wow. this entry may enter two days. sometimes i feel like i lose myself. becuase i do things that i would never do. yeah, going to movies with my friends and shit like that...but then going back to carly's with 3 boys? i felt so out of place when i was sitting there with ashley and jake...and ashley was pressuring me to do things that i would have never thought of doing. when jake and i were hooking up...i can't say that i didnt feel scared. he was touching me like i should know him. and now i really dont understand how people can use other people like that. i cant judge him, becuase when it comes down to it...i dont know this kid, but something must be wrong with him. i mean to make out with a random girl, and use people like that. it makes me respect the guys i have in my life that would never do anything to hurt me, that would never do anything to harm me, and do anything to keep me out of trouble. i never want to lose my real friends. when i lose myself, i realize who i am, but then again, this is life. all you can do is live it. and there are going to be regrets, and mistakes, and people who affect your life so much. but in the end, dont regret anything, becuase in some sense, its exactly what you wanted. last song heard: one eighty by summer. artist: taking back sunday. xx.

wow, i mean this week has been so confusing. and as always the one thing that cheers me up is music. i turn on strays dont sleep and my mind wanders, of course i thn fall asleep to the emo songs and fade away into my sleep. i am then awaken by fone calls and such...but nothing is better than falling asleep to music. hearing the noted splatter around in your head like they are a part of you. for blue skies is playing...and i've heard it twice tonight, considering that the album only has 11 songs...but still...its amazing. i miss just sitting and listening to music, but now that i am doing it again, it feels like home. i like writing this all down...i'm bored, and just sitting here waiting for the fone call i am soon awaiting from my best friend...maybe she can being a smile to my face. last song heard: you belong to me. artist: strays dont sleep. night. xx.