Well, I don't have a computer at home, so I use the computer in the library. They recently unblocked LiveJournal, so if anyone ever actually reads this, you can see my life through http://www.livejournal.com/~xnaitx

I'm losing it. I seriously am starting to become afraid. I'm doing alright hiding it, but my mind is slowly breaking down. I have trouble forcing myself to eat..I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep, especially when I only sleep about half an hour before I wake up to my thoughts of her again. I know I'm being irrational, pathetic, and unreasonable... But I need her so bad. I can't convey how lost I am without her... I am nothing, and no one is there to make me whole again. I'm so afraid she'll fall in love with him; that though she says she'll always love me, she'll find everything she needs in him; that he will be everything I wasn't and she will never desire to be with me again. I know, I need to be strong, move along... but it isn't that simple. I don't want to move along. I don't want to "get over her" because I know that she is my true love, my perfection... but I'm not her true love, her perfect match. God, when will this torment subside? I'm afraid for how long I can last like this. I promised my life would be in no danger, but how long without her can I keep that promise?

I always loved that song... It was a song that was always touching to me, though I never could relate to it. The same goes with so many other songs, not only by AFI. Then, the person I loved most in my life left me for someone else. The pain is haunting. I can't eat (I force myself, though it makes me feel sick), I can't sleep... the smallest things make me break down. I'm nothing anymore. I'm stuck somewhere between "This Time Imperfect" and "The Last Kiss" and its unbearable. But as long as there is a hope I can one day be with her, I can endure. For no matter what pain I suffer, it's all worth it for one more time with her. I love you, Kelly.