2004: "Is the glass half empty, or half full?" "What glass?" 2007: "Is the glass half empty, or half full?" "Neither--it is entirely empty. If it were any bit full, it would not have room for all of the filling it must look forward to. It is eternally empty, as it is perpetually filling up."

I hate angry sociopaths. They don't deserve to live. Sorry if you are one, if so, please learn to respect other sentient beings. Learn the words "compassion" "empathy" "sympathy" "REGULAR HUMAN FEELINGS". Fucking twats. Ex-friends are no friends at all. I am so glad I am where I am and not where I was. I want to kick sand in someone's mouth and then I want him to suffocate and choke and die and never be reborn again because it seems as if he has learned no lessons worth learning. This is only a growing passion, it is not left over from any recent event, it is only growing with time. It took forever to develop in me, too long even. I should have felt this way from the start.

Why the fuck am I not talking about music here? Okay, lately I've been pathetically obsessed with the Dresden Dolls. They are beautiful. I love their music, lyrics and theatrics. I've not seen them live, as I live in a very small city at the edge of the world where nobody comes to visit. They fuel my girly aggression though, and for that I love them. The lyrics have very much influenced my writing in the last month or so. A friend of mine introduced me to the music of The Sounds quite recently. They are a very catchy band (like The Killers) that remind me of eighties music. It's really upbeat, upbeat for me at least. No, upbeat for anyone, I'm sure. And at the same time I really love them. I might like listening to them while I'm walking down the street more than I like listening to Rammstein while doing that. And again with the girliness. Did I mention catchy? Catchy as hell. And my most recent favorite is Rasputina. Strings! I love strings, and more female vocals! They are fairly out of the ordinary, I would say. Though they remind me of a few things I can't quite put my finger on. Maybe PJ Harvey or Siouxsie or something. Celloness! Oh, a lot of Tori Amos, actually, I think that's what I was thinking. On the topic of girl-powered music, I also have some Siouxsie and the Banshees on my play list right now. Quite nice.

In my first entry here I was talking about a friend who I thought was sleeping with someone. And it made me upset, because of the possibility of deception really. Well, the same girl who told me this friend was sleeping with this particular person, a few months later told some of my friends that I was sleeping with my friend. So now I feel great. This makes it easier to decide who is lying and who is not. Morons and their rumours. I want to bash in some skulls. Such a shame there is no escaping this mentality even almost a year after highschool has been left behind. Today I am great. I've been furious for two years. I used to be depressed and numb. Now I am angry all the time. It took an angry man to come into my life and make me angry. I was always angry, but it was veiled in the dull cloud of depression. Now it is flowing through my veins freely. yay!

Know what I really love about Tool? The fans. So many horny teenage fans. Besides telling them that I want to castrate them with rusted butter knives, it's just that they come off interpreting all the songs as sexually based. I should have seen that about my ex...oh well. I don't think his intentions were too bad. But why am I talking about that? That's not what I am talking about. I am talking about the depth of the lyrics that are overlooked. It's amazing. The band will stick with me forever because I will never completely understand their depth. And every time I hear a song it's a little bit deeper. And that's just cool. Oh, the world seems so shallow, but it has no idea of its depth. But isn't that part of the beauty? Yeah, I think so.

SLUT! ASSHOLE!

Ooooh, a journal. Journals are always so appealing. It is the chance to give away personal information, to make one moment eternal as if it wouldn't hurt anyone and nobody would read it. But moments cannot be measured--they are fleeting. Your readers do not realize this. You are being watched at all times. Your moments become mixed up and misinterpretted. Your moment becomes something it is not...forever. I pity all future moments. Then again, writing can be beautiful.... _________________________________________________ So, for the sake of revealing too much and not allowing time to pass as it normally would, here is my personal tidbit of the day: Today I was labelled. I did not know how to feel about this. I still don't. If I am the closest thing to a goth this school has, what does that say about my school? Still...why must people be able to notice me, how can I fade to the background when I am too distinct? If only I could help it. I also found something out I did not want to find out, but all it brought me was nausia and confusion. I am too easily manipulated, I cannot read people and so I must not trust anyone. Why must I live through the pain of mistrust over the whole world? It actually hurts a bit, it is a dull pain on a normal day...but when I hear a side I'd never heard before, it stings in such a way... how deep it digs. Who is telling the truth, and who is lying? How will I ever know? It scares me that I may never know, and it hurts that someone is lying, it hurts that I will never know who it is, and so I have no choice but to mistrust the one who is honest...if one of them is honest at all... I feel so betrayed, but I am not sure who has betrayed me...all I know is that one of them would be worse than the other if that one is the liar (or are they hiding information from me? Have they always hid information? What does that say about that one? What does that say about me?). I fear interaction and avoid it for this reason...what else can I do? Where else can I find peace? **Oh, I simply must add this to my wholeness story... The again, pain can be beautiful...