alright, so tomorrow is a year... its 7.25 but i dont feel like writing about the year, im not even sure that i will.. haha. but idk i wanted to write a new one so i could read something besides the day before court.. shit is so much better right now. and even tho nothing has started, its going to be better. idk it all worked out i guess. well i just wanted to say that.. ahah tomorrow mike is coming :] i hope everything goes.. smoothly? idk... i feel bad about this.. i hope luke doesnt call.. i mean he hasnt in like the past week so i dont think he will , but i would feel like a slut =x. anyway.. ill write more later.. im not in the mood to reflect on everything.. WHUDAFXUP with milk? i thought that was funny. PEACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. :D

im so scared. im.. so scared. someone please, tell me its going to be alright tell me its going to end i dont think i can handle it being an worse than it is right now. i cant take another day of being afraid of whats going to happen. please, make this end. make it be over. i dont deserve this. why is this happening to me? why is this happening just tell me why. do i really deserve this? am i that reckless? am i that much of a disappointment? i know who i want to be im not mental and i dont need help just tell me how to fix it. im just like you, trying to figure out life, just like you. please dont be harsh on me. becuase i cant take it being any worse than it is. help me. please. make it be over. slow down stop stop 11:18 PM - is everything going to be ok? i dont want to go. who am i? i miss winter days where the sun set at 4. and the snow would get in my shoes.. i miss walking across st charles. i miss listening to Do U in the car with Gracz. i miss pong at mikeys and ihop with julia at 7 am totally hungover. i miss being someone.. different. someone who thought techno was new. i miss the darkness of the classrooms around christmas. i miss the dumb fights me and the fantastic four would get in. i miss talking shit on notes to ashley in the middle of social studies. i miss learning all about my new hobby.. i miss JULIA. my sister. she left me. i miss that happy feeling i would get in the freezing cold car at 2 am. i miss sneaking out with mikey and not remembering the next day, nor caring. i miss making fun of tommy passing the fuck out. i miss pissing in mikeys toliet and having to be the fuck quiet. i miss smoking 20 cigarettes a night while watching anne hathaway on this prono. i miss walking with mikey.. i miss that night on the hill. i miss black christmas. i miss drunk movies with ashley. i miss getting ready from 3-5 at my house. i miss getting wasted with gina on new years. i miss michael falling out of molly's car. i miss the smell in the air... i miss the snow days. i miss the park with 10 feet of snow, and sitting in the mall with a puddle around me. i miss gloria jeans. i miss the winter of 07. ill say it. I MISS IT. and i cant believe i was upset then.. because if i knew that was th best part of the year i wouldnt have thought twice about anything. and for the first time in a while, my mind was on something else, on a better time. im sorry that i did this.. im sorry that i became something so shameful. why.. why am i still here? 5DAYS. AND ITS BEEN A YEAR. HOW DO YOU FEEL? ITS BEEN ONE YEAR 365 DAYS 52 WEEKS. AND HOW DO YOU FEEL? DO YOU FEEL BETTER!?!?!?!?!

I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR I NEED A CAR more later. but let it be known that the day i get my license, will be the best day of my whole fucking life.

the last time i did this i think it helped. when i could just list what i feel, not having to explain it. tommy is fucking dumb. i dont even know what the fuck i was thinking. and i cant believe i was that fucking stupid. god i wish i could punch myself for that. luke!?!?! why does it seem like im the ONE person he doesnt want to talk to!? i dont understand what the fuck is even going on, and its really digging at me. all i can think about is him... or mike! because i can't seem to sit here all alone. I just wish that i could IM mikey, and talk to him. sometimes i think he's all that helps me. and i miss him so much, and i'm never going to admit that... ever. Imran, a self centered ass most of the time. always wants to talk about his issues, and then when i have one, boom! its all about me. whatever, fuck you. nice talk nathan. im glad there's someone else out there. mike.. do you miss me? do you want me back? do you love me? what the fuck is going on. this game is so OVER. IM NOT HOOKING UP WITH YOU RYAN. wow oh, and carly! ahha FUCK YOU. i cant even stand looking at you, your the fakest person that i have ever met in my life. you lead people on, and you have reinvented the name "FAKEMYSPACEBITCH." haha. hope your happy fucking idiot. sometimes i get off. fourth drink instinct, APPROPRIATE. why does it feel like no one senses when something is wrong? why do i want them to? _xx.

Politics- Fuck the conservatives. its about time that we got the hell out of Iraq. if we weren't so greedy with oil then we wouldn't even be stuck in the middle east. we need to get a new president, and hopefully they wont fuck everything up like Bush seemed to. I'm a liberal at heart, and i believe strongly in helping the environment. I think that global warming will destroy the planet, and if you don't care, then you are a heartless idiot. I also think that people should pay attention to politics. Your going to be voting soon, you might as well know who the fuck the president is! Fake Girls/Myspace Whores/6th Graders- To all these girls that think its cute to post half naked pictures of yourself on myspace are just plain stupid. Writing a novel for an about me telling us all about you 'hard times' and how your not like everyone else, doesn't make you look cooler. Changing your picture every week is pointless! We know who you are and what you look like, thanks. No one wants to read about your BFFFFFFLZZZZZ LyKE OMgzzzzzzzzzzz ! no thanks. your so stupid. changing your about me and top 8 everyday DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOLER! If your fake, good for you, have fun making friends in high school. If your a 6th grade whore, HAHA. have fun with that, because in 7th and 8th + grades, your going to get your ass beat. Boys- Impossible. They will never be understandable or tolerable. End. Gay Marriage- I support. I don't think its anyone's business who others choose to love and spend their lives with. If it's not your marriage, then back the fuck off. Abortion- Fuck the men who think they can tell women what choices they have. I do agree with the fact that it effects the economy, thats a fact, but I support the fact that women should be able to have abortions if they choose. Music- If you just like mainstream; you know nothing about music. I listen to the music that i love, and not to mention... the good shit. I really don't care what kind of music you like or listen to, just don't IM me and tell me ' OMG THE SONG ITS MY LIFE BY DJ INPHINITY IS SO GOOD.' thanks, i know its from DT4. My music consists of Alternative, Techno, Rap & Hip Hop etc. i DON'T especially enjoy country, if you do, more power to you. Drives me fucking crazy when people think MY HUMPS is a hip track. No. Just, No. I'll respect your music if you return the same respect to me and my music. Drugs and Alcohol- I drink, I smoke. I do not roll xtc. I do not smoke crack, and I DO NOT snort cocaine or meth. I've made mistakes, and done some pretty stupid shit. You think i'm trash or stupid? alright, you have every right to, and i'll probably agree with you. You choose how to live your life, and I'll choose how to live mine. Religion- I am Catholic. I do not pray before eating. I do not read the bible. I have been to church about 6 times in my life. I believe in God. I don't think people should be treated differently over religion. It's the dumbest thing to fight over. You can believe whatever the fuck you want to. Your beliefs are yours, and always will be. Race- I don't believe in racism. That doesn't mean i haven't told a racist joke, but I really try not to. I don't understand why the color of your skin has any effect on who you are as a person. For the people who think all blacks, asians, or muslims are bad; Fuck you. Grow the fuck up. I have friends of every race, and I'm damn proud of it. Vegitarians- Good for you. I can't do it, and I need the protein, but more power to you. Abstinence- Your choice. Have fun when you marry someone, and then have the worst sex the rest of your life. Oh, and if condoms didnt work ( which is what the school wants us to believe ) the worlds population would be way more the 6.5 billion. and every teenage girl you know would be carrying diaper bags. Anarchy- ahahahahahha. I WISH. if only it could work! write more laterrrrrrrrr :D