My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me, so won't you kill me? So I die happy? Or wear as jewerly..whichever you prefer. It's back. It's invaded into my soul!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe Andy left. There goes...such a feeling. Such a feeling of comfort. I don't know how, and I don't know why but he made that place home for me. What I want to say I won't type because I'm ashamed of it. No, nothing like that. I like Brian. But Brian isn't cute. That's ok. But...I really like him. He's a senior. Daniel's cute though. Shy? Fuck I don't know...Richard's fucking' annoying thinking he can just boss me around. It looks like Rich is getting...hurt..he's become quieter. It makes me sad. Don is just..fuck go away Don. Adan..I dunno. Camtu! She's really cool, I love that I can tease her. And she can't do a thing about it. Ha. Lulu's awesome. (Which reminds me of the other night when I spent the night at Vicky's with Kelly and there was Lulu and Michelle! I mean like..wtf..and they got high...I was so fucking close...) I don't want to talk about Kelly. I never do. Damn..it's Death Cab for Cutie now..And guess which one? Yep..that one. Company Calls Epilogue. Fuck. I work today, so I should probably go to sleep. Night.

Damn faye for sharing this song.. Gawd. I feel empty. Really. Ever since I started work today..I felt like dying..and being ok with it. I felt angry. Afraid. Useless. Just...empty of anything good. Mother made it worse. I was almost in a good mood when she picked me up too. I wish I was back with Kelly now. I really do always feel at home at Vicky's. I just...I like being treated like that..like...nicely..god..so nicely. Note: Crepes are really really good. And I love the strokes with all my heart. Fuckin' teenspot and it's down time..

And it's all my fault. I know it is.. Shit, I have to work all day and by the time I come back there won't be any time to go on the computer. And then I'll be busy on Thursday. And I'll be leaving that night. I could maybe fit in a good bye message..but...I'm a fucking fraid. He might be too angry with me to even want to talk to me when I come back..He might have lost interest. (I know I would.) Urgh..like..five more minutes. I dunno why I'm glad to chat with Jaden. Guess because we were both broken hearted by the same guy.

I'd like to tell him that. But I couldn't. What's going to happen is that he'll stay angry at me for a long time and I won't try and make up for fear of getting turned down. "I don't wanna crash and burn!" -Talan, Laguna Beach. Yep. I wrote this a couple minutes after the argument happened. “You’re an ass.” Ouch. Wouldn’t it be so cool…so wonderful if years later I had a friend, a wonderful friend, who I could come home to everyday. Someone I’ve known for years, who knows me deeply, understands everything about me deeply. Wouldn’t it be wonderful? I guess it was his turn to just walk out of an argument. I did it last time…though this time I’m sure he won’t be crawling back to me as I did. The reason being he doesn’t really love me. He tells me all the time that he does, jokingly so, friendly like so, honestly so. I don’t. The irony, I love him. It wasn’t just because he was high… He had hurt me the other day…unintentionally I know! But goddamn it, I’ll admit it, I wanted to hurt him. Anyways...it hurts...so much. At the same time I can barely feel. something's missing and I know it's my fault. I would do anything for him to just...get back online and say those words..I swear I would say them back. And mean it with all of my heart.

And it hurts oh so much. I feel like throwing up constantly because I am constantly thinking of him. I love Faye even more now. Chris/ Hinton is annoying. Really wtf? So is Jaden. I don't think he likes her very much anymroe since he's seen his picture..deosn't make me the bad guy you know. It doesn't! E-Pro is gorgeous. I went to a concert Sunday. It was fucking awesome. I'll never forget it. Never. I'm lying. rude-boy is ugly. I'm just as bad as he is. Worse.

How the hell did it remember that? Well that's not the point nevermind. A lot of things have changed. I'm back on Teenspot. I've got e-friends. I think I'll only be talking about my e-life right now...real life will have to wait foranother entry. First off, Faye. I never, never thought...I'd meet someone to whom I could tell anything..you know like that..I didn't think I'd like her at first..But she's wonderful. She could be the cause to why I'm so popular at TS you know. Next. Andre. I don't even know his name...and I won't say it...but yeah you know...He's so fucking great. How I'd love to meet him. Just to talk to him, get to know him even more (as if I don't know enough as it is!) He...I wish I could explain to myself how important he is to me but I don't think it's possible. Ashwin. Better known as rude-boy...I still sort of get a rush whenever I see his name..but I'm over that e-crush. For once, I'm telling myself the goddamn honest truth. I think I like Chris, aka, hinton17, but I'm not too sure. On the boards he's awesome..chatting is cool also but...I dunno..I get a weird feeling. Not like he's weird or anything..we just don't click like..well like me and Andre and Faye do. We're family. I consider them very close family. Maybe Ashwin is too. Anthony221. Important. Kewldude50/ Cognoscent/Lewis. Franki_frog/ Jaden Lydia..I wanna hate her because I know Andre and her are close now..have been ever since I left for a long while..but she's great. what3v3r. I don't know what is it with that dude. I think he just want's to be mean to be liked. I'm fond of him. Nightwish. So so scary. but oh so lovely. Aaron. Fuck, do I have to repeat myself? you know what that can just go with every mod there. I'll write more about TS later. And believe me..there is more... By the way. Happy 6/6/06 Candy. I hope you enjoyed yourself.

Next thing you know, I'll be married...or divorcered with four kids and I still haven't heard from her. And I'll still be too scared to call her. Oh my kitties are so big! And cute. I wanna play with them so badly but my stupid, fucking, paranoid, chauvanistic pig is...well...damit a fucking pig. I'm almost finished with my story. I can feel it! Ive took away so many things. And added just as many. It's barely the same story I started with. Oh I should be working on it now...So enough with this. Bye bye.

OH MY GOD... Where the FUCK is it? Bianca better not have took it or something. Or worse Mom..Or even more worse. Micheal. I know he read some of the first chapter the other day when I was typing it. I knew I should have smothered him in his sleep the other day. Oh I'm sorry but was intterupted by my dear mother. She took my sister to the doctors so I'm just here by myself in my home. Micheal's at school. I'm Alone...I love it. So where was I?...Oh yeah..Well I think I'm almost finished with my first chapter. YAY! Oh I want to post it up today so bad! I've got a D in science...So the chances of me getting to use the computer after grades come out aren't that great...I hate feeling this dread...It's just awful. I still haven't called Kelly. Right now would be a perfect time. What's stoping me? Nothing. I wish I wasn't such a stupid frady cat..I wonder if that's how you spell it..I think I'm gonna call her right now. I think. Oh well I'm gonna look for another smile to put here. I just love those things! EWWW.....

Seriously time does go by pretty damn quickly. Damn is my favorite word. =-) I'm listening to Fall Out boy right now so I'm in a pretty good mood. I even got Micheal to believe that I've already done my homework. The stupid git. I also love that word. Git. Bianca's Birthday was two days ago..It's about time she turned 13. It was getting pretty annoying to have to walk down the street with this 12 year old girl who is three inches taller than me. Only three more months till my birthday...tommorow's my mom's...Eh....I got no money...I guess I'll have to spend my lunch money but better that than have to listen to Micheal lecture me on how much she loves me while I have to sit there and stare at the spit on his chin. Ok another list of things to do..I actuall did some of the other things on my last one. Amazing eh? I'm pretty proud of myself. 1. Buy Mom's present. 2. Call Kelly. Seriously before she runs away to San Antonio or something. 3. Do homework..At school. 4. Sleep earlier. 5. Practice on Bianca's guitar...Get better at sneeking it away from her. 6. Be nicer to Daniel...Not too nice. 7. Talk to Elizabeth more. 8. Talk more with your "friends". I can't believe I have to tell myself that. Pathetic. 9. Find eyeliner and stop losing it everywhere. Same with money. 10. Stop lying to Sarah so much. Monica too. Smiley attack!!!

1. Rewrite HP story. 2. Do homework 3. Stop thinking about Dennis. And Elizabeth's friend..who's name I don't even know.. 4. Go to sleep earlier. 5. Save money 6. Be nicer to Nancy and Daniel. 7. Talk to Sate more. She's cool. 8. Stop avoiding Adrianne and the rest of them. 9. Kill Maribel in her sleep. Might wanna find out where she lives first... 10. Stop acting so pathetic And look here's another smiley to cheer me up. I dunno if it will work though. Oh well. And look here's another smiley to cheer me up..I dunno if it