I think I've found a new journaling site. Maybe I can have my agnst and crying fit in here and not risk being mocked even though most of the ridicule was pretty much my own doing. Mah Hi I have mental problems and I get to see a new therepist on the 2nd, they can diagnose me with whatever makes me this crazy, I'm really hoping for some kind of new drug the old zoloft, geodon combinatio isn't quite working. It's mostly paranoia, my boyfreind's brother's girlfriend had a seizure due to depression and stress the day after christmas and I'm terrifed of it happening to me. Not a seizure most likey a heart attack or a slit wrist, belive me I've been though the whole slit wrists, seven stictches, hospital thing and I have too much work to do with college to ever get into that, but my vision get fuzzy and I shake, and can't breathe and wonder is this what a seizure feels like? I doubt it will happen to me yet I have nightmares every night about it. I wasen't even there when it happened and yet I feel tramatized from it. I was in new mexcio and my boyfreind and company were in el paso, so I was without christian and I basically that whole week was one long psychotic episode. well thank god for alcohol.