grr he captivates me. i think about him too much.. why did he hug me. i hate hugs most of the time. why did that one feel warm. today i didnt feel great at all so many times i wanted to run away or just cry &&&yet he made me want to hug him all day. i dont want to admit it. if i knew he'd let me or that he wouldnt mind i'd do it. i'd live in his arms. i hate it. i hate saying that. i know why. i dont want this to be an adam. i dont want to fall. hes such a good friend but hed never like me like that and i need to get over it fast. i dont know what to do. i just need to shut up i hate these times. it just reminds me that theres no one i can really talk to. its just myself. i want to talk about him for hours and hours and i know i can, but theres no one who'd be interested. i hate my emotions. i wish i could practice stoicism. i want to die.