-hhmm...had a blast with sam, maria en shanzi today. we went out for lunch en walked aroung town for a bit. then we went to the games arcade, but maria en shanzi had to go...such party poopers. Me en Sam stayed on en we played about for a few hours. Its so fucking hard to get away from the girls at school. everywhere we turned, there was a challney girl about....for fuck's sake, we need to get out of town or summink. There was a bunch of guys @ the arcade en they kept staring at me en sam. she obviously loved the attention, but i got a bit sick of it. seemed kinda childish to me. If they wanted to talk to us, they should have just come up, but nooooo...they wanna play the cat and mouse game instead: where they chase after us, give the fake, cheesy smiles and we pretend not to be interested. Good God, get over it! -I've been crying quite a lot lately!(not the loud BOOHOO stuff) I don't know why, but its really odd cos i RARELY cry. maybe once every two years, but over the past few weeks i'll cry about anything. I was having a bath a week ago en i sat there thinking: "I'm nearly 2 decades old!!" that may seem like a small number to some people, but i dont really feel 16. I've always wanted people to treat me like an adult cos av always been mature for my age (most of the time), and finally everyone is, but I'm the one who can't seem to accept that I am becoming an adult. i think i started crying cos of that(retarded, i know). Ohh yeah, i also cried the other night, cos i think i might be forgetting my own mother. I've still got pictures of her and i remember her face, but its not the same. I was 11 and i still cry about it to this day. will i ever get over it? I've got the shittiest memory ever; sam is like my assistant cos she always reminds me about stuff, even my SATs. My memory makes me sad cos i cant remember my mother all that well, the times we had together. In fact, i don't remember her personality en that. I think i make up memories sometimes to compensate for the ones i've lost. I didn't get to know my mother as 'jane', cos she was just 'mummy' to me. I would have loved to know her well as i got older; aside from being the woman that gave me cuddles, gave me baths, took me to school...the whole shabang. why am i talking about my mother? i dn't really know, it's not like its gna change the past. fuck am pissin myself off now..better go! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ catch ya later xxxxxx

School's finally over!!! had my last exam yesterday.....lalalalala ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ catch ya later xxxxx

-surprisingly, the History & Maths exams were the easiest. I honestly thought that they would be the toughest... am glad though. So far, i've been doing okay so i'm happy. -My playlist has disappeared again. what a bummer! Am gonna try and get it back AGAIN... i fucking miss my songs. -OMD, making me look like a fucking plonker... -I was with the reporter who covered the Luton stabbing outside the L&D today. Apparently a police officer had been killed...sad! -I chatted to my sis today, en we were on cam making funneh faces and what not....good tyms! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ catch ya later xxxxx