tv on the radio: playhouses new order: ceremony bonnie prince billy: i called you back nouvelle vague: dancing with myself camera obscura: hey lloyd i'm ready to be heartbroken lovellen

i have this thinking where everything will happen at a latter date. that i can rest assured for the time being, because it will happen...soon. i've come to that 'soon' quite a bit and i can tell you, i can't remember what came before it, what my past expectations were for the present. i guess i am glad for the changes in plans, my head, my heart and thoughts. but at the same time, what if my current hopes (that i--hold dearly?) are forgotten just as easily as they have been now? is anything really lost? i guess not if i refer to my hopes as "current", i mean, it just sounds like a trend then right? i think right now (at this very minute and for a few minutes or hours or days onward) i'm attempting to be something i watch constantly on tv. it's getting a bit ridiculous. i just sound stupid and wear jewelery that i lose and get in fights with my boyfriend/lover/love/friend/tobias. i'm just going to ride my bike more. lovellen.

i'm seeing jeff tweedy tonight and you'll be in the crowd somewhere.

and make it honest make it hurt make me want to love you more than anything and please whisper it in my ear when everyone's around and walk away and i swear i swear i'll chase you down.

this shouldn't be comforting, but it is (especially at moments like this): nothing's definite. i'm feeling this need to run and hoping for me to be somewhere far next year in case none of this love business works out. it's strange that you chose me. because i know you were deciding between another girl and me. and i didn't want to know that or have to be decided upon. it's too much to live up to. and now that you've chosen me, it makes me wonder what did it for you. everyone's watching us and wondering why we act so goddamn silly all the time. i don't know either!

better believe it. i could break your heart in a second. i'm trying to stick around as long as i can to see if anything's gonna come of all the new pieces that have fallen into my lap. count the seconds boy. lovellen. malfunction.

i just want to be bad.

broken up in the wasteland. i don't have a vision for what you want me to have a vision for. only for myself and placing beauty in this world. broken up in the promise land broken up in disneyland. broken up in the plasticland broken up in the wasteland and on it goes.

i'm wondering if things have gotten better and as a result i have gotten better. i know it's not good to wonder about those sort of things, but to wonder if there's hope. i read on a juice bottle that whatever you may do is insignificant, but it is important that you do it anyways. i never post comments for songs anymore because it just seemed lame. that's not an entirely good reason, but i don't do it because what difference will it make? i want it to make a difference but no one's really going to notice because they're to busy making themselves getting noticed? this sort of thinking turns into laziness and pretty soon you won't be doing anything. i've been having forced conversations in order to make things seem "normal". i stare at pictures and i want to have that life. to be able to know such captivating people and capture them in that right moment. to be caught in moments where there are simple smiles and happiness is floating. one day.

it's love you love you baby. i want to have it bad for someone. and we'd spend the afternoons walking through the roads.