied, and regardless of whether or not I still care for him I wouldn't date him if a gun was held to my temple. (Split of mutual terms.) Katie, I'm sorry for the drama I put you through. I do have a problem picking a good spouse, one you like, but this one is an improvement by far. I promise.

"I guess it's become our lifelong goal to win our parent's approval, like it or not. Especially when getting their approval is like being struck by lightening: shocking enough to kill and highly unlikely ever to happen." Don't Sleep With Your Dummer by Jen Sincero