I heart Facebook. I'm so excited!! Lately I've been getting in touch with kids from my primary school (which I loved ever so much), because one of them made a group dedicated to our year, and now we're having a reunion! Yeah baybeh! It's not for like 2 weeks but still, I'm really excited to be seeing all those people again. I really can't get over it. HSC: MOTHERFUCK. I did my Modern History exam, but I was really sick, so I notified the examiner beforehand and she gave me a misadventure form. I stayed for half of it. I did the short answers and two part questions in full, then I only did introductions, conclusions and my content in bullet points for my essays. What's gonna happen is they'll take the higher mark of my exam or my assessment mark and use that as my HSC mark. Phew. I'm getting better now, I think I puked it all up yesterday, haha. Anyway, I've got a good break now; over a week until my Drama exam. Score!

So, like, I thought I should let you all know something. And obviously, by "you all", I mean the random internet stalkers who clicked on my name in the "Latest Journal" section in an act of probable boredom. So, I've alluded or mentioned it on a few occasions, but now I think I want to just say it and get it out there. Of course, I'll be doing this in a non-direct fashion. I don't like guys. I can't picture myself with one whatsoever. This I have known for a long time. I've always said to people I trusted that I was on neither side of the fence, but I'm slowly becoming more open to the fact that I am on a side of the fence. The other side, sure, but a side. I initially had it all broken down and split up but I thought that if people saw the paragraph they'd feel less inclined to read it all. I thought I should seperate the following part for anyone who cares really, haha. Now I know a lot of people who may have encountered this journal previously would be thinking, "Oh, you're just doing this because you like The L Word." That's not true. I can honestly say I've known this for a long time. My best friend, who's been close to me since primary school, said she pretty much knew back then. People who I've told aren't exactly suprised when I tell them. Which, really is a relief for me. The show does play a role though, and that is it's made me more comfortable confronting it. I mean, before I watched the show (well, re-watched, since I first saw the show when it was came out in like 2003 or 2004), I would not have told anyone about this. But watching the show, it made me feel more, for lack of better term, normal. I hated the fact I was before I became a fan of the show, but now I'm content, and I guess I really want to let people know about it now, but at the same time I'm scared for some reactions. I've told 5 of my friends, and all of them have been totally cool with it. I'm thinking that once school's done for good that I'll be more inclined to state it blatantly. I go to an all girl's school, and you know what high school can be like. I didn't want to be treated unfairly or bullied. But, there you go. I was planning to post this on my 100th journal, haha, but I chickened out. And since it's out there now, I guess I have something new to talk about in here. HSC: General Maths was alright, some of it was mega shwee, some of it was BLEH. But tomorrow I've got Modern History. Oh dear. After that, there's only two more to go!!!

Yes, happy birthday to myself!!! Booyeah!!! I've recieved like 10 text messages, countless Facebook wall shouts, my lounge room's decorated with cards too. And I didn't even see any of my friends today! I don't talk about my birthday either, so I'm really flattered. It's great to know people care. I went out to dinner tonight too, just me and my mum, it was nice. On Friday I'll be seeing my family, the first time since the funeral. Got a phone call from my dad too, which was nice. I recieved some money from him in the mail on Monday, and I held off spending any of it until today - I only spent $64 of it, on De Blob for the Wii. Awesome game. On a side note, I'm reading (listening via audiobook) Twilight. So far I'm really enjoying it. HSC: General Maths tomorrow! I'm really excited to see my class; there's not gonna be the whole year, since not everyone does maths. Durrr. I'll be expecting many, maaany hugs and such. Oh, and I feel good about the exam.

For once in my life I have someone who needs me Someone I needed so long For once, unafraid I can go where life leads me And somehow I know I’ll be strong For once I can touch What my heart used to dream of Long before I knew Oh, someone warm like you Would make my dreams come true For once in my life I won’t let sorrow hurt me Not like it’s hurt me before, oh For once I have something I know won't desert me I’m not alone anymore For once I can say This is mine, you can’t take it Long as I know I have love I can make it For once in my life I have that someone who needs me Fucking bawled my eyes out to this song. I don't cry at anything, either.

I had this odd dream last night. I was at my old house. Now, for the shortest backing story I can give: last year, June/July, I moved to where I live now. The place where I used to live harbours a lot of bad memories and experiences for me. At this old house though, there's this giant car park type area, which is great for bikes, scooters, skateboards, etc. So I'm at this place, with a bunch of other people - but specifically, I was with Alice from The L Word. Lara, also from The L Word, was there. Then it dawns on me: I'm Dana. I mean, I'm still me, but I'm Dana at the same time. Wtf? This dream was less about the storyline, but more about the actions. So I'm "with" Lara in the dream, but I keep on wanting to be with Alice. Alice and I kept on trying to dodge Lara and everyone so we could, uhm, "be together." I remember feeling a sense of adrenaline and sincere elation with her, too. We'd run around all these areas at my old house, laughing, trying to avoid people, like it was a game for us. I haven't experienced feelings like that in my waking life for a long time. I think that's what I'm missing. I'll be completely honest: I don't think I'm as happy as I let myself show. The other week, at my friends' birthday, I was talking to three other girls, and they were talking about their boyfriends - then I made a comment along the lines of "Hey, I just noticed, I'm the only single person here!" The response was "Awwww!" Like "Awww, you haven't got a boyfriend, poor you!" Little do they know that I don't want a boyfriend, ever.

Beaches lied to me - I've ordered Entourage S3 Pt. 2 in specifically for me since it didn't arrive at the shop.

"[some insulting statement]" "... So, [manager's name], how was the casino on Thursday night? Did you win big?" "..." I got a Nintendo 64!! Banjo Kazooie, booyeah!! But now my left wrist is busted so I can't really play it without it hurting. In fact, I can't really type without it hurting. Birthday next week! I get a payrise (sweet!), an iPod and a maths exam a day late! Getting Entourage S3 Pt. 2 on Thursday. If I were to complain about something right now, it'd be petty and silly of me. It would not be justified. Pretty much everything is great. Except I'm really hungry right now. Food + L Word time!

Remember what I said about my manager in the past two entries? Yeah. Guess what? This morning, at 6AM, my phone goes off, waking up my mum and making the animals go crazy. It's my manager, with a few of the other managers from work, drunk, and apparently "walking home from the casino now!" "Yay?" "Yeah! Can we come over to your house?" "Aha, no!" "Aw, c'mon, if you called me up and asked if you could come over I'd let you!" "..." The worst part is, it wasn't even me he meant to call. "I'm with -- hey, do you know any of the boys from work?" "I'd like to think so, considering I work where you work..." "OH! SARAH!" (I don't think I've mentioned my name in here but as if my username didn't tell you) ".. Yes." "So when are you working next, champ?" Jesus H. Christ. Next time I'm working - Sunday - I know exactly what I'm going to say. Again, not aggressively, but it's got to be said.

I'm still concerned about what was outlined in my previous entry, but I do have to say - he improved. From that entry, he improved greatly with me, telling me I'd been doing a good job, etc. Now I'm paranoid that he reads this and has figured out who I am! Aha, not really. There's a few things going on with me right now. My birthday's in 15 days. 18! Yay! Studying for my exams, fun. I guess. Heh. I know what I want to do pretty much when school's over, and I'm excited about it. Some things I really don't want to mention in here. Aaand my friend's birthday this weekend! Plus, I got Viva Pinata DS. If you own a DS and do not have this game, GO GET IT NOW! Freakin' awesome. I don't want to play the Xbox version, it feels at home on the DS. The colours and graphics, the controls, everything. Ahhh. I'm really excited to hear Fall Out Boy's Folie a Deux. "I Don't Care" rocks, as does "Headfirst Slide..." - but I don't expect much less from Fall Out Boy. I love them, regardless of what anyone else says!

Good song. It's definitely me, aha. Man, I really love my work. There's one thing I haven't mentioned about it though that really detracts from it, because tonight's been the worst it's affected me. One of the managers - who I initially thought was really nice - is an absolute dickhead. I don't mean like he's just not fun or he's a little grumpy or anything, but he's really verbally abusive, especially towards me. I get told that I'm "useless", a "slut" and that I'm "fucking retarded" (though he did apologise for that one tonight) on a regular basis. I'm normally pretty good with stuff like this but tonight it got to me. He does say that he's only joking, but that really doesn't excuse it. It's pretty deflating to be singled out. I guess the main reason it especially got to me tonight was that I was volunteering to do his work for him, because when I got to the shop he was asleep and obviously not feeling so great - hungover I believe. He didn't show any appreciation for it. I have my own work to do, I could just be doing what I normally do, but I stepped up and did a managers' job as he just sat back and relaxed. A simple "thank you" or "good job" would be nice. Of course not. I get told I'm useless if I have to ask a question. If I don't know about something, it's my problem because I'm stupid or unable - not anyone elses' because they never told me, all my fault. Like I said earlier, when I initially started there, he just seemed like a bit of a character, throwing what seemed like playful insults around. He was in a good mood that night I'm guessing. When he's happy it's not so bad. It's when he actually believes what he's saying that it's not fair, and that's seemingly quite frequently. I think next time he says or does something insulting towards me I'll say something. I'm planning mini speeches in my mind directed at him in response to one of his remarks. If it happens twice or more in the one night, I'm going to respond to him - not aggressively or in an angry way, but politely and nicely, because I really don't want to get fired. As I said: I really love my work.