Y ya abierta esta alma orgullosa vulnerable, desnuda y sangrante... parce preferir morir antes que encontrar la cura de tí. I carry the wight of those who i loved, those who i have hurt, i've carried the weight of the things i didn't do and the words i never spoke... i'm my own way to selfdestruction... so... what if you just kill me? i'm sick, i'm ill... and no one could ever love this junk all stitched and scarred that i call heart, pick up the little pieces and fix it... so i can give it to somebody else new. i'm junk, i'm up just when i'm with you. i'm lost and all that can guide me is your light... it's just that... i have nothing to give... i'm nothing, i'm shit, i own nothing but pieces, a mended heart... and a dream of rising someday... i hurt people around me always, cause i'm sad all the time and they feel bad cause they can't help me, or because they think that they are not important enough for me to be able to get in and fix me ... i'm sorry. i really am... i never meant to make you feel that way... it's just that... i'm afraid for them to see that i'm all fucked up... and leave me. save me save me. save me. save me. save me... enough about me... tell me now... what weapon will you use to deal with me?

that's right, maybe i can be happy, maybe i can't stop myself from being in love... but inside i know, i'm stuffed with only broken pieces of who i once was...today, this pieces are making funny noises, they're making me cry. Pieces, broken ideas and damaged smiles... all those things i gave... and were given back, but torn apart... and all those things that were worth something in me, but i crashed them...they are never enough for me... I never feel enough. Sometimes i wish... i wouldn't love so deeply... but then again... love's what i'm living for. Living... i remember all those moments in which i wanted to die, i cut myself, and starve myself eating from time to time, a couple of strong pills and smoking cigarrettes... thinking maybe suicide was the only way for me to leave a mark after me. Sad sad thoughts, and twisted bad ideas i remember it...cause once in a while, i can still feel them inside...mixed with the pieces. Making myself miserable is what i know best, today i'm depressed, my wrist can't handle no more scratches, neither does my ankle... i'm praying no one notices this time... i hate them to yell at me for that...they don't undestand...that's the way i deal with the pain of being here, and being me, and the fear and knowing... i'm nothing. You'll see... when i'm alone i'm nothing, and when i'm in love, i give everything, and then, when i can make somebody smile, then... i really feel alive. I just live to serve other people's hearts...and that's ok for me. i always think, that if people could really tell who i am... i would already be tied to a bed in some white place all alone... can somebody get it? i guess all i ever wanted was to be rescued... from myself... i need a strong heart to love me back, so i can surrender to the light of life. Love me please, i want you... come to me.. i guess i was never so sincere.

i'm not feeling good today, that's what i feel like actually...a "motherfuckin' piece of useless shit" it's happening again, i'm too weak, this fuckin heart was made too fragile... and i can't heal you... if i can't even fix myself...how am i supposed to heal you!?...tell me, tell me or maybe i'll drown these gray clouds, are dancing around me... save me somebody?

bump bump this twisted stain this heart shaped mouth...come on go WOW!!! bump, bump bump me way up high...you can't reach me now, not coming down today... i got myself some new wings ...burn them down burn them down so i can roll on the ashes bump bump...let's go down bump bump...tear me down i'm full of you i'll fly without them wings anyway bump bump...let's go boom!!! ********** i've got plenty of energy today.

today... i saw erick he passed right by me, and in a moronic way pinched me as he always used to and when i turned back he was wearing his old cap and the blue shirt i picked for him and that i liked so much. I noticed the way he stared at me with bright eyes, he smiled at me with that fabulous mouth of his... his beard is longer than it used to be... i mean...it's like he's not aware of how broken my heart was for him. But it's ok now. We went through so many things, and he hurt me so many times... i also did. but all that's left are good memories. whatever... i know i won't stop loving him. but i'm thrilled to start again. It's here. heart shaped mouth, pink metal murder, filled up warm ice cube, sunny night eyes... es sólo que a tu lado... parecen más intensos los colores, y todo cobra sentido.. por fin este maldito mundo se alineó y me regaló el poder pisar tus huellas todo el maldito cosmos se ha alineado para poder vivir en la sombra de tus pasos...

i don't know why...my heads not working today. nothing seems real, and words make no sense, i can barely speak...i'm so up high right now. i slept deeply today, i actually rested, there's no pain, no doubts...what have you done with me? thank you

All clean, all fresh... i'm new... i'm up... THANKS TO YOU It feels like being tangled in cotton candy and being attacked on the inside by murdering feathers... i don't know what i'm writting no longer... it's just that IT'S HERE (next time: think, then post...)

Es un completo éxtasis soñar los detalles de tu piel tibia, desesnterrados por mi boca... que en llamas al vuelo evocan ideas de lo que te quiero hacer. Morder tus labios, qué daría por morder tus labios... y llevar tu saliva en la lengua. Besar tu cuello, qué daría por besar tu cuello... e impregnar mi aroma en tu cuerpo. Molestarte, hablarte, alejarte y después tomarte fuerte de vuelta, sólo para besarte y perderme otra vez en los laberintos de tí. well, i wrote this one some time ago... it describes the way i "love"... and now i come and notice, it's here again... IT'S HERE AGAIN TEAR ME DOWN, TEAR ME DOWN... daylight's brighter in your eyes

Everything happens, and it happens so fast I mean, my heart pumped so hard, then twisted, then shrunk, all in the past five hours... i mean...really...i'm gonna beat the crap out of myself DO I LOVE YOU? DON'T I? I'M OVER YOU... and then YOU COME taste somebody else's lips, try some new love charms...starting all over again... and yet...i can't stop thinking if you still think of me... i'm not moving, i'm not choosing... i won't let this twisted mind mess with the ones i love y mientras por un segundo mi vida es más que tú... no corre su curso sin ti... si soltaras este corazón...sería tan sencillo. vuelves o no? ya no sé si te quiero de vuelta

well...he's been avoiding me. it hurts... i'm as vulnerable as i was before erick came and pick me up, i'm feeling lonely again, i'm feeling dirty again, i'm useless and unimportant again. the song that describes this feelings right now is "something i can never have"... *you always were the one to show me how *back the i couldn't do the things that i can do now *everywhere i look you're all i see, just the fading fucking reminder of who i used to be. I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW TINY I AM, I CAN'T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH THIS WILL TO LIVE HAS SHRUNK... I CAN'T TELL HOW I BECAME SHIT...AGAIN TEARS ARE COMING...let's mark this pain, bring the blade... for my skin's begging ya no sé si te quiero, o cómo te amo, todo pierde forma estando a tu lado... vienes o vas, me dueles...sólo sé que me dueles.