I feel trapped sometimes. I was raised too tight... and now, i can't do things wrong: it's either me telling "stop!" or it's someone else saying "you should be ashamed" I wish i could relax a little, but i need to push myself harder, all the time, anyway... even if i have to hurt myself, torture myself... i just don't want to be left behind.. I'm afraid...if i'm stupid, useless, worthless and the picture of mediocrity this way... what would i be if i stop pushing? bleed, and cry, and hit, and yell and break, and bruise, and insult... myself... so i can understand i have to work hard to be somehow worth it. Feel the fear?

the reason why i like NIN... is that Mr. Reznor's also in his victim comfort zone... he's always the one hurt, the one bruised the one betrayed... cause he's THE FRAGILE "Without you is not as much fun to pick up the pieces..." He's always got a phrase to describe what's in my mind... what color's life, the smell and the amount of energy... i guess it's kinda shameful for me to be the victim all the time... i don't know if you're religious, yesterday at the mass i heard: "...que no esperen ser comprendidos sino comprender, que no esperen ser amados sino amar" It's true. I'm fragile but i'm not THE FRAGILE... i'm such a fuckin' shit, i'm so ashamed of myself...it's true... i'm shit... and so...here i go again

Today the day's all white, clouds seem unreachable, and dark colors are more intense how do you beat sadness when you know some dreams are never starting? these doubts come to me when i'm feeling human... listening to a pair of songs, couldn't stop crying, life's so fuckin' fragile... no matter how much you beg, it won't go your way, it won't be longer than it should... death seems so close in days like these play with your life, cause life's the only thing you SEEM to really own, and yet, you just get one shot... what to hold on to... if i should die today, this sort of music i would hear... this pure words so strong this strong strings all ripping... these things that make sense. wouldn't it be sad to know everything you ever wanted... to be tormented by memories you never thought you had, to be stabbed by the things you never did just to die a couple of seconds later...?

Earth's a huge case for random people... too huge for people to be so small, and yet, we all find ways to meet in the weirdest ways in the best places in the prefect moment these few months i've been knocked out by faith, everything goes, so quick, so perfect... it's unreal... we all walk this huge case, straight. And sometimes... we just bump, we just hit "hi, your heart's bleeding" "i know...got a band aid?"

today i realized...i got a little paranoic. must trust people though... people alway deserve a chance to prove themselves better... let's not loose it... love entirely, no room for fear i guess

day's here... all dark and lonely... the last of mine, done nothing with my life, said nothing to nobody... feel the crazy extasy of ripping skin and dying without saying goodbye... know why it's such a great idea? i don't... when weakness arrives...let's fight it says me i don't know... i'm just done about me... not me anymore... it's no longer about me... let's not talk about me i'm sick of me... fuck me... i'm done with it

have you ever felt like you did too much and everything was worth nothing? yesterday my friend left... she never told anything to me, she quit school and say nothing cause she knew i would try to talk her out of it... it's hard... i always tried to help her, with her problems at home, i helped her with her grades, at school, and other stuff and... she was torn by her family saying: "you're not worth the effort, quit school and make some money" fuck them, them who know nothing about their daughter's dreams... i. i... i'm so fuckin' gonna miss her. she doesn't deserve what's being done to her

carry me... as i do... i always carry you with me... i can feel the taste of your kiss, and sometimes your smell comes to me like to say hello... when bored, when happy or desparate... i just carry you inside i can feel your memories filling me, all your words, i keep them, your smile... i can't get your smile out of my head, it shines, it's light... it's the best thing... your smile, and the shiver of looking into your eyes, holding your hand and wondering what's in your head... i just love you... i feel like i could do anything... for you to smile, for you to bless me with that soft voice of yours...i feel all ready... next to you i do things i would never ever do thank you... that's why everytime i wake up, and i feel better about me...i just can think of you...it's thanks to you i miss you all the time, but it's then when i think about our last talk, and then i turn, and you're all around... you see? i carry you with me all the time... that's why my life's better now... you're now... THE BEST PART OF ME I LOVE YOU... THANKS FOR COMMING INTO MY LFE and now...words never seem good enouh to say how much i love you, how much i care about you, all the things and details of yours that i know i am never going to be able to dream without... i don't know...i'm just... i'm just... all yours i'll stop now... i'm about to cry.

feel this thoughts erased by the blood? and don't turn, don't close your eyes and look at me while i talk to you... i'm not even close to finishing with you... see these broken bones of yours? they're nothing compared to what you're about to become... suicide's the answer... but while droppind from a building, could you scream loud enough for everyone to hear? but could you spill enough blood from your veins to stain every mind on Earth? but could your neck crack in a pitch high enough to make everybody go crazy? if not, i won't be worth it... i wanna go crazy, and i want to be stained in blood...I want to hear you scream: "i don't wanna die"

kick me over, roll me all bruised between your feet...then maybe i will see how blue the sky shines... then maybe i'll see that the sun's real before it makes my eyes burn... maybe then you can spit all over me and force me to smile... maybe i will maybe i will... maybe fear will be gone with the image of you breaking her inside