I need to be careful with what I put in here. But I also need to get down a few things. I've been an angry, immature person for pretty much the entirety of my adult life. I've been dealing with some things from my past, and I've been increasingly suffering from a sort of psychosis that has crippled me. I've hated what I am for a long time now, but it's time to make peace with myself. It's difficult, but if I maintain my patience, I believe I can do it. I can't live like I have been anymore. Making peace is my only option if I want to survive. And, well, I do. And with that, I need to leave the entirety of my life so far behind. My habits, my career, my drinking, my isolation, my self-loathing, my laziness, my selfishness....they are all connected. With this new job I'm close to landing, I'm hoping that it is the beginning of a second chance. I have all the respect in the world for police officers, but it is obvious that I am not one. This job will be healthier for me, and I'll be able to use more of my skills. Atlanta will be healthier for me, too, giving me the oppurtunity to make new friends, possibly a boyfriend, too. It's obvious now that I am not the huge victim I've made myself out to be. It's not a coincidence that every guy I fall in love with is unavailable one way or another. I have taken for granted the people that support me. I suffered the lowest point in my life a couple weeks ago and broke down on the phone with my friend. He still loves me despite my psychosis. All these people I put down as job references have been texting and calling me with support. All the other friends I have are pretty much just a bonus to my family and godfamily. I love them, and I owe it to them to improve myself instead of drowning in my own created misery. I will overcome this psychosis. I will not dwell in misery. I need to move on or it will claim me in the end. I have too many who love me to let it do that. Now, do I wait to quit until I get the call back, or do I say 'fuck it' and leave already? Hmm.