between black and white . there are shades of gray . more or less , darkness meets the end of the day . pain belongs to the common man , not the perfect or unknown . the fire of the forever damned will never burn as fast as love . tears dont break you down , nor do they make one strogner. an expression of loss , of one whos there no longer . life is a journey , with no begining or end . just shades of gray , and the help of a friend . counting all the mistakes , listing all the misfortunes , only conveys the darkness , but never buries the torture . live with vigilance , love with passion , regret nothing , becuase sooner or later , life forgets your mistakes .

You shouldnt cry over guys . i think its the first time that i can honestly say a guy didnt want me . he doesnt want me. thats what hurts . do i want to cut? no . i just want to sit here , becuase ive been happy lately i guess .. and i havent cried in about 2 months . when usually id cry abouy every other day . not becuase i was unhappy . it was becuase i wasnt content . i guess mikey made me feel happy . he made me feel like i was different . he took care of me . happy valentines day right ? 2 days later we break up . i dont want this to seem like he meant the world and everything . but i did care about him . and i kno i didnt mean as much to him as he meant to me . i guess it hurts . i'll get over it . worst part about this is i have no control over what he does .. not like i did with mike . it sucks . this is why i listen to emo music . song: sewn . artist: the feeling .

i think about my life . and its not bad , but its not good . i guess everyone wants the same things when theyre my age . good friends , maybe a boyfriend or something . but look at where we are . do you think that i fit in with the people that i hang out with ? no , becuase im just not like them . i dont hang out with them as much as they hang out with eachother . they dont care about anyone but theirselves , and i can only hope that one day thats going to come back and hit them in the face . and i kno that in highschool its going to be hard .. and theyre going to say .. "oh , i dont give a shit. " but you know they do . should i let them become closer? or should i try to join in? becuase i can always try , but its not like they want to . and see how good of friends i have , to not respect adnything i do , and not be there when somethng bad happens , and just becuase they hug out with one person that weeked , they put them on their top 12 . whatever ,i think its bullshit . i dont even talk to them anymore.. well not bella . look , shes on right now . i make choices everytime i see her , do i IM her ,? should i even have to think about it ? i guess only some people are there for you , some arent . dont you wish you could move away ? dont you wish theat you could start over , and be who you really want .. psh , i guess i said that when i moved here , what did i know ? i was in 6th grade. u have never grown so much as a person than i have in the last 2 years . i dont even know who i am . i guess i know kinda of.. but i can't say that i'm for sure . idc . about any of it . mikey . ashley . gina . carly . BELLA ! i just dont care . ugh . last song : chasing cars . artist: snow partol , "[ (*&^%$#$%^&*(*&^%$#$%^&* . ADDING ON TO AANY OF THE BULLITONS IN THE MONTH OF JANUARY . mikey doesnt help , he hurts . makes me worse . just wait .

As the days pass slowly And the weeks creep by I find myself obsessing About ways that i could die I lay awake at night Thinking of my pain There's no way it can get better I have nothing left to gain Suddenly thought of death Are controlling my every move And every battle with my mind I always seem to lose I no longer want to bearound The peoples that i love All that I can think about Is whats waiting up above I cut my arms with razor blades to dull the pain inside But that can only last so long I don't want to be alive I manage to keep my composure When peoples are around They wouldn't understand so I don't make a sound I smile when i have to I break down when i don't I know I should be strong but i also know i won't So i plan to take some pills It shouldn't take too long I write out notes to all my friends to read when i am gone I ask my mom to understand that life is just too hard my mind can't fight it anymore my heart is far to scarred i plan it out so perfectly i even set a date im pretty sure im ready i kno this is my fate My bed is made up neatly As i take them one by one I start to feel a little scared I know I'm almost done All that I can think about is how I'm letting go and how much I love my family I really hope they know my eyes are getting heavy my body feels so weak everything inside is so numb thats the way it has to be I'm glad my moms not here right now to watch me slowly die but still i wish that i could say "i love u and good-bye" I give in to the darkness I slowly slip away I hope I go to heaven where dark night turns to day I wake up in confusion I don't know where i am is this heaven, or is it hell the land of the eternally damned There are peoples all around although i can barely see I can hear the soothing voices of peoples dear to me my family and friends are here comforting one another I can hardly make out any words until I hear my mother each tear she cries feels like a knife stabbing at my soul I let my pain and suffering blind me from my goal at one point I was determinded to make it through this test to lead a life of fulfillment and to do my very best but I lost all sight of that I hope she can forgive I promise not to waste my second chance to live I sit up in my hospital bed tears streaming down my cheeks my mother rushes over crying like she hasnt seen me in weeks I tell her I am sorry for causing so much strife I tell her that i will succeed in leading a better life together we figured out a way for me to get some help I knwo now that I can go to her instead of it myself I know that it's not over yet it's a long road up ahead but I appreciate the little things because i could be dead I've learned to live each passng day as if it were my last I look forward to the future and I'm learning from my past

so many things make me mad. just knowing that people you once trusted have turned to shit. and honestly thats not the bad part . the bad part is just feeling like you have no one there . even if you kno you do . there are people there , but sometimes you want certain people there . and its so shady how my friends would turn on me like that . thats the shittiest part about all of this . becuase its over nothing . yeah i get the whole bella thing , but once again wtf why would it have even mattered if i was there or not? you think i would rather be there and not with my sister . yeah right . some things just make me sick . i feel like sleeping unitl 2060 .

i can easily say that this is the worst year . Y0URxG0RGE0US: go smoke some squares with the chinck Y0URxG0RGE0US: in china yeah.. bffl . i guess u have to realize that no one is trustworthy . i think i kno that now. this is where emo music hits us ... we realize thats why it was created . just keep thinking you can get through it . i dont even know.