so this is it huh? the end of another year. well, thank you for the ups and downs. thank you for showing me that what lies in the heart and in the soul are not always what is found in the words and actions of others. observation is underrated. understanding is underrated. i still love him. my heart still aches when i see him. "how can you be friends with someone you like for all your life?" of cos you can. its just not easy, thats all. i hope 2005 will bring some light to Sheeed. i hope 2005 will bring more joy and happiness to Teeee. and to my dearest Zat, i hope he finds whatever it is that he has always been looking for. and to myself, may i find it in me to be closer to Allah. may 2005 be a better year, for all. for all. amin.

there was this sudden PANG! right there. of cos i can explain why there is one, but i cant explain why its still a PANG! and not just a pang! i read the birthday cards over the years, and i realised you never take me as a bestfriend. i was just a friend. a good friend. a close friend. a friend indeed, when youre in need. then i weigh the years, you never really told me anything. the gap grows as do the years. we talk less. we go out less. we know less. and i wonder why it took me so long to realise it. you made use of me. at almost every step. you only called when you needed something. when youre bored. you were only there when i had my boys around. you didnt care. YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU didnt care. not me, YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. to is the day. the day that they say, you will wake up and realise who your true friends are. and who are not. today, i realise who are NOT. so much for. so much for. maybe this is just hormones talking. but i dont know. i guess, instead of always denying i liked you. i think i was always denying that you never really really liked me. that you never took me as what i took you. well, i hope someday you will feel this pain i feel. of how its like to wake up and to know that the very person you cared about, never cared about you. someday i hope, you will feel this. and when that someday comes, i hope you cried like you did before. amin.