smokinnnnnnnnnnnnnn ` dro . mtwthufri

drugs, boys, school, family. i miss him. and im not going to lie about it . i just do , i want to be with him whenever i can and i dont know why . its not like we dated for a long time and i have this need to be around him... i just like his company so much . and even tho this seems so stupid to say.. its hard to see him always with julia and shit . i know how thats going to go . everyone loves julia.. and its always been that way .shes alwyas the one that people are asking about or they want to be with . im so used to it , i mean shes my sister... what the hell am i going to do about it? its so stupid how i miss him . i just want to blaze with him and i dont kno why . things remind me of him and it sucks . just everyhting right now is a mess . when is it not a mess? i dont know why... but i have this thing about me.. its like a game . i have to do all the drugs and drink just to make myself look older or whatever .i mean yeahi love to blaze... but with my sister and tommy and mikey or bender or ram or nick. they have this awesome weed . and i may sound like a pothead and im not trying to make myslef come off like some druggie and like i kno everything about everything... but idk . its not even worth it anymore . nothing really is . im just goingto let mikey talkto me... im not even going to try . he can do whatever the fuck he wants . he didnt need me... and i dont need him. drugs or me . jimmy eat world .

i'm leslie . don't judge me . don't think that your better than me . don't act like a shady bitch , thats not even cool . i like to have fun . usually im not the happiest person in the world , but that doesnt mean im depressed . labels & everything about them can go burn in hell . people who make others feel like shit can join the labels in hell . i don't believe much in being perfect . i dont think that pretending to be perfect is going to get you any further in life , than actually living it . i believe in living in the moment & hoping for the future . i dont stick with one group of friends , i talk to who i like , and trust who i know i can. i keep my secrets to myslef , becuase frankly , i can only trust myself . i dont let others in easily . the way i see it , anyone can be anyone on a certain night . people change , so you never know who your going to fall in love with . i live with regrets , and i think everyone can agree with it . theres no point in making a huge deal about nothing , pet peeve number one . dont tell me who to be and/or what to believe . i've lived long enough to make my own descions , and i know right from wrong . i get in a bad mood extremley quickly . i dont like it when people annoy me for no reason . i dont kno why people have to provoke me , its pointless . people think i freak out for no reason , but usually its becuase i have too much on my mind not to freak out . i do things that i shouldnt , talk to people i kno aren't helping me , and say things i don't mean . i dont live life to the fullest , and i would love to be one of those people who does . i try to have as much fun as i can , while i balance my life . i dont like to always be negative , even tho most people see me as the number one pessimist . i'm usually always tired , and usually never hyper . my friends are so important to me & the complete opposite of me . people tell me all the time that i take life to seriously , and i know i do . i can get really tense , but at the same time i don't give a fuck . i live day to day , and i try to make ends meet . i honestly believe that being a teenager sucks for most to all people , and that highschool is a drama freakshow . i dont think that im the shit , or that i should be treated any more importantly than you . im not stupid , so don't try to tell me that i am . people are a lot smarter , and a lot stupider than me . i have a sister that i love so much , and basically my other half . i couldnt live without her . family sucks major ass usually , but i guess we work it out once and a while . im not one to spend too much time on anything . im impatient and antsy , its just who i am . im not a totally girly-girl , but im not a tomboy . i like my eyeliner , but i love to play sports . i swam for over half my life , and have played about all the sports girls play . school always makes sense to me , but other things make sense more to me . i dont get a lot of therioes or ideas , and i dont get a lot of people , the things i do get consist of music , sports , and keeping to myself . i hate change. i don't like loosing people who make me happy & comfortable . i have the worst self esteem , and i don't say stuff like that to get compliments . i hate public speaking , and awkward conversations with people i don't know . i believe that not one person is alike , but we all share the same basic shell . i hate it when people act like no one will ever understand them , becuase besically thats bullshit , there si always someone willing to help someone else . love is hard , and honestly something i won't experience for a while . i dont think love has an age limit , and i dont think that people sould label relationships . i love to relax , i hate being stressed out , which is usually something i am . i love music . and i actually listen to it . i know what the songs mean , and i memorize the meaning . my life doesnt suck , but i dont live the rich wonderful life some are custom to . dont use me , dont push me to the limit , dont test me , dont talk about me , dont act like you kno what im going through . dont try to comfort me with a fake smile . dont act happy fucking 24/7 , it makes you look high all the time , dont be annoying for no reason , dont act like you care , dont act like you favor me over someone else , dont rip me off , dont feed me lies . give me the truth . i love to have fun , i love to drink , i love to party , i love to get outof my shell , i love to sleep , i love boys [ ehh ] , i love music , i love rollercoasters , i love christmas , i love hugs , i love to smile , i love to cry , i love to spend summer days tanning , i love to ski , i love to sing in the shower , i love to fall asleep watching a movie , i love to get away , i love not having to worry , i love being high , i love having all my friends be happy ,i love getting good grades, i love poetry , i love sucseeding , i love not giving a fuck , i love swearing at the top of my lungs ,i love smoking , i love being in love , i love not having to worry about anything . you get one life . and you should live it , or at least try . smile , live , laugh , and love . recent . when im drunk , i speak the truth . and the truth this time i guess is that i miss mikey . i miss himso fucking much . and now that i actually look at the siuation , i look at why im mad at him , or why i regret fucking everything about us dating . what makes me so upset? and this is all when im drinking or smoking . i see why im so unhappy and who and what made me like that . i miss him becuase of how he made me feel , i miss how he held me and how he made me feel good . he made me feel like i was the one he wanted , and that he wanted to take care of me , or that he was willing to . he made me feel pretty , and important . he didnt bullshit me . ont the opposite side of it , he did use me , i did so much more than i wated to , and now look , he doesnt fucking want to talk to me? wtf is that ? honestly , makes me so fucking sick that i had to be there for him and then hes telling me that he has to change , look then i IM him , hay whats up ? ohh nothing im just FUCKING ROLLING . its like ohhhh . what else is new? like i kno thats all you do , and you picked drugs over me . whatever . im not going to be ellen for you , and i think and i kno thats what he wanted . this kid meant a lot to me , and it hurts knowing that i mean jack shit to him . winter wasnt my season . yeah fucking right , it wasnt . 8th grade sucks . !(^%%^&*(*&^% the one person i can thank is imran . thank you for being there for me . i hope that i never lose you , and this summer most def we are going to be so much closer . =] last song : BREATH 2 AM . artist: ANNA NALICK .