Now you're gone I wonder why you left me here I think about it on and on again I know you're never coming back But I hope that you can hear me I'm waiting to hear from you Until I do You're gone away I'm left alone A part of me is gone And I'm not moving on So wait for me I know the day will come I'll meet you there No matter where life takes me to I'll meet you there And even if I need you here I'll meet you there *okay, I don't feel quite so desolute that this song sometimes seems ("i know that you're never coming back") but it just rings something in me... about adrian... I wish I could have told you The words I kept inside But now I guess it's just too late So many things remind me of you I hope that you can hear me I miss you This is goodbye One last time *the last week, i feel like i've been haunted by memories... i think i've been reaching out, in my msn name and stuff to him... i just want to know: what he feels, if there's still something there on his side, is he pausing, is there anything that i can do... maybe i shouldn't hope "this is goodbye, one last time" You're gone away I'm left alone A part of me is gone And I'm not moving on So wait for me I know the day will come I'll meet you there No matter where life takes me to I'll meet you there And even if I need you here I'll meet you there *maybe it's kind of saying to me, that in the future we could have something, that's all i can allow myself to think about, maybe when he's proved something, or just something awakens inside of him that he can see the shit that's doing and what's out there that's so much better for him, and i guess i just want to be a constant right now to him, so that he can realize that and maybe i'll be there one there that he'll think of... "i'll meet you there." And where I go you'll be there with me Forever you'll be right here with me *he's always gonna be in me... in my thoughts, in my dreams... until i find someone new... and again... i don't know if i want to find someone new... i want him, i like him... I'll meet you there No matter where life takes me to I'll meet you there And even if i need you here I'll meet you there *"there" being just where ever he wants it, whenever it just hits him... there, is where i'm at, and now i'm just waiting on him to catch up with me... i don't like to be the one that's waiting for something to happen... but i will if that's the way things are suppose to work out, and if that's where my happiness is just going to be... and all of those feelings scary me a bit... i don't want to let a good thing, a better thing, pass me by simply because i'm waiting on someone that i'm not suppose to be with... does that mean my feelings for adrian right now is just security?... is he just simply going to be the one, the second best... you see, i myself hate being second best and i don't want to do the same to someone else... therefore, that could come to mean that the events happening now, are simply going on and forming me to be... to be the one for whoever i'm supposed to be the one for... and maybe they're allready "right here waiting" and that they will meet me there... hmm... many hidden meanings... this is why i love music

LOST IN YOU – BROKEN SUNDAY Lost in you And knowing what is real As you're drifting free of all tomorrows And the pain is forgotten like a dream That floats on dream to never known *Chorus So tell me what is on the mind Of someone who’s lost themselves inside Well life has changed but you remain the same for now Find what’s left and change yourself somehow Silence comes to take your breath away As you come to realize your sorrows Stumbling down in places finally found It’s the dreary, I’ve been lost and lonely *Chorus Falling through oblivion Truth finds itself a mark in stone Falling fast as you tumble down Among the good, the real and true *Chorus (x3) ************** okay, I am in love with this song too... and this band, BROKEN SUNDAY... they're from Grand Rapids, Michigan... frick, I have to listen to this song like multiple times, whenever it comes up on my itunes shuffle... kelly transcribed these lyrics for me, so kudos to her! hahaha, anyways... i just wanted to post this... and i know i won't find it under the currently playing list, damnit... god, i don't know what it is about this song that speaks so close to my heart... maybe, it's just that as comfortable as i am with just being myself right now... i just want to find someone that i can lose myself in, frick, that i can share the world with... *sigh* but i still got a long life in front of me... i love this song... anyways, i don't want to take away from the song... but no classes for us today! woo hoo! it's assessment day, therefore no class... we're suppose to go to a focus group and talk about our first year here... yeah, my alarm went off this morning and i decided that that wasn't going to happen... but i did get up to go to my mandatory major/minor meeting... and i have to pay tuition, get auralia put on my computer, and pay for the holding of the suite that we want to get... plus some studying tonight... yeah...

when the sun came up we were sleeping in sunk inside our blankets sprawled across the bed and we were dreaming there are moments when i know it and the world revolves around us and we're keeping it keeping it all going this delicate balance vulnerable all knowing (sing like you think no one's listening) you would kill for this just a little bit so, sing me something soft sad and delicate or loud and out of key sing me anything we're glad for what we've got done with what we've lost our whole lives laid out right in front of us *** god i love this song... and i don't know why... it's just touching something deep within me... and i can't explain it... especially the last verse... maybe it just means something to me that i haven't found yet. Hope... it shows hope... i don't understand the title, maybe we're not suppose to... i wish i knew what they thought, or what the song is just suppose to mean... love, being true to another, sleep, comfortableness, unconditional, truth, hope for the future, being accepted for who you are... maybe it's just a little bit of all of that. i love this band, it's the best new one that i've heard. their songs just capture me, pull me up into a mind set, a moment... this song makes me think that everything will be okay... someday

"If this is goodbye to you and me, what a good friend you've been to me And i owe it all to you, every good thing that i do is you. " i was listening to this song as i'm studying for my economics test on wednesday... and oh dear... is this what we'll become? me and adrian... this is scarying the shit out of me... i still want something more and i want to hope that it'll happen eventually, in a few days.... but if he's let go... then i have to... but if he hasn't, then i don't want to let go and have everything go to shit... oh my, i'm freaking out just a little bit inside right now... "I used to think that you were someone else, then I'd lose my mind each day I used to think that i could help myself, but its true what they say, "there's no reason without way" " yeah... this verse reminds me of before... december of last year... i thought that he could be so much better... i thought he was awesome overall... and we started drifting apart or whatever happened, i'm not quite sure what did happen... but then he did stupid stuff... "I used to wish that i was someone else, then i'd dream away the day Those dreams have made me into someone new and its true what they say, "there's no better time than today" " this verse... is just something that i feel within myself... i wish that i could be different, i always have... and i'd dream or fantasize about it... but when i heard that some one possibly liked me for me, i felt new... and that there was no better time than today... and now it's back to square one... i just haven't quite made it completely through this verse. "if this is goodbye to you and me well, what good friends we will always be and i owe it all to you, every good thing that i do is you " maybe i just need to talk to him... but that's so hard when the thoughts and feelings just aren't very coherent within myself... i need to find out "if this is goodbye to you and me" or was... i guess i just need to find that out to be able to let go properly... and i know that i won't be able to let go until i find someone new... but i have not urge to find that someone new, when i know there could always be that possibility... i just want to be better for him... although, he could be saying the same thing... that's why he's holding back, is because he knows that i think he can be so much better, and maybe he just wants to be that man before we possibly get together... but i don't want it to be too late for him... i still feel that attraction... and i just circled, that's all i seem to do when it comes to him... that's all i seem to do... along with getting my hopes up, and scared that they will be cut down and dashed away forever...

"Well, I'm willing to break myself To shake this hell from everything I touch I'm willing to bleed for days more reds and grays So you don't hurt so much " there is so much symbolism in this song... i love it... it speaks to me and to my heart right now... i will give up so much for anyone to be doing better in their life, that i will always put them first if they are close to me, than myself. and someday i just want someone who will do that for me... put me first and visa versa. "I'm on fire / And the day is feeling hopeless You'd see me burning but the burning's turning smokeless Soon I won't feel at all " i hate days like this... i had some this week... there was just so much to do, and i didn't feel like i could get it done... being so busy otherwise also... i really need to go and simply do all of the stuff this weekend... i'm working today, right now actually, but tomorrow it's suppose to be shitty outside instead of gorgeous like it is today "And now I'm static / As your sky is turning purple and gray I'm learning that the further that I crawl The farther that I fall, is that ok? / No And you're in pieces / As your world becomes a rainstorm You've got no shelter I'm a thousand miles away If you survive the day / You say you're leaving " I want this... i feel lonely... and i think that's why i want this so much... i just want to feel... i hate to sound like an aweful person, but i've been so devoid of emotions, unless something really makes me feel... *sigh* i dunno, i lost my thoughts for this song, so it's time to go

"But deep inside in the corner of my mind I'm attatched to you" Ryan Cabrera today... I decided to listen to him while I read my chapter for Economics tonight... and of course, his lyrics got me thinking. Those first ones up there, is what started it off. And again this will be about Adrian. I just want him in my life, and closer than just a friend. Will that ever come? That's why this lyric rang inside my head... I'm always going to be attached to him, until I find someone new. But how can I find someone new if I'm holding out for him. *argh* frustration. "I'm weak/It's true Cause I'm afraid to know the answer Do you want me too? Cause my heart keeps falling faster" I want to know how he feels... but I can't talk about it to anyone. Back home, they all know what he did.. and they tell me forget about him. But I know! I know deep inside that he could be so much better than he is... and he knows I think that. When will it ring through? It has to be sitting there in the back of his mind. What's it going to take? Will I find someone else and start talking about it... and something will arise? If that's true, then I want to find someone now, just to move it along. I hate being such a big believer in fate sometimes. I know that whatever is supposed to happen, will happen in due time? I want it to be right now! Ahhhhhhh! "I'm weak / It's true I'm just scared to know the ending Do you see me too? Do you even know you met me?" This verse thing was from before... before I knew that he felt the same... So this is kind of a going back in time for me. Maybe it's still true right now... Maybe he's thinking that it'll never happen. But if he thinks that, then really why is he talking to me? Because there's no one else there to talk to... no one that he wants to talk to... What if inside his head, I'm first... That makes me think of Friday night... I watched a couple movies... and the second was over at 2am... so I come back to my room, and I go on this website to see if I got any mail, and some guy IM's me... so I spent the next hour, putzing around and talking to him... and I went to bed at like three, b/c I was falling asleep at my computer. Anyways, when I got up in the morning, I saw that like 15 minutes after I went to bed (joys of timestamps), Adrian said hi... LOL... but on this other website, he posted a bulletin, saying basically that he was drunk and it was great. That kinda makes me think about what I said what if I'm first... sure, my status was away, but he still wanted to talk to me... I kinda wish I had been awake, because I think that would've been greatly amusing. Too bad we're not closer that we talk on the phone (but I hate phones, I don't really care to talk on them) because that would've been a hella amusing phone call... *sigh* "I've waited all my life/ To cross this line To the only thing that's true So I will not hide/ It's time to try Anything to be with you All my life I've waited/ This is true."

"If I could have one wish tonight/I'd wish upon a satellite..." The Ataris - The Night That The Lights Went Out In NYC This is what I feel like with my guy friend, Adrian... that's all I can call him right now. The chorus of this song. "If I could have one wish tonight/I'd wish upon a satellite/That brings me back to you/That brings me back to you/ We spend our whole life searching for/All the things we're wishing for/And never really know we had" I liked him all last year, my senior year in school. I really thought that I got to know him... and of course, once we started college (because we didn't have each other's msn things until the summer) we each find out that we both liked each other and didn't know it. Other people knew it, could see it, whatever you may want to call it. But neither of us said anything. So we try in college, and all was good then all was bad. Then he did something STUPID... but now i don't know what we're at... maybe this song is what i hope he feels... I have a lot of hope inside of me that i wish that could come true. But the thing is, I don't know what to do to make it come true. A lot of songs that i may type about in here may be about him... maybe this will help me figure out just what i want to "be careful what you wish for/ these stars are fading..." that was just a little bridge of this song... i'm listening to it right now... i hope that isn't an omnious (is that the right word to use here? let me look it up...) (hmmm, not a word according to how i spelt it) anyways, i was thinking evil, a downhearting bad threat or warning... but what i read under a comment on this website... wish upon a satellite... verus a star... i'm kinda wishing on a satellite, because that's a sure thing to wish on, they'll always be around in the sky... the star we wish on now, may not be there tomorrow... i don't know what i'm thinking, or if it is even coherent at all... i just want happiness...