ant that just a bastard! i know we were always genna get beaten by phils band but that was just not funny. the juges told us more than one band can go thru. we played we were the 2nd best badn there after phils even if i say so myself we kicked ass our cheer was amasing. we should have won. then the judges anounced that 3 bands had gone thru i was honestly thinking we got thru this was genna be great. then last minute he read some other bands name out. might have been becouse the other band had a girl drummer or something. so after all the effort thats it not thru. its hard when you rely on things to keep you sane first it was jenni that went tits up and my band was there for me to think about put my mind to. but now. but fucking now. we lost our chance. aparently theres genna be another chance next year. but thats a year away. were now offisial crap down at the first herdal. what a basrd nite. i could taste victory. then out. and to top it off my drummer and guitarsit have got thru in other bands. so now im jus the retared bass player. i went to the judge afterwards and sed "nice judging you got it rite" and he sed "did you get thru" i sed "no i was in 12 INCH SINGLE" he went "on but you were ready good" i should have sed "prick" or "bastard" and i wanted to but if theres any chance of winning next year its best to be in the good books. so now it seems i cant rely on my band. or girls. and i definat;y cant rely on my self. maybe i should write a book... put a funny twist on the whole situation. emma seemed more upset that me but then i lernt it was becouse her ex BF was there. i slept round emmas house after the failure gig but couldent get up to anything becouse it wassent a good time for her if you know what i mean and her parents were in. so a bad end for a bad day. now the weathers rainy and i got design coursework to do and finish. bring on the holidays someone give me something to pore my self into that wont get thrown back in my face. i spose i could do what other people do and like pray for happyness and stuff but i dont wanna have to resort to god. i will think of something i got the cash locked up in my guitar stuff if i wanna start something new. all i have to do now is find something that apeals to me. you neva know i might stick wioth guitars or something. just a bad day. bye

seem to be forgetting this journal... opps.. tring to sort my life out to many small problems anyway i will let you know if i sucseed.

im bk from france i did put in an entry becouse i forgot and wasd in france. now in school. first lesson monday. mike has told me where my amp is so my mind is at rest. i think emma is ill i hope shes not. well i will find out at the bush. the bush a place people go to smoke and girls follow there chicks... its weard im used to my girlfreinds smokeing it seems normal tro me now. anyway not much to say now. tina and tara giving me shit... great stuff... bastards. anyway stuff to look at work needs to forgoten etc,.

yeah today was the gig day... i got a bit frustrated with emma... bla bla (fucking parents wont leave me alone) anyway was with emma she seemed to be making problems for no reasion. gig went well i meesed up soo many time... which is normal for me... the atmosphire wassent very good. tomlin looked cool... poor bastard being with jenni. its a bit of a shame that emma was being a bit... duno kinda... well if somethings hard to do and she knows it is isnt it just easier to let me do it the way i want?... well anyway there you go. my spots seem to be going down a little now. emma looked amasing in her dress.. and her corset... yum yum yum!. duno how i manage getting girls like her i mean look at me! who cares i got her dont wanna lose her... oh please dont let me lose her... couldent bare to be ripped apart. weard im gouing on holiday for 3 days and im already feeling like im genna miss emma.

nothing that intresting happenind today joe tole me he might need to be circumsied. emma seems anoyed at me but she she it wassent me. my fucking spots are bad! but the spot cream seem to be working well and maybe by thursday they will be gone. dropped my map of at school for the practise for tomro phil and brain hill looked pissed at me for some reaision... dickheads. got mum to take me home! no crappy school bus tonite! yeah!. jenni and jess were shouting mean things but not sure if it was aimed towards me probly becouse emma wassent there... bastards. genna ring emma later maybe i can get thru one phonecall without pissing her off or getting boreing. man im shuch a shit boyfreind. im genna call today "the day of bastard and dicks" lol i asked bex who she thought had the biggest dick outa me and joe and she sed me! hell yes! came up with a good return for someone tring to show of infront of me.... "i have a big cock but you dont see me getting out in front of you do i?" cant wait till i can use that.

duno what this is realy for but im sure i can figure it out when im not pissed on champaine hik. things with me and jenni ended, for the better i spose. me and emma are going realy well she rocks. tring to make a bass cab but i havent got any screws or wood genna end in failure. it almost seems possible i mean i made a guitar strap from a belt a bit of a bag and a guitar strap , and that hassent fallen apart many times yet. god i fell fucking stupid im ok at the higher things in life like writing and phylosophy but the small things like knowing where im supposed to be or how to spell seem beond me. well who am i to complian im not genna fail in life in fack i have a pretty sweet life a sweet pretty girlfreind a nice little band average exam resluts. for some reasion i dont feel right like i was ment to be part of something bigger... then again evryone feels like that sometimes dont they?. my dog rocks he like old and depressed and he hates me which is cool becouse hes forsed to be round me i can tell i agrevate him becouse he dead eyes me. whats funny is there nothing he can do about it. its a shame hes genna get old and die before i am becouse deep down i love him and i love feeling sorry for him. my family life? well dads a genius and he likes being alone on 15 mile walks he asks me to go along but i think its just so that when he dies he can be lovengly remeber he a realy nice guy realy... my mum... now what a character full of enegry been thru so much a bit beaten down by life car crashes skying ingures ect but she was shuch a fighting spirit she wont ever give up... my sister not the smartest girl i know but shes got my dads urge to sussed in life and my mums spirit she will get far. as for me well i just me nothing that intresting baout me i want to do something intresting with my life though not so i can be remeber just so i can die and think "well that was fun" but alas to be honest my dreams will die and i will end up like evryone else with a morgage and kids to look after. i think thats enoth to write at the moment after all this is only for song meanings.- rob age 16 march 05