Crushed Promises Dance Between The Scissor Blades Well. Today I did absolutely nothing. I got up at one. And basically sat in my pajamas all day. I feel horrendously gross. Hah. Man, I really wanna go buy some new shit. But on the otherhand, I want to save up my money. I don't know. How stupid. I'm compairing the most lamest things ever. Blah. I feel like shit too. I complain a lot I can't help it. Theres too much to complain about. For once, I just wish something awesome would happen in my life. Its so boring. Day after day after day. OH MY GOD. The Breakfast Club is on. How awesome is that? "Son?" "Yeah, dad?" "How was your day, pal?!" "GREAT dad, how's yours?" "SUPER! Say, how'd you like to go fishing this weekend!?" "GGGGGRRREEAT DAD! But I've got homework to do." "That's alright son, you can do it on the boat!" "Geeee" Hahahahaha. Dear god, I've seen this over 2974937 times. I could recite the whole damn script by heart. Arielle and I even sing the song Bender screams down the hallway. "I WANNA BE AN AIRBORNE RANGER. I WANNA LEAD A LIFE OF DANGER." Impossible sir, its in Johnson's underwear. John Hughes' movies in the 80s were just absolutely amazing. Current Music -->> Hand In Glove;; The Smiths The Breakfast Club Pretty In Pink Sixteen Candles Some Kind Of Wonderful St. Elmo's Fire And jeeze, there's so many more. The 80s were a wonderful decade. I wish I could have lived through it. [: Hahaha. Yaaawwwnnn.. Well, I should probably get going. 2am, and I have to wake up at like, 8 something. Joyy. I really rather not 'see my mother off to the airport'. Fucking bitch. Mehh. Night all. x3 Here I Am But I dreamed and that dream came true And I dreamed that that dream came true So Here I Am singing my hopes and dreams of yesterday Today I am here my childhood dream come true This could be you Seems likes yesterday i was hanging out and strumming my guitar while sinign these words without a chance in the world as i grab the mic and look and then steer into the crowd And my energy builds inside Till The End;; Helena.

Painted Stars Baby, You Light Up My Sky I know that I have been complaining a lot on here lately. Thats really only because I need to get everything out. It makes me feel better. So, in this journal, I've decided to do a recap of my day after school. Because it has been awesome as hell. First off, we walked home from my grandmas. I had my MOSES STAFF with me. I was fucking walking down the sidewalk all NEANDERTHALL-LIKE Screaming "SAVAGES SAVAGES, BARELY EVEN HUMAN" Lmfao. It was the best thing since sliced bread. So, we got to my house and were gonna drop our shit off and go over Tyler's house. So, I call him and it turns out he's sick )= I felt bad. I wanted to go hang out with him today. Lol. I really kind of hate to admit it to myself. But I think I may have the tiniest crush on him. I really don't know though. Its hard to tell whats all in my head and what I actually feel anymore. I don't know how to separate it. So, I don't know. I just don't. I do know... that I fell all... fluttery around him. And I mean, I've known the kid forever. He was the only boy at like, my 6th birthday party. Hahaha. Moving on. We were bored as hell. And we fought for a bit while I check all my online shit. She kept slamming my head into the cabinet thing... I got all pissed off, and we kind of didn't talk to each other for a while. There was really nothing to do. We went in my room, and jumped out the window. And then we spent like, 20 minutes trying to figure out how to get back up there for when we sneak out. Well, we got a cinder block... yadda yadda. Then we realize the little latch thing closed on the window. The doors are all locked. and theres a space about, hmm, half a foot wide? Yeah.. so I had to squeeze my body through there and open the window again. And it hurt like HELL. But it was funny. It definately made for some good laughs. I really wish we could have gotten a video of it. So, then we walked up to the party store and got energy drinks. Came back and hung out. Made a new mixture of drink. And then got online and talked to Taylor. It was awesome as hell. We had the webcam on and could actually talk to them. They could hear us. Hahahaha. It was fantastic. Had two more glasses. And then chilled out. Ordered our pizza. Had an extremely hot delivery guy come to my house too. Hahaha. Then we just basically chilled out. Took a walk. With the MOSES STAFF of course. We were talking about the guy on Wife Swap tonight. He was all BAAAAAALLLLINNN. It was hilarious. Me and Katie were screaming that. Just to be funny. I love the way she says it. XDD But uh, then her mom came and yeah. She left. So, it was pretty amazing day. I had a lot of fun. Toodles, kids. :3 Danger Lurking One more chance and I swear I'll get it call out your vultures.. Sharpening knives in the deepest shadows run it by the council we're stopping by to drop you in and if you can't hold on get it get it... get it... we took the stage and we stole your show and if it's all you've got I'll get it get it... get it... come out the shadows.. let's bring this to the light I'm almost certain.. that this is gonna end tonight Till The End, Helena

Intoxicated Romance Your Love Is Like Poison So, today basically SUCKED ASS. It was 2934792374 times worse than I thought it was going to be. First off, I had a stomach ache for the whole fucking day. First hour wasn't that bad, no homework. Belles' class is basically torture anyways, so it wasn't surprising that it sucked today. Computers was okay... I really didn't do anything... didn't feel like it. I feel bad for my partner; were supposed to be working on our presentations and I just sorta sat there all hour. Oh well... she'll just have to get over it. And then it was lunch. And lunch should be my sanctuary, no? I saw Lauren already sitting at the table. I was all happy, "OMG LAUREN, YOUR HERE!" Good. I need her to keep me company in shop class... Right? Wrong. Wednesday night Katie, Taylor, Alicia, and I were all on msn. Katie was talking about how she was gonna invite that kid to our lunch table friday. I didn't believe her for a second. XD But I guess I should have... Ugh. It was horrible. She got Brooke all involved in it and she thinks I like him. Which I DON'T. So, she went to go ask him and I'm sitting there freaking out. Just talking inside my head. "...This isn't happening. not to me this isn't real..." But it was. And it sucked ass. Badly. He didn't come sit at our table, thank god. That would have totally ruined my lunch (not like it wasn't ruined anyways). But yeah. So, then, 5th hour rolls around, and he's already in the classroom. As soon as I sit down he bombards me with questions. -stands up and walks over to my desk- "Uhm, whats up with lunch?" -doesn't look up and says with sharp edge in voice- "My friends are gay." "So, was Brooke just fucking around?" -still doesn't look up; uses sharper tone- "YES." And then he sat back down, and pretended like nothing happened. I tried to basically ignore him for the rest of the hour, figured out that it wasn't going very well, and also pretended like nothing even happened. And then came 6th hour. How fucken joyfull. Current Music -->>Victim;; Eighteen Visions Were all sitting inside the room, and he just goes "Did you get my message on myspace?" -acts a bit confused- "No..." "Oh, I sent it like, two days ago... it says 'read'" -quickly thinks of a good excuse- "Well, Katie knows my password and shit... so I dunno." -acts embarrassed- "Oh, shit. Uhm... oh... yeah... that would make sense with the lunch thing and all" -merely nods head once then changes subject- After that, he acted as if nothing happened... Mehhhh. Whatever. I dunno how this is all going to stop. Maybe I can avoid it 'till the end of the year. Only 30-something days, afterall. Hahaha. Yeah, I doubt that'll fly. I need to do something about this though. I can't keep running away from my problems. I need to confront this. And its going to happen. One way or another. Boats And Birds If you be my star I'll be your sky you can hide underneath me and come out at night when I turn jet black and you show off your light I live to let you shine I live to let you shine but you can skyrocket away from me and never come back if you find another galaxy far from here with more room to fly just leave me your stardust to remember you by Till The End;; Helena

Deafening Silence Watch Me Fade Without A Sound So, this week has been an interesting one. This weekend I went shopping with Katie for memory dresses. I found one I like... and it's black of course. I honestly don't even know why I'm going. My friend Audry made a good point on that today. Theres gonna be a bunch of people I don't like there. Playing a bunch of music I don't like. Which is going to get me in a pissy mood. Three cheers for life. x_X I've been awaiting to scream this on here: I FOUND THE PENCEY PREP CD! Yeah. Its extremely exciting. Considering I've been looking for it for over a year and a half. They had it for $11.99 at the T-shirt place. I was nearly crying. The guy was looking at me like I was on crack or something. Hahaha. I LOVE IT. The cd is so amazing. My favorite song is between Lloyd Dobbler and 19. Ewwwuh... MY FOOT IS ASLEEP. I hate feet. There ugly. And gross. And EWUH. xD Hahahaha. We had a tornado drill today, while I was in shop class. We had to go under the little station things. So, there were a couple of kids fooling around, and Mr. Humble goes: "IF YOU DON'T STOP I'M GONG TO COME DOWN THERE TOO!" Hahaha, he sounded like a freaking rapist. Me and my friend looked at each other and started laughing. I was like 'Did he just say what I think he did?' Woot, I don't have to go to school tomorrow! I get to go work at Kohl's with my Nonna. Hah. I have my own nametag and everything. (: Katie and I are so excited for friday. BOMBING THE ISLAND! Hahaha. She sends me this picture of a bomb, an island, and the Flogging Molly logo. Current Music -->> Florida Plates;; Pencey Prep Alicia made us a banner for the site. I LOVE IT. It's really awesome. I wish I had photoshop. There are so many things that I want to create. I see all these people make these KICK ASS graphics. I wish I could too. )= Mehh... I think that's about it for now. There's really not a whole lot more to share. 'Sides the fact that I have piano in an hour and didn't practice The Entertainer all week like I was supposed to. Hey man, gotta give me a break. Not my goddamn fault all my gayer-than-spinx teachers give me a shit load of homework. *raspberry*. You know, I ALWAYS have a headache when I come home from school. And it lasts for like, four or five hours and it sucks. I don't know why I get them either. All the stress, probably. =/ Well, I'm off to go eat a bowl of Cheerios™ YAY FOR ME! No, wait, stop. MAJOR NEWS. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG That stupid ass kid messaged meeee. *cries*. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!?!? AAAGGGHH. No, kid, I don't wanna give you a chance. I don't want to go out with you. I find it funny in a way. Because he's begging me. HAHAHA. What a lame ass. Cause yeah, me and my 'black hole of a heart' don't feel sympathy for others, remember? So why would that change now? The only bad part is that tomorrow is going to be superly awkward. No, wait, scratch that... I'm not going to be there tomorrow. But friday will DEFINATELY not be one of the best. I can only hope Lauren's gonna show up. That little bitch. Fucking doesn't come to school and leaves me all alone with that kid. -shudders- I feel all violated. Blechhh. Ugghh. One phrase: WHY ME? I know it sounds like I'm whining and I need to stop being a pansy (which I am definately NOT!) blah blah blah. But come on. Give me a break here. My grades are horrid, I have this stalker kid after me, my mother's some kind of like, man-whore, WHATS A GAL TO DO? This really doesn't make me feel any better about MY LIFE. Not that I have self-esteem issues. I think I'm just going to stop talking in circles for now. I don't know how to handle this problem. Meh. WOE IS ME. And with that, I leave you. MAY YOUR LIVES BE FAR LESS COMPLICATED THAN MINE. (: Don't Want It All To hope is admittance Feed before beginning Double-sided cynics Reflected images Don't be so selfish Leaving me this Follow it far To find where you are You haven't grown Go on alone Till The End;; Helena

Fading Regrets Thy Love Pricks Like Thorn We just finished watching Romeo and Juliet in English today. I nearly burst into tears. I was literally this close to crying. I love tragic things like that. Perfect tale of star-crossed lovers. It reminds me of MCR's Demolition Lovers It's such a beautiful story. And I love the old English they use in it. It makes everything around it so much more perfect. Current Music -->>It's Not Over;; Secondhand Serenade Not really my style of music, but I really like the song. It's really pretty. (: In other news: I WANNA GO HURL MYSELF OFF A BUILDING. This kid asked me out... and he fucking sickens me. First off, I don't date people who get in trouble with the law. Wait, I should rephrase that. I don't date people who get in trouble with the law TOO MUCH. I mean, come on, I've done some things that I'm not especially proud of.. but I mean, my god... Give it a fucking rest already. You don't need to have the cops looking for you every other day. Secondly, I don't date people who do drugs. That's DEFINATELY not my lifestyle. I couldn't live with myself if I stooped that low. I'm better than that. Third, I'm not pysically attracted to the kid at all. I'm not meaning to sound shallow. Because as much as people hate to admit it, looks do somewhat count. Its like this. If I think a guy is handsome, then thats WHAT I THINK. If he asks me out, and other people think he's ugly... then I wouldn't give two shits. But if the person isn't attractive to me, then I wouldn't date him. Jeeze. I feel like I'm giving life lessons here. Moving on... Today was a 'day of silence' thing. Standing up for gay/lesbian/bi-sexual rights. You weren't supposed to talk for the whole day or something. I was almost going to do it. But I didn't know how to get a pass to excuse me from talking in classes. So yeah. I kind of feel bad about that. I'm straight... but I DO care about these kinds of issues. So yeah. I might do it next year then. I know a lot of my friends did it. I feel proud to know them. (: MAJOR HEADLINE: I FOUND MY IPOD! After my mom hides it in one of her drawers. And oh, I found out today. She's been taking money out of my little money holder. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. So now I'm taking the WHOLE case over to my grandmas. Where she can't fucking touch it. Yeah, I come home and HALF of my money is just... gone. Fucking cocksucking bitch. She just sickens me. I feel lower than low to have her as a mother. Honestly, I do. And I've never felt this way before. It's like, all this time, she's just kept pushing me and pushing me and pushing me. And now;; IM ABOUT TO FALL OFF THE EDGE. I can't take it any more. I can't sit and watch her chat with 29347937 men over the internet. I can't sit knowing what her 'dates' consist of. I can't sit knowing that my little sister is alone in the same house as her. I CANT SIT KNOWING THAT SHE USES HER WEBCAM FOR ADULT PURPOSES. It may sound immature. It may sound crazy. It may sound funny to some. But it's not to me. I'm fourteen. My grades are horrendous. I have some creep kid wanting to go out with me. And I have enough stress as it is. I shouldn't have to be the mother. I swear, I'm this close to calling my sister's father, and just telling him about everything. He can go sue for custody of her. And I hope he gets her. I'm THAT driven. I'd rather see her with someone I hate, and who doesn't care about her health in ANY way... than with some fucking sex-addict. -SIGHS- I think I'm done ranting for now. I really needed to get that out. I-I... I just don't know what to do. And I think I like someone. Which ought to make this 2934793 times more fun for me. Another thing to carry on my shoulders. Heaven help me. On an extremely GOOD note; I came up with a new story to write today. And I'm VERY excited about it. I have a good title. A good description. A good plot. YAY ME. For once, something good comes along. And with that, I leave you. Lady Madeline In Her Coffin There was a time when stillness meant nothing to me. Once, silence meant lack of sound; Fall came once a year. I danced, redcheeked, each year's first snow, tongue out to taste each flake's welcome sting. I laughed, distinct from nature's cycles, A scrap of wonder, floating in a torrent of sorrow I couldn't grasp. That laugh, mouth open, sums up my past. I craved fulfillment, too shallow to know I could never be fully filled again. Till The End;; Helena

Cyanide & Handguns Face First In A Tale Of Awkward Love So, today was pretty awesome. I'm supposed to be grounded and all, but I really don't think that's all gonna fall through. Like it usually never does. xD Katie and I hung out today, instead of tomorrow... considering the whole, not having school tomorrow thing. We've been hanging out for like, 12 hours straight. Hahahaha. We came home, relaxed for a bit, and then went to Meijers. So, we went down the cd isle first, like normal people. Then I had to go look for toys for my sister's birthday. Well... we found the hula-hoops. So, you can pretty much take it from there. We pulled out one of those small trampolines and jumped on that... and yeah. 'twas a great time. We got home, and had our quota... hung out on the computer for a little bit. We went over my Nonna's around ten to four. Played N64 again. That thing's the shittt. I love it. XD Current Music -->>Justify; The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus Went on the computer again, learning Italian with my little disk or whatever. lol. Plus having a bunch of kick ass music playing the whole time. Ate HOMEMADE PIZZA! And chamolettas. So, it was a pretty fun-filled day. Another one of our better fridays. Err, well... today was technically a thursday.. but yeah. That's about it. Shame I've buried deeper lies inside of you I've seen your sins and they're beautiful and pitiful I crumble everytime the watch hits nine, I pray it won't hit nine And I know it's a shame How you'd die for this game And I know it's a shame I still tell me the same It was all a losing game Till The End;; Helena.

Liquid Courage Your Tears Taste Of Sweet Revenge So, the Taste of Chaos concert was last night. Hoo boy, it was amazing. I'll finish this entry later with all the details. [: