Reaching To The Sky; Holding your head high I'd like to start off this journal with another snazzy lyrical association to my life: All you want is more, so much more Time before you have to leave this medium And watch today just fade away Tomorrow comes to take its place Everyday The real fucken truth, ain't it? Current Music -->>Sharks In Your Mouth; I Killed The Prom Queen So, Merry Fuckin Christmas, then? Pretty good year I would say. Got that new iPod Nano. 'Tis sweeeeeet. Dead tired though. And I've come to realize Christmas just doesn't mean that much anymore. I can't remember if it felt this way last year; I don't think it did but I dunno. Things just seem so... blah. Like, it's not even important, y'know? Wonder if this whole thing just comes along with me getting older. Not really sure. A lot of people agreed with me that it seriously doesn't even feel like Christmas anyways. Maybe it's not just me then? Whatever. It's like, 11:13, and I'm gonna go make pasta err something. Fucking hungry man. Prolly 'cause I barely ate anything today. I hatehatehate that. You're not hungry when it's time to eat, and then you're STARVING later. Its retarted. XD Hahahah. I'm watching "100 Greatest Songs Of The 90s" That show is way radd. I miss all that music that used to be played. 298347923874 times better than half the shit played on the radio today. Well, I'm off kiddies. Ta. Till The End;; Helena eat your fucking heart out

Distracted Dreams Inside My Head;; It’s all the same, it never ends So. School's done. For two weeks. I can't even express the joy I feel right now. No amount of typing would be able to cover it. :] And to make things better, ABS has all their stuff on their purevolume for download now! WOOT! I especially made sure I got 'Dance With The Stars' because that song is fucking amazing. It's my favorite by them. Current Music -->>Teenage Queen;; Aiden Listened to a band called Rasputina today. Well, only that one song; Our Lies. I actually think I like it. It sounds pretty good. But I don't wanna download it and then like, HATEHATEHATE it later. Y'know? Mehh. Xmas. Blech. I'm deff. not excited at all for anything I'd rather me just sleep. You can't stop me now You can't hold me down You can't keep me here I'm on my way I made it this far now And I'm not burning out No matter what you say I'm not afraid That lyric has had a very powerful meaning for me over the last week or so. I WANNA GET AWAY. Ugh, I can't tell you how badly I want to be out of this house and away from just, everyone. They're driving me up the wall! And when I leave, and set out to do what I want to do. And accomplish the things I want to accomplish. THEY CAN'T DO A DAMNED THING ABOUT IT. So hah. Go choke on a spork and die. :] Got presents from friends today. Underoath shirt, lotion, AIDEN'S NEW CD, and I still gotta exchange gifts with Katie. But we're not doing that till xmas eve. Blahhh. fuckingwhorebagcuntfacedsackofshitmotherfuckingbitch. rawr. bite me. Till the fucking end;; Helena. eat your fucking heart out, bitches.

I Will Not Follow You;; Into the perfect grave. So, my friend and I talked for a while yesterday in English. And we were talking about religion and stuff. I was explaining to her that I'm Roman Catholic, but honestly don't want or need to be. This is mainly because I don't go to church, practice this faith, or fully believe in a lot of the things that are stated in it. She was explaining to me how she lives by ENLIGHTENMENT. That she doesn't wanna spend her whole life working so hard to achieve going to heaven or whatever. That she's doing what makes her happy now, and that's all she cares about. These words really inspired me, in a way. That's how I wanna live. That's how I've always wanted to live. But it feels like there are so many things holding me back. My parents, some friends, my academics. And it all seems so overwhelming. In a way, it makes me feel like I'm insignificant, and that I can't live my own life and be who I want to be. It makes me compare it to someone shoving your face in the dirt. Such a rude wake up call, y'know? Try and get it. Try and get it and see what happens. You gotta big surprise coming for you, if it comes down to that. Wait and see. I'll drag you right back down here. Current Music -->> Pretend; Number One Gun I dunno. Honestly, I can't wait till I turn eighteen. Ima show them all how I can be and the way that I want to live my own fucking life. That's funny, isn't it? From the time you're an adolescent, you're always being told that you're getting older. That you're getting more responsibilities. But those responsibilities never really have anything to do with yourself, do they? You have responsibilites for and from other people, correct? So what are you doing to better your own life? In what way are you making decisions that make you happier? Exactly... You're not. Why do many of us have to wait 'till were free of that grasp to take control of our own lives? I don't get it. The people that care about you tell you they want you to make mistakes, and grow, and become usefull in society. But why do they make us wait forever until we are finally able to make our own decisions? Wouldn't they rather have us make them now? Have us fall, and make mistakes now so that they can maybe correct them and help us learn from them? Or would they rather just toss us out on a porch step, watch us stumble and trip on our way up. Our face diving into the concrete, never being able to resurface. All because we didn't know any better? Why doesn't the authority try and make sense of that? Till the fucking end;; Helena. eat your fucking heart out.