So today I woke up to hugs and kisses from Stephen at 6:20 AM. It was, in retrospect, a very nice way to be woken up. However, since it meant that I became conscious of the fact that I had to get out of bed forty minutes later, it made me very depressed. He went to play his game (he's very predictable) and I went right back to sleep. In the half hour I had left of my night time, I had a dream about Abby. I don't think she was actually our dog at that time, but our family had her on hold, and I sat and watched as someone else came and tried to buy her. I don't know why I had this dream, or why I would have let anyone take my dog away, but I remember only being very sad about it, and even though in the dream she wasn't totally our dog yet, I loved her the same way that I love her now. I woke up disoriented and heartbroken when my alarm went off at 7, and I suppose this helped to start my day off on the wrong foot. I gave myself one more half hour shot at being ready to wake up, but at 7:30 I dind't feel any more rested than I did at 7. With a lot of effort, I hoisted (what's a hoist?) myself up and out of the bed, and trudged toward the living room to say good morning to Stephen. It was freezing in the house this morning, probably not much more than 65 degrees. My shower felt heavenly because of the warmth of the water, and it relaxed me a little bit, but my main goal was to get in and out quickly enough that I would still have a little time to lay in bed with Stephen for a few minutes before having to get dressed. I felt very sad, and my face must have expressed that very clearly, because Stephen asked me if I had been crying. I told him I hadn't, but that I felt like I could cry all day. He gave me a hug and told me not to be sad, and he agreed to come snuggle with me in bed for a little while. Sometimes, when you are feeling upset, even for no reason, it feels really good to slip into your favorite sweatpants and get under the covers and into the arms of your baby. He was warm and soft and the combination of him plus my sweatpants plus our marshmallow bed made at least 15 minutes of my day fairly enjoyable. Of course, the alarm went off at 8:10 and I had to get up because I had already used all of my extra time. Clothes, make up, hair, shoes. I grabbed my phone and my work clothes for the Funny Bone tonight, kissed my boyfriend longingly one last time, and headed out the door. It looked like it would be a pretty hot day. Only 8:30 and already about 75 degrees. My car was pretty warm from the sunshine so I put the air conditioning on low and grabbed my sunglasses. They are red and black and I love them a lot, but I would really like my pink Steve Madden sunglasses back. I think Astrid has them right now. I passed through the drive through Dunkin Donuts to get a hot coffee, which I think caused me to be about 3 minutes late, but it wasn't a big deal, and at least I made it to work today. I was tired and in a pretty bad mood for the entire car ride, so I listened to my old B*Witched CD and tried to liven up a little. The coffee helped once it cooled off and I could drink it. Everything got started pretty quickly once I got into the showroom. As soon as I had printed off the reports and started dating them, the salesmen came in and started demanding their sheets. I work better when I am busy and not left with time to ponder my sad existence. I started trying to look at the good things that are going on. I actually have a job, and even though I don't like working, I'd rather be able to pay my bills than not. My hair is very soft today; I started using Brilliant Brunette by John Frieda and I think the extra few bucks per tube is worth it because I don't want to stop touching my head. My mom called and we arranged to meet at 12 for lunch with my dad at Panera Bread. Now I am looking forward to a delicious turkey panini and an Asian salad with some super crunchy chips. Starting very very soon, I need to be sticking to my diet so I can lose weight, otherwise no one will believe me when I say that the products work. I really want to lose some weight anyways and get back to my normal self. Actually my long term goal is to get down to BETTER than my normal self and be a 5 or a 7 like I was in my freshman year of high school. I just remember feeling so healthy and so energetic, and I really want that feeling again. As far as I know, Herbalife can do that for me if I stick to the plan, so even though it's a lot of money to throw into something right away, I do believe in it. If I work hard at it and follow directions, I think I might be able to make money off of it, too. The leaders of the program talk about the financial freedom you can have, and the fun and rewarding experiences you get with the company, and all of it sounds a lot better than what I am doing with my life right now. I've been writing for a pretty long time now. It felt good, like always when I get in certain moods, to candidly let all of my feelings out and not really worry about who is going to read it. Frankly, I don't think any of my friends know that this site exists, and even if they did, which of them would care? It's a site about talking about the meanings of songs. You can only like so many bands, and even then, only some bands have really cryptic lyrics. No one ever wonders what Britney Spears' songs are about, because they are either clear in meaning, or clear about not meaning anything at all. Lovely.

I really don't know why anyone would need a journal on songmeanings.net... what the hell am I going to write in here? But at least it is a place for me to write... This site was awesome when I first came here because I could look at what people thought of the dresden dolls and I could post my opinions to make them look stupid and make myself look like a genius. But now that I have commented on all of the songs of theirs that I know, I don't know what else to really do here. I went to look at some t.A.T.y songs and comment on those, but who really cares? Most of their songs have pretty obvious meanings. Either that or they have no apparent meaning at all. I don't even know of really any other bands I would be interested in looking up. I was going to look at panic! at the disco, but everyone who posted there is fourteen and probably has an emo haircut. blah. no thanks. Sucks that those are the people who are going to be attending the concert...