So today i got a D on my trig test, not because i had no clue what i was doing, but cuz i didn't do the last question on the back of the page that was 5 points. 35 out of 40 would have been a little better.....not like she'd actually give me a change to do it, i wasn't there when she gave directions either oh well. I was so POed about it this morning cuz i can't afford to do bad on anything in that class as long as i'm not doing homework. But i guess i slept 3rd pd and i woke up after the movie and i was more socialable. Moises was like whats wrong you look so sad lol. But anyway so last night me and jonathan were talking and we got on the whole subject about us going out and stuff. And at first I was like how do you feel about me. And he went into this big thing about how much he loved me and i was all happy and stuff. So i was like well why don't you want to go out with me i don't understand that. He ended up saying that a long distance relationship would be hard because he couldn't have the physical part of it and stuff. But by the end of the night he said that on sunday he has to go to cheetoh's house, and as long as he can deal with that and keep his hands off of her, then he wants to go out with me. Otherwise he said he wouldn't because it would be his responsibility to be faithful to me and he wouldn't want to hurt me. I'm pretty much left with that for two days now. He said he'd try to call tonight because he's leaving and won't be back til sunday night, but i think he didn't have time cuz he had to get everything ready. That's ok tho cuz he's dedicated like every possible minute of his life to me lately. I'd be sick of me.....surprisingly he still likes me. Alberto was at school again today. I wonder what he's taking that i keep seeing him. Moises still says i'm a lesbian and i know he thinks it even tho he says it with sarcasm. And we were talking today in band, for whatever reason he was actually in a room with us, and he kept going back to me being a lesbian. Mayb he just does it to test my reaction i don't know. I'll ask him if he's online ever, he hasn't been for a bagillion years. He was grounded......no idea if he still is. He thinks i'm all messed up cuz i kept talking about cliche. How i don't want to be cliche. And i'd change myself so i'm not cliche. Which is true and i admit it. Thats not what i want to be.....like if everyone decided to go punk more than there are now, then i'd probably start wearing white. I'm not punk, i don't want to be punk, that's not the point, the point is i'd like to stay far away from the style stereotypes. I'd like to be who i am to make a statement. NOT This is who you are because this is what you look like you know. I can't say much today either, everything must sound so bland, most of the day was spent sulking over math grades, messed up friendships, and more petty teenage contraversy. I think i know what love is now. I think i finally get it. Love is when you go though everything bad in life and you hate every minute of your day but the minute you see that person it was all worth it. Every second of your day was worth it just to hear that one voice. That voice that means everything. Hey guess who just called!!!!!!!

yeah in all it's glory, i finally got a freakin snow day. But i was bored all day to cuz u can't go anywhere in a blizzard now can ya....actually we got pizza, with hippie. He looked like whats his name from breakfast club. Bender. Same coat same scarf same boots. Freaky. The 80's ahhhhhhh. No. Bad. Poison, motley crue, ahhhhhh 80's. lol. oh wait tommy lee is on my bulitin board. Didn't say he wasn't talented. Better than me. Isn't every one. Oh wait tisk tisk, i'm sorry i'm so talented i can site read music. what else would one want to do with their life. Sleep?? yeah. sorry i don't have a life in that case. My tongue hurts............i think i'm otta here. there's not much more to say when ur locked in ur house sleeping all day. cept mayb I love jmo. I could repeat that 1000 times. Yet he's not my bf, so i wish i didn't, cuz it's lame to live for what you can t have. He said i could, but then i guess he'd be my bf. And he isn't. so it's not meant to be that way. and i'm just here for some sick attention plea.

today alberto was at school....hahaha, and he didn't bring me food (tear, tear) But i bought popcorn and then it was all mungo buttery so we got another bag and mixed them and yeah. Sure mayb it was salty idk. I was confused by it all. But he always talks to me and scares me cuz he just shows up in my life randomly all the time. I found this really sweet site today at school......it's a smashing pumpkins one. I was looking up stuff on billyc orgon. Idk what it is, it's my favorites but it rocks. I was sleeping and jmo woke me up at like 7. And then i was all quiet and irritable, as i have been all day. And it was just really awkward. And he kept asking me to sing and i wouldn't and yeah. Last night he kept trying to make me talk because i said i wanted to hang up so i could cry. And he was just so irritating and if i hung up he would have called me back probly so i was there til midnight and today i was just dying. At lunch i was just sitting there with my head down like someone shoot me. most of the people i sit by bore me. Megan and amanda and ka left and those are the people who i could get a long with somewhat. And everyone else just finds me annoying and i know it, cuz i have a opinions and i tend to share them. And there just ignorant all the time and think nothing matters. I'm too damn serious tho. And i guess i got really frustrated with that today cuz i just wanted to get up and leave. And i would of hurt myself but then i guess it's something to think about. what do you want to be ya know. like that's pretty helpless. Mayb i am helpless i don't know. I do know. Tomorrow we should have a snow day....cross my fingers. It's been all overdone for the last 3 days so i doubt it after all the hype. Superstition. oh well. After today i'd much rather not be there cuz i'm going to snap on somebody, but i guess i'll get over it. I guess i'd rather have that person be jmo cuz nothing can happen then he'll just listen. Just wish he'd give me space with that. Last night he said the weirdest thing, that i'm weak i'm a really weak person and that he trys not to take advantage of me for that, even though he knows he could. Just weird to grasp that he said that to my face. Not like we all didn't know it was true, but kinda mean. I speak my mind too tho. I'd rather have honesty as long as i have the guts to take it. Isn't this all korny and philosophical. Hehe. No. Maybe. I think i'm failing soc. stu. Already. shame.....i know i must be...unless the test was most of my grade, cuz i haven't done assignments. And i got really mad about that too. Today i had to take my trig quiz that i missed, and i hate trig, but i think i got an A. I kinda depend on those A's or i'm gonna fail without doing assignments. But i mean if i don't need to do the homework to understand the class why should i. My band teacher today said that i was quote "so much wasted talent" that if i "tried i would be so good at everything" for the billionth time. Just cuz i can site read......how special. I think i'm overrated. I know i'm overrated. I'm way to arrogant .

well no one's here that i wanna talk to so, yeah.....here i am for 20 minutes complaining about things. Don't really have anything to complain about i have a headache and i wanna throw up but what's new. Today moises peirced ambers tongue and it was really funny cuz she was standing in the middle of the parking lot behind the grocery store. We were gonnna do it in the girls bathroom, but this lady came in and she left and told a cop. So this cop came in and we were all in a bathroom stall.....so i walked out of the stall and he was like is there a guy in here and i'm like no and then he said it all mean and i was like yeah. so moises walked out and got yelled at for like 5 minutes. I was in the guys bathroom before that and no one said anything to me. But he started looking at our stuff and he was like can i smell the mouth wash cuz he thought it was vodka or something lol. Like anyone would go to that mall to get messed up. So we went back to his place after we ditched amber and all and he dyed my hair. Which i said i didn't want to look to dramatic and now it looks like the same freakin color. A little darker maybe but bleh. It's "gingerbread" lol. Shame. I'm just a ginger bread kinda person. NOT oh well atleast i'm not getting yelled at. I wanted him to do it black but then there's the weird in between period of it growing out and my mom yelling at me. It smells nice tho. If anything. oooo i went to starbucks too

you can stalk me now jmo!!!!!!!!!! How lame......oh wait i'm lame too. I don't have anything to say, wish i did, but i'm just laying around doing nothing all day. And it's gonna be sweet lol. Not really. But i'm still dying of sleep deprivation from last week, and i was going to sleep last weekend but then i had to babysit and all this other crap. So monday was just so long cuz i was tired. And the rest of the week was never ending too. And on thursday i think it was me and moises went to McDonalds again and i got home and i was so tired. I still have to babysit tomorrow.........again......the stupid things i commit to but i need the money. Supposedly my 4 yrs missing uncle decided to give us his address now cuz he sent a postcard to my grandma for her birthday. Or letter or whatever. Not that it can matter all to much cuz he's obviously intentionally avoiding us....what's the dif to me tho. just a random thought. I was on the phone til 2am last night and jonathan was singing me to sleep lol. But it was his fault i was tired and i think he's way to empathetic about dumb things lately. I think i've always thought that tho. And he's been all lecturish about moises and blah blah blah. But i don't know what i can say cuz i don't know who will read this. Thanx to parental gaurdian. Kinda makes u wonder what they do and don't know. Like they say they know everything and blah blah i have a big ego yatta yatta, but honestly i think i'd be in a lot more trouble than i usually am if they knew me that well. I guess that's that............crazy llama.

woah, i actually found a place to have a blog typish thing...........lol. I couldn't get on anything.