It's so hard to be a teenager. That is so freaking cliched, but SO true. You know? I'm on the verge of an emotional (and academic) breakdown. Something's going on...i'm quite literally losing all my friends and trading them in for people that share my interests (mainly: art.) It's crazy. There's so much more diversity in my life than there was in middle school; i'm so much more responsible for myself, i'm in an actual relationship, I get pissed off a LOT faster...But I can control myself more, now. Just...I wish that I could escape for awhile. "I'm drunk on your kiss, for another night in a row, this is becoming too routine for me, but I didn't mean to lead you on..."

My mounting desire to be understood Might finally be fulfilled. Here's hoping....

Everything seems to be coming to an untimely ending here lately. My temporary bliss has been snatched away and I am left grappling for tangible evidence that I was ever as happy as previous journal entries would cause to assume. I miss Cory. I haven't talked to him since around 7:30 this morning and I hate that. I swear, if this isn't love than I can't imagine what love is. I'm hopelessly devoted to him and all his endeavors, smiling and cheering at any lunatic idea he may conjure. Too bad none of his ideas are lunatic; they're all attainable and realistic. Or is my mind just making me think that... Who knows. Who cares? I'm happy (sometimes) and I have something to look forward to (I just haven't determined what that is, yet). I am in love with him. :) c-o-r-y a-l-l-a-n h-a-r-p-e-r Okay, that's enough. I'll be back later, or sooner, who knows?

I don't want to exist anymore. I've just kind of fallen into this sudden fit of maniac depression and I don't understand why. I feel like I might just burst out crying at any given moment. STOP IT.... Ooooooh I wish I had my Coheed and Cambria cd right now. This kind of makes me mad at Lindy, because she has it, but it's not her fault and I know it. I know better than that. I am thinking it's a sign, that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned... That's such an amazing song. I've never heard rhymes fit together so perfectly, make so much sense and keep the rhythm and all that together to...simply awesome. Rachie is losing it, kiddos.

My heart is in Ohio. Not really. I dunno where my heart is. He's got it, somewhere, wherever he is. I dread change, I hope nothing ever has to change again. I want everything to stay exactly the same. He works at Super Valu, we talk when he gets off, art club never has meetings, my friends and me are always yelling and hugging because we're all borderline bipolar...and that there's always an "error" message when I try to edit my profile here on Song Meanings. I don't WANT any of that to change. Change is scary...it makes everything questionable, like if it wasn't stable then, is anything stable now? It makes you analyze everything...I like to analyze stuff sometimes...but some things you just don't want to compromise....

Oooh the drama; it's got my 14 year-old adolescent self by the scruff of the neck and is holding me tentatively over the threshold of life...."throw me!" I heckle. But as I dangle I contemplate and meditate on the various possibilities of my intellect leaving me...i'd miss you, I croon obsessively. :) This is just way too much to handle right now. Cory's birthday is tomorrow; on Thanksgiving...so I won't get to see him. He'll be 17. He's outgrowing me physically, but he's still my intellectual significant other. Philosophically. lol, sorry, inside joke. Where is he now? He should be home from work by now, into cyberspace where we can talk into the foggy hours of the morn...I often miss the quiet comfort of hearing his voice, but him being only a click away is also a great priviledge. :) There he is now.