So maybe I'll just have to start writing in here... I have so much to spill and I feel like I can only tell certain people certain things. My mind is always whirring, it never slows down, and I think I need to get stuff out. For example, right now, I can't stop thinking about how mad Alex's actions are making me right now. He swore when I took him back that I came first, that he'd truly listen to me, and help me through all of this. Well that was all good and golden for awhile, but now, now I don't know. He had his first meeting for E-board last Thursday at 8. My band concert started then. I told him my band went on at quarter til or at 9. Afterwards, I found him in the lobby with my grandparents, and I asked him what he heard, cause you know, I've been gushing about these songs to him for the past 8 weeks, and wanted his opinion. His response? "I only heard the last couple minutes of the last song." That hurt. Alot. He said the meeting just kept going, but really, couldn't he have just said something like, "Excuse me guys, I need to leave a little early to catch Holly's concert." But, no. He put his fraternity's meeting over me. I stopped going on about it after I got to my grandparents house away from him for the weekend, but it STILL just hurts. I'm glad he joined, believe me. But when it starts coming before ME, I'm speechless. We've been together 2 and a half years... I have a promise ring... it seems like I should come first... maybe I'm being selfish. I have a right to be, I think, especially cause he is all I have here at college. I mean that. Well, back to today, we ate lunch before some more classes, and he said he might be going to the house after his last class for a "courting" thing between the sororities and fraternities. Before I left, I asked if he was going or not. He said probably not. I came back from band, and waited, and waited, and realized the dining hall was about to close, so I called him. He was at the house. So I had to go eat alone. Something I absolutely hate. HATE. 1) He doesn't have to go to EVERYTHING for his fraternity. 2) He certainly doesn't need to go to a "courting" thing. He has me. 3) He could have just let me know! Then I wouldn't be as angry as I am. Last night he claimed he was studying for calc for 5+ hours, and when I went to say goodnight, he confessed he had been playing WoW. He could just tell me those things. If I had known that, I would have asked him to come down and be with me, because he apparently didn't do so in the first place because I DIDN'T ask. Rawr. Okay, this is too long, and I'm too annoyed to keep listing the examples. We shall see if this venting helps at all...