After a two weekends of nothing, I think this week definatally makes up for it. Thursday- I stayed after with Stephanie and had a fun time, we walked to the deli and we just talked alot, that's the best part of us, we talk. And I love it, it's not like with Katie how she was always dipping herself in my kool aid, me and stephanie just talk, and it's great. So yeah, we just sat down in the hallway the whole time and talked to the two Maggies, and Mark. Then I went home and I asked her out since I got to nervouse near her at school to ask her, that's what happens when I'm next to a pretty girl. Friday- I went to school, eh, I said that rather lightly, it really wasn't that bad though, I had a sub in social studies and tech ed. And Yeah, the first day of going out with Stephanie went smoothly without any bumps, which I am greatful for. Afterschool I took the bus to Mike's house where we hung out until Rhino's party. We made Rhino so pretty fucked up cards, they had jesus all over them and stuff, and we covered them in his sister's weird stickers. Rhino's party was hella fun.. once again another thing that would have sucked if I was still going out with Katie because she would have been like BILLY LET ME GET INTO YOUR KOOL AID... wait she wasn't there! AHAHAHA BITCH. Saturday- Me and Chris went to Rhino's in the morning, and then we went to downtown Brewster for the whole day, WHERE WE MET ESSAY (i love essay). Essay is a mattress that was floating across the street infront of Garden Street, and I ran and got it and Rhino started doing shit with him like jumping down this cliff on it. Me and Rhino also went down Garden Streets hill on it with our skateboards, Essay was fun. We skated around at the Baptist Church too, the lady told us that if we wanted to skate there and mess with her balloons we would have to atleast goto one youth group.. a month.. or a week, I forget. But Youth Groups are on mondays, and we have soccer practices on Mondays so oh well. Justin John and Steve came, and so did Billy Reynolds and Mike Demarco. We went back to the school when they came and played with Essay more. Then at 5 I went back home because stephanie was coming over at 7. Which she did, and we had fun. We watched fight club and stuff. And stuff... ;). Sunday- It snowed. Fuck you nigger.

It figures. Something I shove my whole mind into, something I plug all my memories into, something that means alot to me goes down a hole.. again. I can't believe they did that to Jim's site, and now I have to write in this thing. I wish I had more time to make my own journal website, but I don't, I can't wait till the summer. But I still feel like shit because something I shoved my brains into got deleted, permenantly. I don't feel like writing about what has happened these passed couple of days. get off my back. --bill

So, what a week right? Not I coudn't say the same. This week sucked just as much as last week event wise. I haven't hung out with my friends in two weeks and I think I'm dying, I think the first step of dying is that your nose starts to run full time. The second part of dying is denying that this isn't a cold. And the third step of dying.... is dying. So yesterday I took a trip down to New Jersey to look at some vacation spots down at the shore. I had to think of something interesting to do so I thought of this. If I could blow anything up, what would it be and why? First I thought I would blow up every house in a quarter mile radious of mine, just to shove it in everybodys face that they suck and my house is the best. Of course this excludes Fran and John's house since they are cool and they give me candy. Then as we went down the road I thought I'd bomb the house that just got a new extension on it since my family was too poor to get an extension onto our house. Then I bombed every fancy car I saw on the highway because I was driving in a shit 97 Ford Tourus PIECE OF SHIT OMFG. I through a huge bomb at every good looking girl I saw because I'd never have chance with them. And finally, I threw a bomb at myself because I couldn't live with all the killing I did. So yeah, when I got down there, besides all the dead bodies it was allright. walked around the beach, I couldn't stop thinking about how it would be when I get down there, how sunny and calm it was going to be, how so much different it was going to be from where I am now. How nothing is going to matter when I get down there. How I'll just be able to sit on the beach the whole day and just wonder if people are thinking about what I'm thinking about, and if people are looking at the same clouds I'm looking at. And if people are swimming in the same water I'm swimming in. Now onto personal life. Stephanie likes me. What I should do... I don't know really. I mean one part tells me I'm backing myself into a deep dark hole, and that the end started with Stephanie, but the other part wants me to go for it because I'm lonally and I need someone and that I'm just going crazy. When all else fails with one thing it just makes me want to goto another. Everything that has happened between me and Christina is GONE. Gone for good and everybody knows it. I know it. I admit it. I'm through with it. Instead of bitching and whining about this like I always do I'm just going to... FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO BITCH AND WHINE ABOUT..... TOMORROW. I'm trying out drawing. I conclude on that. No one is probably reading this line anyway because they ran away when I said I was drawing... oh well. -bill