i do not get her. i think im most detached with her. i dont even want to go out with her. or talk to her. i realised, i never really had a decent, meaningful conversation with her. i realised that i dont really look at her with respect. shes there, shes there. and thats that. her crazy choices. her STUPID choices. i dont know. i find her immature. hey, i might be wrong. i might regret saying this. but hey, we learn. we learn from our mistakes. but she doesnt seem to. shes more naive, than i think she was. her and stupid fat ass joe. she actually LOOOOOVES him? get a fucking life already lar. if he can cheat his wife, why cant he cheat on you? god. love? please. lust. lust lust. lust. she needs to get herself right. of cos, of course, i am not perfect. of course, i have my fucking flaws. but all im saying, so does she. im pissed. honestly, my respect to her only goes as far as shes genetically older than me. thats that. am i being pathetic? am i a bitch for this? am i evil? am i really selfish? am i really horrible? am i? am i? am i really a bad child? am i? am i?

emotional attachment? i hate it when people are right on when they read me. i hate it that Amy thinks that I should be having feelings for Taz and vice versa. well at least shes right on the former. the latter, i dont think so, or i dont know. i love watching him. and i winced when i see him hugging that dark girl. so close, yet so far? cliche. and touche. right on. right on. godd, so close yet so far. ive slept right beside him for i dont know how many times. so far. so far. so far. this cannot be. i thought i was over him. over over over. but i guess i thought wrong. im not pining as badly as before. but, i hate how my heart flutters, how i will instantly smile when i see him or hear him. so close, yet so fucking far.