• It amazes me that I actually got out of the unit.

  They kept me in for five months. FIVE MONTHS. The day after I arrived, I had my fifteenth birthday. It was the worst birthday I've ever had. I spent it in a mental unit, alone. I kept thinking, this time last year newly fourteen me would've never forseen this.

  They kept trying to get me to 'engage' with therapy, not knowing that I COULDN'T. Eventually, they let me go when it became clear I wasn't gonna accept help. They gave up, you could say. But I don't blame them. I did too.

  Now I'm out and nothing's changed. I still wonder about the other kids though. Is Taylor out yet? Is Olivia finally a healthy weight? But most of all, do any of them ever wonder about me?

  I never made friends there. My Mum used to tell me: just talk. They'll like you. Who wouldn't? But I couldn't, and I can't. I've always felt awkward socially.

  I found out that there's a word to describe my trouble fitting in, making friends, needing order. Asperger's Syndrome. I got diagnosed while I was there. Knowing that about myself was the only good thing to come out of being in the unit. At least now I have a word for why I've always felt different. I also learnt that people with the sydrome are more prone to Depression, self harm, and Anxiety. The more you know.

  I keep wondering if I'll end back up in the unit. I hope not. I just need to keep acting like I'm coping.

• So you're finally out, knowing another point about yourself. That's nice! I hope the life after that would be better or, some how, easier, you know...

  Rmeenaon August 04, 2015   Link

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