Again- I don't really write on this much, but I do feel obligated to keep this kind of current with my life. So without further ado... I'm in college now. Crazy stuff. I moved six hours away and knew only one person at my new school, but it's worked out wonderfully. I love the new everything here, though I am ready for a new semester already. I need a new adventure. After months of not speaking and a huge fight, I think Dustin and I are in a good place. We're legitimately friends with no lingering feelings of any sort on either side, which is a huge relief. Though we haven't spoken in a week, so we'll see how that goes. Andrew? I'm not even going to bother writing about him. Not worth it. Uhhh... I mean, there's not a whole lot to write about, I guess. I mean, not things that I would write about here, anyway. It's been more than a year, and I feel like I haven't changed m-- No. That's not true. I have changed. A whole hell of a lot, too. You know something? I don't need to write here anymore. The only thing that's keeping me writing here is my stupid sense of pride and how much I worry that all of you reading-- which could easily be, like, three people-- will -like- me. How pathetic is that? My entire sense of self-worth is based on whether or not I feel I have presented myself honestly and interestingly enough for a bunch of strangers to -like- me. Screw that shit. Anyhow. It's been fun, and I hope you all find what you need in your lives. I haven't yet, but I'm a helluva lot closer than I was last year.

So, it's been awhile. Not that anyone reads this, but regardless of that, I still feel a need to update. And I'll try to update without complaining. I tend to resort to complaining when I'm too tired to form a coherent thought. On that note, this is merely going to be a brief update. The Dustin thing- it's over. He switched schools, so I miss him terribly, but I'm also really relieved. I can finally move one with my life without him weighing me down all the time. He's also got a new girlfriend that I would have never seen him with, but he's a big boy, so I'm sure he can manage without my opinion or interference. Andrew. I just want to punch that kid in the face. I love him. That's that. Maybe this new year will see a change in pace as far as that situation goes. We'll see. I got a lot of books and music for Christmas and birthday, which is very exciting. I've read most of the books already, but they were so good that I couldn't resist. One of the new cds I got was Owl City's "Ocean Eyes" and it's kind of my guilty pleasure cd. It's so different than anything I've ever listened to before, and I love how poetic his lyrics are. They make me smile, as corny as that sounds. Oh, that community theatre production? It turned out really well, but I wish I would've have several prior weeks to familiarize myself with the show. It's whatever now, though. I'm currently playing Assassin's Creed II with a frenzy because it's -amazing-. Can't wait to see what happens as the plot develops. Mostly, I'm excited for the new year. I want it to be different. It's my last year of high school before I move away for college, and I want to start maturing a little more while simultaneously having a great end to my high school career. Ha, yeah. We'll see how that turns out. :) That's it for now. I just felt like I needed to redeem myself a little after those last entries. I wish you all the best New Year.

...But it's always back to you. So, I thought of a metaphor for what I've got going with this guy. It's like when you sprain or strain something. For awhile, it hurts acutely, but you eventually learn to work around it- how to adjust your walking, or how you lift things, etc, so it doesn't hurt anymore. It's only when someone says, "Jump!" that you remember how much it still hurts. This is how it is with Haley. She's one of my best friends- beautiful, quirky, and still completely in love with him, even though she doesn't want to be. Every time I learn to walk without feeling the pain, we talk and she makes me jump. Then it hurts all over again. And this other thing with Andrew- it will absolutely break my heart if he and Maggie start dating. I love them both to death, but I don't think I could take it. I can't even think about it- I can't fathom the depth of hurt that there would be. It would be unbearable. And finally, I'm incredibly frustrated with this damn community theatre production. I got roped into being a techie, and I dislike it very, very much. I certainly hope it gets better. I'm much too tired to elaborate on any of this now. I mostly just wanted to write the metaphor thing down before I forgot it. Some of the best ideas I get have occurred to me whilst I was mowing. God, this is so poorly written. I'm sooo tired. Ugh.

So, I can't write this anywhere else, or someone I don't want will see it. And I suppose it shouldn't be "this," but "these things" because there are, in fact, several items I need to address. I think I'm falling in love with Andrew, which sucks for oh, so many reasons. He's (currently) in love with one of my good friends, and she's contemplating loving him back. I told him several years ago that he had no chance with me (I know- I was young, and very stupid). He could never love me back, because I don't look like his ideal girl. And the absolute worst part is that he's perfect for me, and vice versa. So much of who we are is compatible, and I don't understand how he can't see that. I've thought this for years, ever since we built that stupid eagle out of giant Legos in kindergarten. But you know, I think I'll have to be content with being his friend. If I try to talk to him about this, I'll lose him. I'd rather have some of him than none at all. Dustin. God, he gives me so much trouble in one way or the other. After all that crap he put me through, I told him everything, and we were okay. We were friends, and I didn't want anything more than that. Then, in his usual Dustin-way, he royally screwed things up again. So I gave him the silent treatment for two weeks. Because I'm awful at holding grudges, I tried to talk to him again. You can guess how well that worked out. It's since been more than a month since we've spoken. I threw out the olive branch, but I don't think he's going to take it. Asshole. The whole thing is making me feel like it's all my fault, when it most assuredly is not. He let ME down, when I've been there for him all along. Yeah, well, screw him. If I see him, I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself from punching him. Jerk. Uhhh.. what else? Actually, that's about it. I just needed to get that stuff off my chest. So, thank you for reading, and I hope you have a lovely day.

Yeah, so I don't like Dustin anymore and he's dating one of my good friends.. I misspelled "communicate" in a previous entry, and I find that ironic. I also don't like Andrew as more than a friend, but I dunno. Hmm.. I don't really feel like writing anymore. I just felt like I needed to update and correct some things in the previous entry. I do believe I'm going to go play Left 4 Dead now. Have a lovely day.

Just 'cause I haven't written on here in awhile. I think I'll just list a few thoughts or events I've experienced lately. I'm feeling far to lazy to go into detail. :P ~I got pulled over on my way to church today. :S Oh, the irony of it all, right? ~Dustin is kind of a jerk. A jerk who pretends to be all interested and nice and sweet and fun to talk to and hugs me after Homecoming (freakin' salt in the wound!), but really he was just leading me on. :( ~Andrew, on the other hand, is a jerk who knows he's a jerk, but we get along so well, and we can talk together and we're -compatible-. :) I don't know if I like him or not.. ~Andrew and Dustin are best friends. I hope that isn't awkward. ~Most of my friends are either in a new relationship or having the same problem I was. What is it with men and women? Can we not comminicate at all? It's madness, I say! ~I need to be doing homework.. but I don't have school tomorrow! :D I'll (try to) do it then. ~Stardust is pretty much the best movie I've ever seen. If anyone actually reads this, let that be the one thing you remember. Stardust, Stardust, Stardust, Stardust. It makes me :D :)

Well, this is (obviously) my first entry. I was writing on my Windows Live Space, but I feel as if that is too public to be completely honest. Here, no one know who I am or where I live, etc, etc.. Here, I can use names and be as specific as I like without having to worry about screwing things up in my real life. I must say, I'm pretty excited about this. Yeah, I know- I'm a nerd. But that's okay, because nerdiness suits me. A few things about me first- I am an extreme person. No, I don't go cliff diving or motocrossing or whatever. Some aspects of my personality fluctuate from one extreme to another quite often. I will explain this more later, but for now, I need to do some of my homework and spend some time being sad about Dustin.