so today was so hot. him sucking on my neck, and ear...he knows just the right spots...all tangled in sheets...him breathing hard over me. and then this angel arrives, and i forget...what i was feeling... i had never been afraid of falling in love.

I told my boyfriend i would never ever cheat on him...he's just so fragile, i didn't mean to make him cry...he's the most tender warm crystal heart, and i need to protect it Problem is, cheatin is different for him, than it's for me... And then, someone comes in and messed up my head.. a little, and just for a while, and I can't blame him

I'm at peace for the moment...really enjoying it. I'm getting used to the idea that my BF may leave, and I'm getting ready for it. I am so in love with him, but i can't stay for him to hurt me again. Thanks to this new person in my life...I'm ok. I'm really ok, so why do my friends come and ask me if I'm ok, they tell me not to cry... this balance in me is weak... please don't mess with it.

I...I... I can't stop crying again... why do I feel so trapped, and desperate... why am i so afraid? What can i really hold on to, why is everything so changed? Is this what it looks like? Am I ever going to be free? Would you leave me? Would yo really leave me?... Or would you join me, even when I don't want it? I'm all shivery... why? Why would you do that?

My own mind is fuckin' trying to kill me... Why is everything so messed up, Sittin' quiet and then...BOOM I'm yelling, and then laughing just to finish crying. I'm going crazy. I'm litteraly hunting my boyfriend, I want him, then I don't....then i want to kill him, then I suck on his neck and feel sick. I want to cut myself, go drunk...What shitty things are going through mu mind i CAN'T CUT OUT? I'm feeling fucking desperate, ill with rage and jealousy, and doubts, and evil.... FUCK!!!!!!!! I WONDER.... IF I CUT MY VEINS AND CALL MY BOYFRIEND, WOULD HE BE HERE BEFORE THE LAST DROP FALL????

Today, I'm depressed... not new... However, i've been felling this way for a week now, I cut myself a lot this past few days, the wounds are not open, but they keep an unhealthy beautiful bruise appereance, and bleeding this time didn't help me as much as is used to. Today's my birthday, none of my friends called, I didn't get presents, i was waiting for my boyfriend to come, and he didn't show up. I feel his pity when he holds me... he motherf... no Just maybe I'm fucking gonna explode, I cried, I cut ,I yelled.... no help Maybe....The final Solution... I'll wait another week

Soo... He's there, writting an e-mail to that bitch.... I didn't tell him everything, but i'm bursting inside. Can't take her out of my head... that... it's just... IFI COULD JUST ERASE HER KISS, HER LAUGH, HER TEARS OUT OF HIM.... Could kill, her.. But i won't Not yet... Bleed, that will help me...