sometimes you cant see an end and sometimes poeple do something thats really sweet and really kind for no reason and for a moment it makes everything ok. just for a little while, and it lets you prepare fior the plunge, lets you catch your breath. That is always something to be thankful of. sometimes you cant see an end, you see people get married and you think of the divorce rate, your parent gets better after bing ill and you wonder how long it will be till they get ill again, you drink untill you cant move and you wonder how many more drinks it will take till you pass out and dont feel. you wonder how long it will be till your not alone anymore. and its that wondering that is killer, it gets worse but thats the start. the start of it all you wake up in the night and its cold, you feel safe in the darkness because no one can see you and you can't see, but you now daylight will come, you get sick of getting up each morning and applying your smile with the rest of the make up, when people ask you if your ok you get sick of saying yeah im fine what about you? it sounds so hollow that it echos in your ears. perhaps this is just being a teenager., maybe im feeling sorry for myself, maybe i should just raise that shield again. am i ok? sure im fine what about you?