I haven't talked with Kev since a big show that i went to on July 19th. He put me down as a reference when he applied at some goth/punk store in the mall and the manager there called me while I was at the show (that was interesting, and put me totally on the spot). But anyway, I called him after I got out. We had a great conversation, but I haven't heard from him since. Joe and I are doing great, I love him so much. I didn't think it would be possible to trust him the way that I do after kevin, but our relationship is amazing and I've never been happier. I could spend the rest of my life with him. He's the most inspirational and influential person in my life and he means everything to me. I don't know what I would do without him. We've been together for going on 10 months now. p.s. the sex is amazing!

So, I still miss Kevin like crazy sometimes, but I've been seeing a new boy for quite some time now (pause...) actually, four months as of...today! neat. He's amazing. We have an awesome relationship...we just have fun and don't worry about all that relationship drama, the type that kev and i had...where we fought all the time...and i enjoy the relaxed feeling of our relationship a lot. Neither of us are in any sort of a rush for any sort of...well, anything really. We're just living in the present and not looking too far into the future. I really like his laid back personality and the fact that he's so non-chaulant. (he can be serious when he needs to be.) But ... well, Kev's with this new girl too, and i worry about her. Just because i know how he is...and i hope she's happy. She's one of my good friend's older sisters...so, I know her pretty well...we don't talk anymore. So, that's what's up. Oh, and Kev cut his hair...it looks awful.

My boyfriend and I broke up (I say it like it was a painless thing....I wish I knew how to make it sound as angry as it was) a couple nights ago. I feel like an idiot for not seeing all of the signs that I see now of our relationship going bad. I miss him....and I shouldn't, because I know how dangerous that is and how vulnerable that makes me. We went through a whole nasty break up too, like, it really sucked, and still sucks. I've been dating this boy for four months, which doesn't seem like a long time unless you know the history before that....We dated once before this past time for about two months, a little more, until he dumped me. The reason that he broke up with me was so that he could sleep with this girl who has a reputation around my town for sleeping around like that. So we broke up and they got together and dated for around ten months. But nearing the end of their relationship, we got back together....and, after a couple of weeks, she found out about me and broke up with him (their break up wasn't happy either...) and we stayed together. But, I was an idiot for not thinking that ... well, if he was willing to cheat on her with me, why wouldn't he be willing to cheat on me with her. So, to end it simply...he's back with her, sort of. I may have ended that whole sceen with a phone call that I made the night that I found out that he was seeing her again. When I called, I asked if she knew that we were together, and she said noo....So, now she's not talking to him, surprise, surprise. So I guess that means he's alone....which is best for him now anyway, but that's an even longer story. I just wanted to say that, well, he sucks...but I really do love this boy, he means everything to me and helped me to become the emotional bitch that I am. So, I miss him and love him...but I also hate him and wouldn't like to see him for a while...it's a strange feeling.