just read a freshman bullition thing. looks like people have no respect nemore. just seems like the worst possible time to grow up our world is really turning into hell. high school seems like the worst and best time of your life. i honestly wish that i could just go away to an island. i dont even want to go next year. our world is a fake place. get over it.

I think everyone needs to get out of school. Personally, i need summer to come, because just about everyone is school is driving me insane. I hate how much drama has to be created everyday over nothing! People like to make huge deals out of nothing. Lately it just seems that people are waiting for something to talk about, which just shows how lame their lives are. It's sad the amount of friends everyone loses just because they want to be popular; or cooler or whatever. Always with girls, whenever times get rough, we turn against each other and fight about everything that might be happening. But guys always stick together? You would think girls would figure out that splitting up and bitching at each other does jack shit. Everyone's lives are being taken over by the materialistic things in life. It seems like the more we all grow up, the more we act like friendship doesn't matter. We all use the term ' best friend ' so freely, just because you hang out with someone once, doesn't make then your BFFFL. It's horrible how shady everyone can be just to get a few extra people to like them. You have to experience something horrible to find out who will be there for you when it's the hardest, and when it's all over. I think i realized that people change, and that doesn't make them any better, or any worse. As time goes on, you learn that your best friend, probably won't be there in a couple years. You learn that your family is going to go through hard times. And most importantly, you learn that life is going to push you around.. a lot. Life creates obstacles to see who will overcome them with you. We all need to chill out, and forget about everything we think is 'so important' and just focus on what we're really living to do. No one ever smiles at the dumb jokes, or the simpler things in life. Everything is a contest or race, but what are we even competing for? It's pointless to live up to other people's standards other than your own. The only person that you can trust, depend on, and fall back on; is yourself. When you think everything is going extraordinarily bad, the one person that is going to give you strength; is yourself. The most annoying thing is when people judge for no reason. It would make my life a lot easier if you don't come up to me and tell me your full blown out opinion of me. Contrary to your belief, i'm not going to care. No one said i have to live my life according to anyone else, and i'm not going to. Everyone needs to stop judging people if they know nothing about them. We all judge, but it's a horrible habit, and we should just stop. No one is born judgmental, racist, or hateful. It's all learned, which means it can be stopped. Everyone should consider being who they really want to be. Granted, everyone makes bad choices, dumb mistakes, and screws people over. No one said we were perfect, but no one said we can't try to be better. ..everyone posted a blog now. i think i posed one cuz i wanted it to be known how i felt and i needed people to know some stuff. usually people say that they post blogs because they needed to write stuff down , well i already write so much, so it doesnt really count for me. i guess it was nice to hear from peple about my blog. like alexis t. i mean it was nice of her to say i was genuine . i like to hear the fact that im not a fake whore like all the people at my school. I read ritter's blog, and its kinda mean , but all so fucking true. i mean regardless of the part about me and jessica, which was rather shady, and i dnt even know why she put that in there. im so tried, i fell asleep at like 6 and woke up at like 10 . haha luke.. so confusing . i need CD's . music is getting low. night .. im so tired. :x i have so much to say.. just not right here , and not on this entry. spill canvas; dutch courage.

good movie. for some reason i cried. so hard, and i have no idea why. maybe because its mother's day and i though about how well the movie shows love or maybe its Carly, and its her favorite movie. reminds me of the past. reminds me of when everything was good. the movie makes me feel good. i forgot how much i love it .

what i've leaned lately , is basically .. you have to do what you want to make you happy. imran tells me all the time that he respects me, and that he likes who i am because i tell people what i think , and how i feel . i never used to do that.. but ive come to realize that if you want people to respect you, you have to tell them how you feel . Carly called me, basically pleading for me to take her back as a friend. Of course ,im always going to love carly, but i told her what i thought .. and how i felt . i told her how she left me at the mall when i really needed her.. and how she ditched me for bella and popularity . i tell her its ok.. because i told her that i moved on and found people that i can trust so much now. she didnt feel the same way , well obviously she didnt, because she's the one with the shitty friends still. We talked about how i got away, and i told myself that i wanted my best friend to be someone that wanted the best for me, and was happy when i was happy. I never need someone to tell me that i'm not good enough for what i want. I never want anyone telling me how to live my life, or tell me what to do or what makes me happy. I think for the first time this year, i;ve found someone that just fits me. I think i realized that as soon as you find a friend you don't have to try to keep, well those are the true ones. Jessica never left me , but she was there at the right time that i needed her. Imran was there when i needed someone the most, and it always means so much that he cares about me that much. I want to be someone that people really respect , and when they look at me.. i want them to think "wow, shes been through it all." I think in some sense people do look at me, and they see that i know what is going on. Ive been through hell and back already, and it had taught me almost everything i know now. everything that i have been through, its taught me so much about myself. I have been through all the drama. it pisses me off how Karley thinks she can act like she's the only one that has been through a tough time . wtf ? yeah you are definitely the only person that has been left out, or ditched, or lied to. Don't even think of coming up to me and telling me what i have and havent been through. I know what its like to be ditched and hated and ganged up on and lied to over and over. Dont tell me that i dont understand, yeah , your right, some shit i havent been through yet. some things i really dont understand . but talk to me first , and see what i do undertsand, and then you can judge me , and tell me what youve been through . bothers me when people think that just becuase they have relitave power they can treat others like shit. Ashley , just becuase you scare people does not mean that you can talk shit about everyone undert he sun. Bella, just because you have had sex doesnt mean that you can disinegrate people until they have to go to counselling . Carly , just becuase people cant use words like you doenst mean your automatially smarter than they are. Gina, just cuz we all dont break into houses doesnt make us pussys , it makes us less trashy . i need a cigarette . im going to see if mom's awake . :] hotels and heroine. xxnight.