i have lost every desire i've ever had to make new friends. i really don't care anymore. i'm becoming so fucking apathetic. i want to move somewhere, i want to be something. i don't want to be anything. i just watched the saddest movie in the world. my life without me. ugh. i cried for the full 118 minutes. and now i'm just like-ugh. why am i even writing in here. bbbbbiabia

well. i'm actually happy right now. i'm so much happier without their friendship. she left me, to be friends with one of my former friends who had done a lot of shit to me. and i let her. but what's it matter now? shows what kind of a friend she was. i'm actually happy that they have each other. they deserve each other. i have my athena. she means the world to me, and i really don't care about them. they can leave each other lovey dovey myspace comments and shit, but theres no possibly way that i'm going to let it taint me. taint this euphoria. so whateva! shine on mother fuckers! i found again what i love once more i feel forever like i did before

alone we stand, together we fall apart.

this town is full of monsters. aha. i'm writing in here from work. i have a livejournal, i don't know why i don't use that. maybe because nobody can comment and get all personal. i'm not a very "people person" persay...more just i talk to people just to socialize so i don't become a hermit, but i would be just fine on my own. when most of my friends rely on something, anything, to get them through the day..i try and rely on nothing. because you really don't need anything but food and water, right? the rest are just luxuries to keep you from being sad. well i guess i rely on music. this summer, sophomore to junior year, i really feel like i've grown more into myself. i actually feel passionate about things...music...making handbags...art...i'm terrified for school to start though. i'm afraid of a lot of people, and what they've turned into, and really what i've turned into. what about when i see my old friends i justbecome a colossal bitch? what if they've turned into colossal bitches? maybe we're all monsters. ah, i have no idea. the future awaits me. but i'm just fine over here. it's like, calling out my name and i really just want to stay right where i am. i'm happy here. i'm comfortable here. maybe i should just go to homeschool. but if these monsters keep following me, i'm just going to have to die or something. you shouldn't have to change yourself for anyone. i just want to have fun. boys are really grossing me out lately. i think i'm becoming more and more asexual by the minute. nobody really knows me. athena is the first person that i have really stuck up for. i've completely discarded friends just because they said something mean about her. i know she would do the same for me, and that feels good. monstersmonstersmonsters but i'm glad that there are the rare occurence of kindness and virtue in some of them. love kelsey

oh modest mouse. how i adore thee. recently it has been a time for ridding the old and welcoming the new with open arms. it's pretty exciting. i have about $530 and a bank account. most money i've ever had in my filthy little hands before. i don't know why i get so upset over things i read online. it really shouldn't matter to me anymore, but being the afraidtogetingtoanythingseriousbutthenwhenidoigetwaytooattachedandthenfreakmyselfoutandendeverything kind of person i am, i don't think i really ever do stop caring. which is horrible, i really wish i would. i really wish i could. but it's all gravy as ben would say. i miss someone. i think i scared him off. he told me liked talking to me more than his girlfriend. and then we stopped talking. it's too bad i really liked talking to him. we were so much a like. le sigh. why does my family have such horrible luck with cars? this is life. i need to learn how to deal. my sister is leaving for college, and so i don't have much left. she doesn't really know it, and i just kind of figured it out, but shes my best friend. kind of sad that i'm so close to my sister, i know, but she really means a lot to me. DANCE HALL DANCE HALL EVERYDAY! love kelsey