tomorrow is two months. but, oh SO MUCH LONGER. two months is only the beginning. two months that i've respent my time with him. two months that make me happier than anything. i can't even begin to explain how i feel . it's like an overwhelming feeling of happiness, its so much, it confuses you. when i'm around him, its like nothing else matters, he makes me smile, laugh, and love myself. i don't care about school, drama, or sadnesss. everything fades away . everything falls apart so i can be with him. when its cold, i feel warm in his arms. when i'm sad, i feel happy. when i'm scared, i feel safe. no one else makes me want to live life more than him. when i get to actually see him, those are the best times. but when i get to be with him, those are even better. when i can lay there, my head on his chest, and just smile. thinkiong about what so many girls want. to be loved. so many girls want to feel this way . they want to just lay there with their boyfriend, and not have to force it. i dont have to make him make me happy. it just happens that way . nothing is more adorable than the way he always tells me how truley in love with me he is. it makes me want to cry, becuase from the moment i met mike, i knew it was something. i knew tht something would happen there, i knew that we would get to know eachother. and now, i can't think of anyone who knows me but him. i dont get jealous of bella and nikko anymore, becuase i know i have the same thing, maybe even better. becuase i dont love the image of mike. i dont love the picture of a boy. or the hooking up . i love the boy. i love that boy more than the world. and i can't think of anyword besides love, i love him. thats it. the end. dont forget it. stcwrestler115: leslie im not ieing i cant like you anymore stcwrestler115: im in love stcwrestler115: umm i love you for everything you do stcwrestler115: like when i say i love you im not just saying it i mean it stcwrestler115: let me explain it this way stcwrestler115: YOU MAKE ME WANNA LALA stcwrestler115: lol [tell me you don't love him. ] last song heard:A artist: cartel. xx.

i was thinking, about mike. can you make me a promise? next time you say your done, YOUR DONE. you mean it. not that that time is coming, but, just kno that you have to except that. you have to move on eventually, and you cant let the present interfere with the past and the future. i remember when mike metz was ON top of me, i thought NO NO NO NO , i cant, and guess what, i didn't. that was the hardest thing, to say NO . but i did, i refused, i left, yeah there were consequences, but i will never do that again. i learn from my mistakes. i was talking to luke, and chad, and it hit me, they think that i can do better than mike. i ws thinking, and hoesntly, i dont give a shit, i dont care. i mean i dont crae what they think. but i love him. i cant get this off of my head. colin said i was "big". thats my biggest fear. and i hate that door, and i hate to open it, but what else am i supposed to do ? i hate feeling bad. i hate feeling like i'm fat, or big. i cant wait until basketball., im making A, i dont care, im not "big" i hate that. i need mike, i need him to tell me im not. =[ whatever, fuck tht. i bet more ppl want to fuck me than colin =0 i miss remy, i hope he's happy, please tell me he is. please, he needs to be. ='[ last song heard: be yourself. artist: audioslave [ha, how fitting] P.S. write when mike is ungrounded. =] xx.

second entry today . i guess i cant sleep . im up here, and this has happened twice this week. i sit in my bed , just thinking. like there is nothing else i could be doing. but i could be sleeping. whats bothering me? i cant really pinpoint it on one thing. maybe just woner and worry combined into amsomnia. i am not really sure tho. you know whats fun? thinking about the past. looking through old notes and pictures and stuff. looking through how it used to be. you compare it to the life you live today and wonder if you made the right choices. you miss things about the life you had, and you cant wait to see what will happen. one thing that i have noticed, not just in me but in the human race. ive notices that humans are never content with the way they are t one moment. they are never happy with anything. thats why those moments of utter happiness mean so much to humans. becuase when things dont matter, for those minutes, or mabye even seconds, you can forget about all your troubles and live life the way you are supposed to. i wonder if god intended us to fret so much . you wonder if we are supposed to be living this way . you are always thinking how things were, or could be, and how they are. how about you live by the moment? enjoy everything you have, and dont worry about the things that you dont. you know the saying " if you cant get someone out of your head maybe they are supposed to be there?" maybe it works the same way with life. if you dont have something in life, maybe you arent supposed to have it at that second. you can only be grateful for the people and things in your life. think about this. you are not going to be here one day . why would u want to make your life boring? do you really want to make your life bland? i dont think anyone is supposed to have a boring life, but they prevent themselves to ever doing anything. i dont plan on going to jail, or killing people. but i do plan on living a little. when i think of myself, i dont think of a girl who can dance at parties, or have fun. yet i can have fun with one person, or a tic tac toe board. if i can just get into someones heart, that is the most satisfying thing to me. when you kno that you have made a new friend. "the walls continually change." true. you always change. you find youself, even if you have lost it a few times. you find your way, even if youve had some construction. you find your soul. you just have to do some searching. sleep now? i hope so , blow out the candles and sleeep away. last song heard: daughterrrs. artist: john mayer. xx.

i love miiiiiiike.

new month right? yeah, i guess so . reading over these. whats changed? honestly. have you become a better person?? have you done anything so incredibly fun that you cant stand it? i went egging. WOW. you are so cool. who cares? arent there better things to do then to just egg shit? wow, i have so much homework, its not even funny. all i want to do is see or talk to mike, but i cant. becuase hes grounded. honeslty, i should be too. not too many kids get off the hook for drving illegally, but i guess lifes not fair. idk, i guess im bored, tired. i dont have school tomorrow =] yay? lol. i guess lifes okay right now, it seems dulllll. like nothing fun is coming and nothing fun has really happened. you know when there is a dry spot? like you have nothing to look foward to, like there is nothing on your calender with a huge heart around it, like its the best time of the year. i guess its not like that for my sister. she gets to drive, and i get to watch her. [fun?] mmhmm. i guess i just have to wait. there is one thing i want to seeee. i want to see how it pans out. i want to see how the new year is going to be spent. i want to see who i love, who i am friends with, who we hang out with. where i am,, who i am. where i sleep. stuff like that . new year, there is always something fun. why am i worrying about that ,...? its october, and it just began october. i want it to be december. i miss the winter. i love the snow, and the hot cocoa and the old movies, and the cuddling with a book and blanket. all i want is to see him, its hard, but ill pull thorugh. ahh homework !! school !! family !! friends !! life !! aha. =0 last song heard: let the drummer kick artist: citizen copeeee. xx.