motherfuckin carnival got cancelled cos of the damn weather! i spent like 70 quid on an outfit...*kissing my teeth*

I'm no longer in high school and the last day was really sad. practically everyone was in tears, even my form tutor. I never cried but i was close enough. I'm really gonna miss my high school days cos it'll never be the same again. Even though half the girls from school are going to the same college, everyone knows it just wont be the same. Girls will turn into fucking whores at the sight of any guy and thats how it always is. I know for a fact that i'm not gonna change for shit, I sure hope that my best friends also stay the same. I've had too many fun times with them and I would be too upset if any of them changed. I like them as they are. The Gala was better than expected. It was the best one that the school had ever had. I think my dress looked really pretty en i got loads of compliments cos no one has ever seen me in a dress! The DJ was as fit as hell and all the girls wre after him. Desperate thangs...that's what being in a girl's school for 5 years does to you. I've got 9 exams left and the next one is in a weeks time. fuck-a-duck. I'm shit scared cos i don't think I've done that well so far:'( I need to get a summer job cos am free all summer en i DO NOT wanna stay at home..hell no! Am gonna be starting college in September en am lookin forward to it, but i'm kinda nervous. I have to get used to a whole new environment. If "*******" is coming to the same college, am still not gonna go out with him. fuck that shit, am not really into the whole BF/GF thing at the moment. Its Bogus. guys will tell you that they love you just to get in ur pants, en like fools, us girls believe them. I dont think love exists anymore and I definitely am NOT gonna tell any guy that i love them cos the take advantage of that en hit you right wre its gonna hurt. Telling someone that you love them makes you vulnarable and your more likely to get hurt...it hurts like a bitch. I think its better that someone doesnt know that you love them cos they wont know how badly ur hurt wen it doesn't work out....cos it never does. Am alright with having a laugh with guys but no kissy-touchy. When it starts getting really personal, i back away. Just cos i have a laugh with them, some guys think that i wanna go out with them. I dunno why i turn down guys, even if i like 'em. ohhh god, I think i'm scared of falling in love again hahahaha... ohhh well, so what? No one ever died from not going out with guys. Depressing or what! Am off to the carnival in a few hours but the weather sucks....buhhh

My music listening didn't go too bad!!! Everything i was hoping for came up! Shurla predicted that a popular reggae song would come up, and it did... the exam was quite easy even though i just guessed half of the answers i wrote down :/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ catch ya later xxxxxx

I had two exams today.... totally fucked up Run out of time in the Religious Studies one, Could hardly make out what the tape was saying in my Spanish(Listening).... ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!! I'm FUCKED. If the rest of my exams carry on like this, I'll refuse to collect my results in August cos i'd rather not know. And if they post them to my house, I will burn the results...REALLY...I WILL!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Catch ya later xxxxxxx

Exams begin Tomorrow!!! Shit..................... Oh yeah, so much drama today. Everywhere i turn, there's people crying.WTF? Oh no, am gonna miss Andy, he didn't realise that i would be leaving in a week and i could tell that he was slightly upset by the news. He said he was gonna get me a huge gift..oohhh 0_0.... en he soooo has to take me for a ride on his bike!! OR ELSE. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ catch ya later xxxxxxx

I've managed to keep it together for 5 years... why the hell am I falling apart NOW? I just don't understand why I'm finding it really hard to cope with a lot of the stuff thats going on. I'm the sort of person who can take just about anything and move on, but lately something strange is happening. I can't believe that i cried on Sunday night. Totally out of character for me cos i hate showing my emotions. I normally wouldn't cry in front of someone or let them know that my feelings are hurt cos it makes me feel vulnerable... kinda like revealing my weak spot, so I keep myself to myself. I guess i started feeling like this when my uncle died on friday. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ catch ya later xxxxxx