• finished all my homework. now i'm sitting in my room with my broken back and lumpy throat. i chew on rocks and spit out dry wit. should i drag myself outside to get high? maybe. i don't know. right now it hurts to move and no one wants to talk to me when i'm free. they only want me when i'm busy. i feel like the world is a big game and i'm always "it". sometimes i don't feel like playing, but i do it anyway because people call me out for being a "buzzkill". 

  it hurts to breathe, like white fire through my chest. i don't have a lot to say, but i'm trying. i just didn't want to express myself for a while because i didn't like the stuff that came out. i think i'm feeling a little better about myself, lately. a little isn't a lot, but it's enough. my eyes are sad, but i'm trying to smile anyway. people can tell, but there isn't anything they can do about it.

  my love is weakly sour like an old lemon, like a joke gone a little wrong, like a fake greeting.

  i've been listening to my old music and it hurts a lot because i used to be far more unhappy but i was hopeful. i'm better now but i'm not keen about anything. i'm prettier and skinnier now, but i'm frail and falling apart. i don't expect anything from people anymore though and i guess that's the biggest improvement.

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