Fearful Fascinations A World Full Of Poison And Hate So, tonight was the Memory Dance. And I actually had a good time. They played nothing but hip-hop; first off. Which, I knew was going to happen. But whatever; can't win them all I guess. I'll start at the beginning; Got home, got in the showa, and went to get my hair done. It was gay; the lady was stupid; and it was whatever. I lived with it. Katie was in HOT ROLLERS when I got back. OMFG it was hilarious; I'm not even joking. I got a picture and was laughing my ass off. We went to KT's house; she got ready yadda yadda. Took pix. etc. Tom got dropped off with us... and we left. Got to the dance. People rented limos. It was gay. Seriously; what the fuck do a bunch of 14-15 year olds need with a fucking limo for their first 'formal' dance. Pffft. Save that shit for prom. We three got dropped off in a fucking TRUCK. How hardcore is that? We get out and go meet up with Katelyn in the sea of people outside the Recreation Center. We were talking about how people were gay and showing up in these so called 'limos'. And said how rediculous it was. In short: we talked, hugged about a million people, told each other how beautiful we all looked, etc. for about 20 minutes and then lined up at the doors. We went in; gave the hideous principal our ticket, and got 'checked in'. Then, we had to stand in front of this gay ass camera and state our name and then like, stick this stupid little star on a pillar. Retarted XD We walked into the actual dance and talked with some people. No one was really into dancing much. We got a table, and hung out with a few more friends. They were being crazy, and doing their own little dancing thing. KT and I just kinna hung back for the first half hour or so. Everyone just kind of 'mingled'. Hah. And then we all went sort of... Crazy. Music played, we danced inappropriately like everyone else; and we were having a GOOD TIME It was insane. I hate that music, and it was just chaos. Fun was like, to the maxx. It was great. So, basically, we danced for the next two hours; taking breaks at the somewhat slowish songs. Then we had to leave; it seemed like we had just gotten there. In fact, I was a little bummed. Audry, Brooke, and Danny were meeting us at Baldo's after the dance and whatever. Tom, Katie, and I left at 9:45 for dinerrrr. We got there and the place was fucking empty, so I was a little pissed we had to leave so damn early. But whatever. The food was good; we had pizza. The table was crazy; as always. Conversations were interesting; WHEN AREN'T THEY? So; it was amazing. We saw a few cool people at Baldo's too: Elyssa, Kyle, Erin, and Drake. So that was awesome. My dad took KT and Tom home; blah blah blah. Went to bed. xD So, that was all fun and dandy. [: Till The End;; Helena.

Dim Conceptions I'll Just Blur Your Face Out Of The Pictures I can not even begin to emphasize how kick ass today was... literally. It was just one of those extremely good days you can have, you know? First off, I knew there wasn't gonna be much homework because half of the kids were gone for the Holocaust Museum field trip. I'll just give you a recap of my whole day. 6:15am: Alarm goes off, I get ready, and leave. 6:45am: I get to grandma's house, fix my hair and makeup, and leave. 7:20am: I get to school, go to my locker, and talk with friends. (Which was extremely entertaining.) 7:28am: First hour. Theres a sub. Were working with partners. Talk to Arielle for whole hour. Get to copy her work. No homework. 8:35am: Second hour. No sub, but Mr. Belles actually didn't get on my nerves today. Talked with Julia and drew pictures with her the whole hour. Taped one to Mr. Belles' desk. Got to leave early to take Julia on the elevator. 9:35am: Third hour. Another sub. Worked on my assignment. Quite easy. Texted Katie back and forth. Thats about it. 10:30am: Lunch. Tom wasn't here )= Sat with Ash, Brooke, and this other girl. Interesting lunch period, but thats an every day standard. 11:05am: Fourth hour. Wasn't as bad as I thought;; really. Honer gave us a whole class period to work on shit. Wrote a note to Alicia instead. Talked with Ash. 12:10pm: Fifth hour. Audry isn't here. Uh-oh. Had a sub. Waiting for Chris to come in and bug the fuck outta me ))=. HE NEVER DID. Went in the computer lab and fell asleep. It was like, the best English class ever. 1:15pm: So, I was totally just waiting for Chris to walk in. And guess what, he never did. It was literally the best shop day I've had in years months. Lauren and I began to paint our chair. And it was just a really great day. All in all, the school day was practically amazing. Its days like those where going to school can actually be somewhat enjoyable. I can't believe I just used the words school and enjoyable in the same sentence... I walked home and it was raining. I loved it. It was like the perfect day. And I love how the rain just sort of refreshes everything. You can look outside and everything is just green and thriving with life. Its intoxicating. I was so close to just opening my arms and looking up at the sky. People probably would have thought I was an escapee from some asylum... but still. Current Music -->>Bloodletting; Concrete Blonde Tomorrow is that dance... woo hoo. -___- I can't say I'm excited for it, but I can't say I'm not. I'm basically looking forward to it as something new to do. Blah. Mannn, I wanna go on my rpg site, but the kid who needs to reply isn't on )= SONUFABITCH. =D Oh em gee. I completely forgot;; Arielle and I were going upstairs to our lockers right after first hour today, and I spied a Taking Back Sunday pin just lying on the ground. We were really having this intense conversation and I just stop dead and go "OH MY GOD. ITS A TAKING BACK SUNDAY PIN THAT SOMEBODY DROPPED. OHEMGEE I WANT IT." So I pick it up and continue on with our previous conversation. She just gives me this weird ass look. "Your a freak." Hahaha "I KNOW!" It was incredibly and most definately great. And another thing to add to the list of things that sum up my awesome as hell day. That's about it though. It was just one of those really good days I was having. Woo. Hopefully tomorrow'll be the same way. One can only hope. Bonus Mosh Pt. II So, scream I heard about your message and how it reads of your indifference, It bleeds horizontal straight from your wrists (So scream louder now) I'm bound to come around about (Bound to come around) Can’t you, can’t you feel it Rolling off your lips Tensing up your shoulders, c’mon It’s love (It’s love) Make it hurt (I deserve it) Well, It’s love (It’s love) Make it hurt (I deserve it) Well, it’s love, it’s love, it’s love Make it hurt Till The End;; Helena

Turning Tragedy Love Is The Monster So, a lot has been majorly going on so far. I'm on this RPG and having like, the time of my life. It's awesome as hell. Katie just wants to crush all the bones in my body. That's the only bad thing about it. Lmao. She's insane. She keeps trying to kill me all through the school day. Anywho. I had a pretty fantastic school day, for the most part. Arielle and I got to talk in 1st hour. (AND OMG, SHE PLAYED UNDEROATH THIS MORNING ON THE ANNOUNCEMENTS!!!) Audry and I talked all 2nd hour. 3rd hour, computers, easy assignment. And Honer barely yelled at us in science. English was great for once. That kid didn't sit by me today, and Audry and I talked all hour again. And then shop rolls around. And it was basically the downfall of my day. I'll do a reply back to yesterday. That kid was seriously pissing me the fuck off. And I'm getting fucking tired of it. So I told Mr. Humble I didn't want him getting any credit for me and Lauren's chair. And yay. He said he wasn't giving credit to him to begin with. THANK THE LORD & THE LADY! Well, today... I was already in a pissy mood. Well, not really. Its just, I got into a pissy mood because I knew I was going to shop. ...And I knew it was gonna be a living hell. Sure enough, it was. The kid was bugging the fuck outta me as usual. And I was a complete bitch, if I do say so mehself. I was just all pissed at him and kept telling him to just leave me the fuck alone. I don't think he go the message quite clearly though. So it was a basic nightmare. Literally, I was this close to shoving him into the saw. No fucking joke. He goes through my purse. Puts nails in my purse. Puts nails in my hoodie. Fucks up our chair again. And I'm just sick of it. So I went to talk to Mr. Humble again at the end of class. "Mr. Humble, can I talk to you for a minute?" -turns around- "Sure." "I was wondering if it'd be possible to be transferred into another one of your hours..." "Yes, it'd be possible. Probably. Second hour is good." -CUE KATIE'S ENTRANCE- Me: "Alright, that might work out then." Katie: "Wait, did I miss something here? What are we talking about?" Me: "I might be getting moved into your hour." -HIGH-FIVES- Mr. Humble: "Well, lets go down to the counciling office and see what we can do. I can't make any promises, but we'll try to get you switched out." So, we went down the counciling office, Katie left, and I talked with my councilor about it. Blah blah blah. The principals an bitch, blah blah blah. He'll see what he can do about it. We'll see what happens then. :P Hopefully I'm not gonna be fucken harassed anymore. Its disgusting. And it kills me. Because you know, my life is just... really complicated sometimes. I'm not this person that gets harassed. Its gross. Three years ago, I would have never even thought about it. Mehh. Its funny how things change over time. Yet somewhat sad. With that, I leave you. My Heroine The drugs begin to peak A smile of joy arrives in me But sedation changes to panic and nausea And breath starts to shorten And heartbeats pass softer You won't try to save me You just want to break me, and leave me desperate Till The End;; Helena

Fire And Powder Which, As They Kiss, Consume HOLY HELL. This week has been somewhat amazing. Well, I should just say that tuesday has been amazing. Its exciting to even think about it. [: So, about a week ago I got an email from The Used street team saying that Jepha and Quinn were gonna be at Great Lakes Crossing Mall. Mann.. were they ever!!! At first, I couldn't get anybody to take me... so I was a little bummed out. Katie had drivers training... and I knew Arielle would say she wanted to go be she's so goddam unreliable. I finally got my other friend Lauren to take me and Ashley. Jesus, I was hella glad I did. We got there at like, 6. And stood in line for over an hour. I stole a poster hanging on one of the pillars. XD I saw Nisrin there... goddam, that girl gets fucking everything. There has to be a peculiar reason behind it all, I just know there is... Anywho. We finally got up to the line, and started to freak out. BECAUSE WE SAW QUINN AND JEPHA! We were all "OMG OMG OMG. ITS THEM!!!" So, we got autographs and pictures and shitt. It was actually pretty awesome. They both hugged me really close and tight. I LOVED IT. Hah. I got my HUGE ass poster signed, my shirt, and then a piece of paper for Julia, because she couldn't go. It was all lovely. I had a great time. I got free stickers too. Woot. All in all, it was just... lets just say there is no emotion to accurately identify what I felt. So, that would be about it. [: Papa's Got A Brand New Liver We walk downhill from here, and watch where all the money goes We keep doing it wrong. We sit and wait for nobody knows With the sun in the sky, we turn a cheek on the obvious We’ve got to eat to live And stay this way for us Tied and caught up in my bed again Cause it’s too hard to see when it gets dark outside Till The End; Helena

Reaching Oblivion Would You Save Me From Myself? Hooray for fridays! And literally, it was one of our best fridays ever. Haha. We hung out with our friends... a lot. It was awesome as hell. (: Letsee. Katie didn't end up getting here till 3:30, because she was being a little twit and decided to skip school again today. Then, we called Tyler and wanted to see if he wanted to hang out. Tom was over his house, so we were all gonna walk to Mikky D's. Well, I had to go let my dog out first, so we all walked to my house. Hahaha, then it just basically got crazy from there. All of us were just hanging at my house... being stupid as hell. And then Tom just like, ambushes me. Lmfao It was hilarious. Katie and Tyler were taking pictures and taping it and shit. It was like a war. Then they had to go and turn it all perverted, because Tom was basically on top of me. They're all "Ew, you guys look disgusting" Thinking to myself... "Uhm, okay then... since he just kind of ATTACKED me... ya... right." I don't even remember what the hell else we did. There was a point where I was waving my MOSES STAFF around like a madwoman. And then another point where Katie and I jumped out my window. Hah. So, then, we were halfway down my street, gonna walk up to McDonalds. And then we decide to stop off at the park. Tom nearly kills me again. Pushes me over as I'm running and I did basically three summersaults in a row. It was funny as hell though. I had grass and shit all over my back. Then we went to the party store, McDonalds, and then to my Nonna's. After that there's really not anything else worth mentioning. Besides me reading my book. Chapter 11... exciting. OH YEAH! I completely forgot to write in here this week, so theres supposed to be at least two more entries in here. But apparently there isn't. xD Well, wednesday I didn't go to school. Instead, I went to the book exchange place. Bought two new books: -Audry Rose -Mark of the Serpent I was pissed that I couldn't fucking find The Catcher In The Rye. I looked through a WHOLE goddam 20 foot row of books stacked ten feet high and couldn't find it. So, we made it over to Borders and bought it there. And its actually a quite good book. It's a bit difficult to read, however. Holden will go into talking about one thing, and then all of a sudden, it'll remind him of something that happened in his past, and he'll start talking about. Then you basically forgot what he was talking about in the first place. Its funny. Because you obviously know the book was written thataway. So, I think that was about it. Nothing too special. Current Music-->>Shark Attack;; Senses Fail I just joined this RPG board two days ago. A Harry Potter one. I don't even like Harry Potter that much. I mean, I've read most of the books. But I'm not exactly a SUPERHUGEOMGSQUEE fan. Heh. You really don't have to be into Harry Potter to join it though. Its kind of confusing to me. Because theres a lot of shit that goes on in it and whatnot. I've never joined one of those things before, so yeah. Brr. Its always so goddam freezing in here. ): Hahaha, Degrassi is on. I really do like that show. Theres sometimes just a little too much drama, if you know what I mean. Ugh, only 30 something more days till school ends. I can't wait to get outta that hell hole. Be away from all the fucking pyschopathic teachers this year. Most of them didn't know how to teach. So that was extremely helpful to my gpa. Well... 5am. Joy. I'm not even really that tired. I will be tomorrow though... I can fucking see it now. So, this is where I leave you. Hand in glove we can go wherever we please and everything depends upon how near you stand to me And if the people stare then, the people stare oh I really don't know and I really don't care Till The End; Helena