It's true - I'm considering writing more regularly now (partly due to the popular demand from half of the two people that even know about this page). Sadly, I think this "journal of insights" is going to turn out to be a blog, but oh well. Life's been pretty crazy lately. Among other things, my sister had a C section today; I'm an uncle at 18. My lesser, more human parts had a lil' coup going for a while to debase my intellect; today, they finally lost. I suppose it's good to be back and in control of myself. I've been having some pretty inocuous, and yet disturbing dreams lately. I'm not feeling the need to talk more about that here. I started writing a guide to living a happy life yesterday. I started to realize how bad of a writer I am, and how good I am at thinking up bullshit and making complicated, run-on sentences. Lastly, I start school @ Allegheny in a couple of months. I dunno... If I can, in fact, see the future, things are going to become difficult in the life of Zach. Maybe that's why I'm at a loss - I don't want to know what will happen, so I'm blocking it out. My dreams haven't been helping the matter. That's all for today. Write me @ zachdell1@netzero.net if you have any complaints or would like to suggest a topic for me to write about. Later.

It is said that everyone's life flashes before their eyes before they die. To me, this is man experiecing timelessness while still alive. It is the beginning of man's ascension into the next realm of existence. Another such instance of when man losing himself in time is when he sleeps. One passes from this realm, into the unconscious, into sleep. Some say that sleep is simply practice of death. So then what is death but eternal rest?

I can’t remember the last time that I’ve just cried. Some might say that that’s a good thing… I don’t. To be honest, I can barely remember – not counting the past couple of months – the last time that I have felt emotion at all. I have conditioned myself to feel no pain; the problem with this is that I (obviously) can no longer feel pain… or anything else. I always advise people not to put their emotions in a bottle. They always build up, and if shaken, like a carbonated beverage, will explode (which ironically causes an implosion in the mind of the possessor). I have tried to pour these passions out, but instead I have simply ignored that they exist. I have buried them. I am a hypocrite. The only way to pour out your emotions is to express them, and express them properly by dealing with them. Dwelling on things doesn’t make them disappear. This becomes problematic, though, when you lose the ability to feel and express emotion. Reason only goes so far. One must express passion. One must experience, in some way, catharsis. How does one regain the ability to feel? My guess is that one must reconnect to society. Befriend someone. Talk with a sibling or parent. Confide in someone; anyone. Love. No man is an island, no matter how much one deludes him or herself.

Have you ever had that feeling - no, it's more of a type of thinking, or a temporary perspective about life - where everything is so freaking funny that you can't stop laughing? You begin to think that some o.t.w. thing is hilarious and you start laughing; then you realize that you're being an ass, which you also find to be funny, so you continue this neverending cycle of laughter. If you have experienced this, you're not alone. It's wonderful, isn't it? My girlfriend, Kylie, came up with this term - air current time - to describe this state; or rather, her dad did. He had originally coined it while observing his dog barking at absolutely nothing. He figured it was barking at a change in the air current. Thus, whenever one laughs without reason, it has come to mean that they are experiencing air current time. I've found that this often happens while under the influence... when our minds are incapable of functioning correctly. Maybe you get this feeling when you do drugs, or when you're so tired that you enter into an insomnia-like state; but what about when you're in love? Does this state have a significant place in a close relationship? And if it does, why; what is it; what does it mean? Is it simply a sign of a well-oiled relationship, that you are comfortable with one another? I cannot answer these questions. Let me know if you can. I do know that laughter is important, whether you're in a relationship or not. I believe that it's something that we all need more of in our lives. Lighten up America; stop crying; relieve a little stress; be happy; laugh. Don't wait until you're reduced to a melting glob of grey matter walking around with a rod up your ass. Wake up. Change your lives. Welcome the changes taking place around you, especially changes in air currents.

"Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, Morieris." Now, this bell tolling softly for another, says to me: Thou must die. We've been reading the metaphysical poets as of late, namely John Donne. For those of you who haven't read his Meditation 17, I hope that you would consider doing so. It gives quite a bit of insight concerning death. This is what I've learned: You are going to die, as are we all. Accept it. Some will die sooner than later. Learn from those that have passed before you. Treat them with respect, in the knowledge that you too will one day follow in their footsteps. Each time someone passes away, we all die, for we are all connected because we are all human and all share the common lot of man: death. Every death that we witness presages our own. "Therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee." John White, You're free now. I hope that, through your death, you have brought many to life.

I'm sick and tired of of girls telling me about how they've been in a relationship for a few months and they're "in love". It makes me wonder how many of them even think that they know what love is. And then I realize: how do I know what it is? So, what is it? Does it exist? How long does it take to achieve it? How do you know when you're in love? I used to be almost certain that I knew exactly what love was; but now I realize that I can only guess at these questions. This is what I've come to believe about love: English, despite all of its wonderfully complex traits, is a sad, damnable language for we only have one word to express a wide array of feelings. There's the love you have for family, friends, items, and lastly, romantic love, eros. But what exactly is the nature of eros... lust? What about that everlasting, pure love that you see at 50th wedding anniversaries? I don't know about any of you, but I'll order some of that, please. A while back, a friend of mine defined this love as the feeling that you could give everything, even your life, for a person and expect nothing in return. So I ask myself: would I die for my significant other? Right now, I'm not entirely sure. I'd like to think that I would. What's the point in living if you don't have anything worth dying for? I then wonder if my "love" will last. Once again, I hope so. Why would you want to sacrifice for something that may turn out to be insubstantial? Maybe you must have some level of faith that it'll survive, and eventually bloom into something of inarticulateable beauty. I find it quite interesting that, in talking about the nature of love, I have mentioned all three of the cardinal virtues (faith, hope, and love). Interesting indeed...

Today my AP Brit Lit class was given the honor and priviledge to be able to take a practice SAT writing assaignment; something that I, nor my fellow Sr. classmates, will ever need to use. The prompt asked us something to the effect of: Why or why isn't discontent the first step to action? Being the philosophic, pensive nerd that I am, I took great interest in the subject and thought about it quite a bit. This was my insight for today: If you think your life is continually full of happiness, then you will lack the motivation to improve it. Why fix something that isn't broken? Thus, it is sometimes better for one to feel a relatively small amount of discontent in life, for it makes one want to strive for something more. As humans, it's impossible for us to reach a state of perfection. To those of you who beg to differ: put down the bong, joint, or whatever substance you prefer, and all the other things that provide you with a false sense of security and wake up. If you lack the motivation to change, you should force yourself to recognize what could be improved and what is false in your life, and use your discontent to fuel your will, and thus maybe become closer to true perfection.