Almost one year to the day since my last entry. If you were to ask me one year ago where I thought I would be today, it would probably not have been this. "Not have been this" in that I haven't gone anywhere, really. I essentially traveled in one big circle; I'm just starting college, I still live at my parents' house, and I still only have one part-time job. On the upside, I have a girlfriend now. We're approaching eleven months, making it our longest relationship yet. And we plan to keep it that way. Aside from that, I ended up dropping out of UNH in March. I've been reaccepted, however, and I start again in January. Third time's a charm? My emotional state has been fluctuating a lot lately. I no longer receive therapy or medication due to a lack of health insurance (which will change once I begin school again). If I sound depressed at one moment in this journal, I'll be happy the next day and look back at this, laughing to myself for my emo-esque thought process. Then I'll look back at it another day and feel like I was understating my actual emotional state. I'll contemplate death one day, then laugh in the face of it the next. It's a strange thing how an annual journal entry works. Writing in this journal is a sort of nostalgic feel for me, like I can summarize the year's happenings in only a few paragraphs while simultaneously looking back on the previous years. It's almost as if I can place myself in that state of mind all over again. I know I'm probably overanalyzing the situation, but it provides a temporary escape from reality, even if that escape leads to a more unwanted place.

I guess I wasn't quite ready for my trauma last year, because it landed me with post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and hypochondria, leading me to have to take medication. Lame. I also got busted by the Man this year for shoplifting and criminal tresspasing. Still waiting on finding love, too. Seems more bad than good. >_

Guess what!? 2005 did suck! It was the worst year of my life and it brought about a trauma that will last me forever! Haha! But I'm ready for my trauma this year. I won't be broadsighted and get all depressed and stuff again. Come and get me, 2006!

Yup, it's 2005. This year is gonna suck, I can feel it in my bones. Last year kinda sucked. I got a bass, yay! I didn't get a cell phone, though, which was too bad because I really wanted one. Oh well, I have $100 and a $25 gift certificate to Best Buy... I might just pick a cell phone up there. Anyway, looking back at 2004, it was (for the most part) a really suckass year. I won't bother going into detail of my personal life (nobody reads this, after all). 2005 is most likely going to be the same. Maybe I just can't focus on the positive aspects of life. But, then again, how can I focus on positive stuff when nothing positive is going on? Aah, who cares? Maybe 2005 will be a good year... who knows? All I can do is, as Slipknot says, "wait and bleed."