September 17th - 00:13

  • Starting my last module of the year today, and it has been off to a good start, surprisingly.

    I feel I've made one too many promises though. You see, I can't help it, people tend to pull on my heartstrings, they pull them out and hang them like bells in the night sky. This is too high for their hopes of me. 

    I can assure you that assurance has never been more of a stranger to me than now, who knows what the next six months will bring? 

    Somedays I feel as if I need an entirely new start, get rid of everyone in my life. Sometimes I think about how my life would be if I never met them in the first place. Would I be better off? At this point my brain start bubbling, it starts off slow, heating up and bubbling over the more I doubt my thoughts. The worst part about being a girl after the surprise emotional fits is the fact that we over think absolutly everything, which usually induces the random torrents of tears.   And yet I enjoy crying, you sort of let absolutely everything you don't want to hold onto seep into your tears, which is totally OK! I don't buy that bullshit, crying doesn't make you weak, it makes you real, it makes your emotions real and that's what I like to feel, REAL.   That's probally why I like to touch things, feeling their textures, their heat, rough walls, and the realisation of how scratchy my sweater is. The touch of kisses grazing my shoulder, jaggerd, digging hips and elbows, pin pricks and grass on my toes.    We say that seeing is beliveing, but feeling something, thouching it with your bare hands makes it a reality.  
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  • As a versus said in Madonna's song "Power of Goodbye"... "Freedom comes when your learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no."


    The connotation of this verse resonates well me as I also yearn for the right people in life. However, the line from the poem "Ulysses" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson's that goes "To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." is what keeps me going.


    ~ Josh

    AbsurdlyBigon September 17, 2014   Link

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