Today is Jan.23, 2005... I started to date my new boyfriend on Jan.5th... we had our first kiss today, I wanna take things slow with him.. I don't wanna rush this... I wanna be with him for awhile.. and if we rush shit.. it ain't gunna happen.. I hope we feels the same way that I feel about him. I care for him a lot.. I hope he relizes that.

Today is Christmas, the year is 2004. I saw him today, I even heard him speak. It didn't hurt me this time. I just smiled and put on a show. He's to busy to talk for a long while, but I will be sure to talk to him some other time. Hope he's doing okay and stayin away from the sick shit in this fucked up town. I love him and wouldn't want anything to happen to a good soul like that. He's takin care of his cousin, which is good cuz his cousin is in a crisis. Just hope he doesn't get dragged into all this shit that comes along with the custidy of the baby, and the drinkin, and pot smokers all around him. Hope he doesn't get intimidated and trys sumthin that he's gunna regret. Sure, he smokes cigs and drinks every once in awhile, but I can deal with that. Just hope he doesn't go over board and then make a big fuckin mistake. God, I pray he chooses well, and chooses right for his cousin also. God, please help him make make the right fuckin choice! And let him know that he can come to me for anything. I'm here for him, no matter what went on between us in the past. I still love him and that feeling will never change. I have feelings for him. and they shall be there forever, until my heart stops beating. And when that day comes I hope he finds out about it, and thinks back to all of our good memories together, and actually takes them for granted. I wonder if he ever fuckin thinks about me... about how I'm doing.. about what I'm doing... who I'm with... where I'm at... just to be courious.. not to be STALKING, or WORRYING... I wonder... oh God I wonder.