So, there's this band called the Angelic Upstarts. The first time I ever heard any of their music was about 6 months ago. I just learned that they've been around since the 1970's. Apparently I've been living under a rock.

So, it happened again the other day. I'd been kinda seeing this guy, "D," for the last couple months. Actually, I WAS seeing him...but I was also seeing other guys, because D and I only saw each other about once a week, if that; and we had never agreed to be in a monogamous relationship. But, stupid me...I developed feelings for him anyway. I wasn't in love with him, but the more I got to know him the more I cared about him...so it started to bother me that he never spent the night with me. I didn't feel like merely a booty call, because we'd go out for dinner and talk on the phone, and we had so many things in common. That's why it hurt me that he wouldn't spend the night: the more we got to know each other, the closer I felt to him...so every time he left, I felt empty and sad. I finally said something to him about it, and he told me that he still has a bunch of unresolved feelings for his ex. He told me that he'd asked her to marry him and she said no, and then the relationship ended and he was so heartbroken that he didn't date anyone else for 6 months. That's when he met me. He told me that he hasn't gone out with anyone else since he met me, although I never asked him that - he just volunteered the information. But then he went on to say that because he was so heartbroken about his ex rejecting him, he "isn't ready for a relationship." He's leaving off the last two words of that sentence, and it kinda pisses me off because I'm not stupid, I've heard it before and I've even been the one to SAY it in past relationships, but we all know damn good and well that it's a load of crap when people say they're "not ready for a relationship." When people say that, they're leaving off two very important words at the end of the sentence: "with you." I forgot to mention the fact that D is 42 years old, so it's not like he's some kid. He's a grown man, and obviously he was ready for a relationship when he asked this woman to marry him and she rejected him...so I'm supposed to believe that he's not ready for a relationship NOW? Bullshit. He's trying to be nice, and I appreciate the fact that he doesn't want to hurt me...but I know what he's really saying, and it's that he doesn't want a relationship with ME. It makes me feel like I've somehow failed, like I'm not good enough or not attractive enough or something. I've gone out with guys in the past who told me they "weren't ready for a relationship," and then they turned around and married the very next girl they dated. So I know that phrase is a load of crap. I think everybody is ready for a relationship when they meet the right person, and anyone who tells you that they're "not ready for a relationship" just doesn't want to have a relationship with YOU. They'll be perfectly happy to have a relationship with someone else, when it feels right. And I guess that's part of the reason it hurts: because I don't understand why it didn't feel right with me. D told me I was beautiful and sexy and intelligent, and he loved the fact that I knew so much about music, and we had so much fun spending time together...yet for some reason it still doesn't feel "right" to him. I'm glad I continued to go out with other guys. I'd feel like a total loser if I'd been faithful to some guy who never wanted me to begin with.

the new punk bands all sound just like them. it's amazing that the Ramones have continued to have so much influence on punk music even to this day. i wish i'd appreciated them while they were alive.