"But deep inside in the corner of my mind I'm attatched to you" Ryan Cabrera today... I decided to listen to him while I read my chapter for Economics tonight... and of course, his lyrics got me thinking. Those first ones up there, is what started it off. And again this will be about Adrian. I just want him in my life, and closer than just a friend. Will that ever come? That's why this lyric rang inside my head... I'm always going to be attached to him, until I find someone new. But how can I find someone new if I'm holding out for him. *argh* frustration. "I'm weak/It's true Cause I'm afraid to know the answer Do you want me too? Cause my heart keeps falling faster" I want to know how he feels... but I can't talk about it to anyone. Back home, they all know what he did.. and they tell me forget about him. But I know! I know deep inside that he could be so much better than he is... and he knows I think that. When will it ring through? It has to be sitting there in the back of his mind. What's it going to take? Will I find someone else and start talking about it... and something will arise? If that's true, then I want to find someone now, just to move it along. I hate being such a big believer in fate sometimes. I know that whatever is supposed to happen, will happen in due time? I want it to be right now! Ahhhhhhh! "I'm weak / It's true I'm just scared to know the ending Do you see me too? Do you even know you met me?" This verse thing was from before... before I knew that he felt the same... So this is kind of a going back in time for me. Maybe it's still true right now... Maybe he's thinking that it'll never happen. But if he thinks that, then really why is he talking to me? Because there's no one else there to talk to... no one that he wants to talk to... What if inside his head, I'm first... That makes me think of Friday night... I watched a couple movies... and the second was over at 2am... so I come back to my room, and I go on this website to see if I got any mail, and some guy IM's me... so I spent the next hour, putzing around and talking to him... and I went to bed at like three, b/c I was falling asleep at my computer. Anyways, when I got up in the morning, I saw that like 15 minutes after I went to bed (joys of timestamps), Adrian said hi... LOL... but on this other website, he posted a bulletin, saying basically that he was drunk and it was great. That kinda makes me think about what I said what if I'm first... sure, my status was away, but he still wanted to talk to me... I kinda wish I had been awake, because I think that would've been greatly amusing. Too bad we're not closer that we talk on the phone (but I hate phones, I don't really care to talk on them) because that would've been a hella amusing phone call... *sigh* "I've waited all my life/ To cross this line To the only thing that's true So I will not hide/ It's time to try Anything to be with you All my life I've waited/ This is true."

"If I could have one wish tonight/I'd wish upon a satellite..." The Ataris - The Night That The Lights Went Out In NYC This is what I feel like with my guy friend, Adrian... that's all I can call him right now. The chorus of this song. "If I could have one wish tonight/I'd wish upon a satellite/That brings me back to you/That brings me back to you/ We spend our whole life searching for/All the things we're wishing for/And never really know we had" I liked him all last year, my senior year in school. I really thought that I got to know him... and of course, once we started college (because we didn't have each other's msn things until the summer) we each find out that we both liked each other and didn't know it. Other people knew it, could see it, whatever you may want to call it. But neither of us said anything. So we try in college, and all was good then all was bad. Then he did something STUPID... but now i don't know what we're at... maybe this song is what i hope he feels... I have a lot of hope inside of me that i wish that could come true. But the thing is, I don't know what to do to make it come true. A lot of songs that i may type about in here may be about him... maybe this will help me figure out just what i want to "be careful what you wish for/ these stars are fading..." that was just a little bridge of this song... i'm listening to it right now... i hope that isn't an omnious (is that the right word to use here? let me look it up...) (hmmm, not a word according to how i spelt it) anyways, i was thinking evil, a downhearting bad threat or warning... but what i read under a comment on this website... wish upon a satellite... verus a star... i'm kinda wishing on a satellite, because that's a sure thing to wish on, they'll always be around in the sky... the star we wish on now, may not be there tomorrow... i don't know what i'm thinking, or if it is even coherent at all... i just want happiness...