I don't know why I felt compelled to use that song lyric... but seeing as no one reads this, I can write whatever I want... so there. I'm at el dealershipo otra vez... por supuesto y por siempre... No lo ODIO, pero no me gusta mucho tampoco... Es muy aburrido... y cada dia el mismo... La extrano mis clases de espanol, no porque me gustan las clases, pero amo apprender la lengua... And that's about enough... Boring, fat, grumpy, old salespeople and pissed off managers are my life during the day... and unfortunately, during the night sometimes... like today... One to nine really isn't that hard of a work day, but I'm so bored here that it often goes by very slowly... I was hoping to be able to do my little survey taking job online here, but of course that is blocked by our shit internet policy... otherwise I would get fucking rich taking surveys because I have nothing but time on my hands when I am here. Instead, I say what I think of songs and I answer questions on yahoo... what a fun fun pasttime...

Watched my life pass me by -- in the rearview mirror Pictures frozen in time -- are becoming clearer I don't wanna waste another day -- stuck in the shadow of my mistakes The beginning of his new single kind of describes what is going on in my life... Like I have been just going through my life, watching it in the "rearview mirror"... The other day, I actually said to myself, "Liz, living life is like driving a car... you have to watch where you are going for the most part, but check the rearview mirror once in a while." I just wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, rinse and repeat. Every day. Little things make me feel like I need to do something different. Things like talking to Jennifer and Katy the other day after dance. Just being around people who are ambitious and driven, and who have a passion for something as much as I do... it's a good feeling. With Stephen, I feel like he can't do that much to help me because he is in such a rut himself. Taco Bell gave him his raise, but barely. He was making 8:50...now he is making like 10:35. Barely a raise for what he's been doing for that fucking store. They are assholes. He is never going to be happy while he's working there. In other news... Ash is getting neutered today. He should be getting it done by now if he's not already recovering... hopefully it will all go well. He's been a pretty lucky little baby up to now so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. They called to ask about his ear infection earlier... I hope nothing complicates the surgery. I had his food in there last night but I don't think he ate much of it, and I know he probably didn't drink a lot of water... They said at the SPCA that if they have something in their stomach they can throw it up during the surgery and sometimes it's fatal... I don't want that to happen after I've worked so hard to give him a fighting chance. His fur and skin are really unhealthy, too, so I have to give him a really good diet and try to get him back to happy healthy indoor kitty-ness. He deserves it... he's a little snuggle bunny and very sweet. Been taking his medicine well, and I'm very attached to him... so let's hope for the best.

Today started off under par again. I woke up at 5 this morning to find Stephen still playing his game (since last night at 10, he's ridiculous). I got him to come back to bed and then he wanted us to stay up until work because we would only get another hour or two of sleep. I wanted to sleep but I was going to try staying awake. We had the TV on and we were going to look at Boxers online, but he fell asleep! So I just went to sleep and woke up 2 hours later when my alarm went off at seven. Knowing that Stephen wanted me to wake him up so we could have breakfast, and also knowing that he wouldn't be able to wake up, I just set the alarm for 7:30 and dozed for another half hour until then. Showered, which felt lovely because, like usual, the house is only cold in the early morning, and hopped back into bed for my fifteen minute snuggle with Stephen before I had to get up, get dressed, and drive to work. Somehow I managed to get out of the house early enough to grab coffee AND fill up my gas tank without being more than a minute late for work at 9. Printed the reports, drank my coffee, bought some crackers so I could take my pills. Read an email from my mom and cried for a while in the bathroom, partly because I feel sorry for myself, and partly because I disappoint myself daily. For my lunch hour today, I went with my dad to get my oil changed at the Honda place and we got a chance to talk for a while about a bunch of stuff. He basically told me that I can't spend my entire life thinking about the choices I should have made because then all I'll be doing is regretting my life and being disappointed in myself forever. He said that instead, I need to just learn from my mistakes and move on from them, and work on making the best out of my present situations. It makes sense. Cher said the same thing. Do things that you think are right, and then when you are older, just say "Shit, I shouldn't have done that" and let it go. I suppose I could try that strategy for a while, but I live with so much self-afflicted guilt about things I should have done, things I meant to do and forgot about, choices I made and then regretted soon after, and on and on and on. I'm going to try to make smart decisions, and when I make the wrong decision, I'm going to try to move past it and get on with my life without letting the past depress me. I hate having to stop being a kid, but I chose it and I guess all I can do now is stick to it.