Yeah..so when we were at allison's 18th birthday bonfire. shandi decided to back stab me :O...well somehow im not too surprised. after all the times i told her that i can only trust brandon. after i poured my heart out saying that i hated even hearing about other girls from brandon. she fuckin let it happen. he only put his arms aroudn her but the thing is- is she let it happen. and then she lied about it the next day saying that she wouldnt call him or text him or talk to him because she "couldnt ever do that to me" which is comeplete bull shit. she texted him and i finally told brandon how i felt. i told him i felt like he doesnt care about me or our friendship. then he told shandi that he couldnt do anything with her and shit like that. i dont know. just lately something always has to be wrong with my friends. thats the downfall about having friends in every group. seperate groups. seperate problems. seperate drama. and to this day she still denies that she texted him. yeah its only a text, it's only an arm around the shoulder. but thats just how it starts. not only is it hard for me to see brandon with other girls but seeing him with someone like shandi would kill even more. then he stops talking to me so much and he'd never come into town to see me it'd be to see shandi and then i'd never get to see him even and it's just never good. im just so worried i want everthing to stay the same with brandon and i. i know im really attatched and yeah i know..im pretty addicted to him. i just dont know how to break it. not calling him is just suicidal.(haha) i dk what else to do. brandons the only one that i can trust. brandon is the only one i need. brandon is seriously my best friend and i hope it stays that way. i can only hope though. later.peace.|/. zache.

homecoming wasnt the greatest. i guess brandon was "driving like an ass hole" according to wendy and kayla. brandon was driving corey and i; kayla was driving with wendy. brandon passed them and apparently like i said was "driving like an asshole". whatever. its hard to think that in that one week like 8 of my friendships fell apart. Wendy said that she needed space and that i shouldnt wait around for her. then i reminded her that we're not going out. i cant really trust anyone right now. not kenzie, not kayla, not corey, not allison, not nick, not wendy. not anyone. i get fucked over by the ppl that i trust the most. i hate when people you love let you down. after homecoming everything between brandon and i became a lot better. cept he likes some chick in his gym class. very upsetting. haha. i hate seeing him with any girl though. even this girl thats one of his best friends i get jealous if he talks about her. Brandon is the only person that i can fully 100% trust. it's sad. he said that im afraid of getting attatched and stuff when really he's the one im attatched to. scary. he's coming to see me tomorrow and im getting the pictures from homecoming developed tonight after school so i am very very excited. haha. i gotta run. later.peace.|/. zache

So today is a little better. i had a huge major crying thing with wendy. figured out.... screw brandon. he wants to be an ass. let him. homecoming will be homecoming. drama is drama. my friends are my friends. it's all ridiculous. later.peace.|/. zache

today is not a good day. i am not in a good mood. everyone and everything is bothering. im sick over everyones shit that they give me. im sorry but when im having a conversation with someone do not expect me to completely stop the conversation to talk to you. sorry if thats rude, but thats how it is. and one of my friends can not seem to get that through her head so we got in a high fight in study hall. ridiculous. theres a lot of stuff going on with my dad too. after i moved back in this year after a whole summer w/o him, kim, and meagan (dont forget meagan's new born) it just doesnt feel right still. i mean i really feel like im the random kid thats there every other week still. i dont know what else to do. today is his birthday. today im telling him that i want to live over at my moms. i hate when people i love let me down. i hate myself sometimes. also brandon yelled at me last night i dont know why really. i dont know what's gotten into him and it's starting to scare me because he's suppose to be my best friend...i just dont understand. everyones getting on my nerves and yet it kinda seems like im getting on everyone elses nerves. i dont know what else to say or anything. not sure if anyone even reads these. later. peace.|/. zache