pierced my ears today, just a second hole in the lobe, nothing too strange (i got the first piercing when i was five). i don't wear earrings a whole lot, but the idea of piercing my own ears has been nagging me all summer. i used a safety pin and it was really hard to get it through the back of my ear lobe. now i just have to keep the earrings in the holes for a while, probably a couple of months (i think it's 40 days, right?).

no words...maybe...no, nothing to say.

i think my right foot has a magnetic attraction to the bathroom door, i stubbed my heel on it today(which i think is odd, since i was walking forward at the time). first semester of college: two weeks. will it be better or worse than being home all day? hope so. as long as there is hope, i will live, and as long as i live there is hope. someday...

oh, by the way, i think i'm going bald on the very top of my head, maybe it is all the chlorine in the pool water, because strands seem to fall out very easily.

today i almost lost control. at first i swam the length of the high school pool on one breath without surfacing. now i double back when i get to the opposite side and see how far i can go before i have to come back up for air. i got nearly half way back across and i think i nearly drowned myself in doing so. i had always felt that the water was harmless, maybe even my guardian, but today i nearly passed out under seven feet of water. it kinda scares me, but what is worse, is that everytime i go under the surface, i never want to come back up. also today, while hovering over the bottom of the 12 foot end of the pool, i suddenly thought, "the water is trying to drown me!" it had started to leak into my mask because of the pressure. the deep water makes me free, i cannot fall into the space between me and the concrete bottom. i come back to the surface only because i have to. i coughed a lot and felt like an idiot today when i almost lost it, but then again, i wish i had been able to stay under longer. i must be careful never to loose control, i know this all the more since i came so close today.

i think my gold fish are trying to tell me something, i dreamed about them the other night. i dreamed that i was feeding them crumbs of popcorn. when i worke up that morning, i found a popcorn crumb on the floor near my bed. the thing that really freaked me out was that we haven't had popcorn in the house for months. i can't figure out where the crumb came from. i only write this now because i still can't get it out of my head, maybe i'll quite mulling it over so much if i write it down, then i can start to forget about it (or maybe i shouldn't? should i try to figure out the meaing? what meaning? dreams are just random thoughts right?). whenever i tell anyone about this dream, they look at me funny and try to change the subject.

weezer, hope of the states, and evanescence, i'm going to need a new battery for my walkman soon.